Facing My Fears

Each one of my poems and short stories are little pieces of my heart and soul. I don't like to share them but someone told me I should...

Facing My Fears

Afraid of living

Afraid of dying

Afraid of breathing

Afraid of losing

Afraid of winning

Afraid of being afraid

Living life in constant fear

That fear of taking in every

Moment and every embrace

Fear of my own emotions

Fear of where it will take me

Scared of delving deeper

Scared of exploring the happiness

I feel with every conversation

Scared of every second

I move closer to falling

The hesitation is not

Fear of the rejection

Finding myself fighting

The urge to move a little closer

Scares me more than

Anything ever has because

I don’t want to fall

I don’t want to enjoy falling

I want to sabotage every possibility

Of experiencing anything close

To the love I lost

Fear of my own emotions

Fear of my own intentions

Fear of the urge to run from it

Fear of not wanting to run

Fear of the way this makes me feel

Fear of how much I want to

Fear of how much I don’t want to

Sitting in turmoil

And squirming in my seat

Because I already know

Where it all might lead me

And for once it doesn’t feel

Like it’ll break me

Like it’ll hurt me

Like it’ll crush my heart

But I can’t trust myself

For years I followed that feeling

For so long I listened to

Myself and no one else

Sometimes I force myself

To forget the truth of my reality:

I’m not ready to face those fears

Sometimes I ignore the signs

Reminding me how much

I’m not ready for love

Not right now

Not until I romance myself

And fall in love with me

© 2021 Grace Peterson