Facebook Nonsense
Hopeless Addiction
My wife, she is an addict
An addiction that’s new
She’s addicted to the facebook
And I don’t know what to do
She has to check it hourly
And reads all the current guff
About all the rubbish thats for sale
And says she’d love more ‘stuff’
She reads about life’s philosophy
From a friend in Timbuktu
Who’s seen it all and done it all
And who is nearly twenty-two
She sighs at all the kittens
And aahs at some little dog
But won’t go out and walks ours
Whilst she’s in her Facebook fog
She reads of the latest gizmos
That will save you some time
But costs you bags of money
when they're worth about a dime
She watches all the little clips
Of idiots who think they’re funny
Who cannot sing and cannot dance
But who are on there for the money
And then there are the quizzes
Who say they’re for the clever
But everyone one gets them all right
Then posts on it forever
Now I planned a week away with her
To a wilderness of flowers
How long could she go without facebook
The answer is --five hours
She reads the posts from all our friends
Who post everything they do.
Why I even read the over day
That Steve had had a poo
Now I took my wife to the doctor
To see what she could do
I couldn’t believe it when we went in
She was on the Facebook too
She wants to be my friend
You cannot appreciate the trouble that I'm in
I had a dodgy friends request from a girl called Suzie lynn
She looked absolutely stunning with lots of smiley friends
She lives near a beach in America
And kisses to me she sends
Now I am not a Casanova and of course I’m totally flattered
But my wife has seen this message and I am sure I will get
battered.
For as much as I tell her ‘this is just a spammer’
I am getting really scared now, she’s gone to get a
hammer……..
Ahh he's got a kitten
There was a man from Maine
Whose postings were terribly tame
But all the ladies were smitten
When he got a kitten
At last, at last he found fame.
Auntie
Auntie Beth is ninety-two, but still she is quite sprite
For Auntie’s discovered facebook and is on it every night
But Auntie’s fun has a darker side, and dark it is you’ll agree
For Auntie’s become a troll and and a nasty one you see
But she doesn’t troll the famous, the powerful and the rich
it's to those she doesn't agree with, that’s she really is a bitch
If someone posts a status that is not too Auntie’s views
Her retort is normally vicious and then she turns the screws
She’s had many a poster disappear, never to facebook again
Too scared to cross Auntie, the evil, trolling Gran.
The Power of advertising
Facebook ads are quite eclectic
Apart from all those things electric
Today I had a chance to see
Ads galore that ‘should’ interest me
A new set of teeth for a smile too white
And taut young skin that seems so bright
A funeral plan to ease my worries
And powder to make fantastic curries
There’s plenty of second hand things
And dodgy planes without any wings
There’s adverts for dating sites
For older folk and for men in tights!
There are plenty of treatments all ’holistic’
And even one for an Indian mystic
And if you dare to look at something new
Their ad will appear on facebook too
The Sorry tale of Fred
My friend Fred posts a lot
A load of rubbish.
But he posts such rot
He’ll tell you what he’s had to eat
And ‘bout the corns on his feet
He tells you when his tax is due
And the other day that a cow went Moo
He will post pictures of his garden shed
His tea and when he’s still in bed.
His life if there for all to see
but it comes as no surprise to me
Fred is single
An imaginary scene,
Mark Zuckerberg is sat in the office of his bank manager, he is a
young adult, fresh faced with the appearance of a dishevelled student. The bank
manager is sat opposite him, a corporate Johnny, in his forties, and dressed
immaculately in a dark suit and tie.
The bank manager picks up and puts on his glasses and scans the
small wad of paper.
-So Mark, may I call you Mark? You want a loan based on this
business plan.
Mark nodded enthusiastically.
-I have read your paperwork and i would now like to hear about
your proposed business idea directly from you.
-Well it’s like this the business will be called facebook, its
internet based
The bank manager smiled to himself, he liked internet start ups,
and was keen to get involved.
-So what does it do?
-Its main activity will allow people to share photos of lovely
little kittens and cute little puppy dogs. Oh and there will be lots of videos
of stupid people falling off of logs
-So where do you get the pictures of the lovely kittens and cute
little puppies
-Thats the beauty of it, they upload them themselves.
-Is there anything else
-Well people will be able to share photos of their dinner and
gossip about people
-Hmmmmm what else does it do
-Well actually it’s a fully integrated messaging system involving
a user friendly interface with targeted marketing and advertising capability
with complete video system, but no-ones interested in that, would you like to
see a picture of my kitten, look she’s wearing a bow on her head……...
© 2017 Dave Proctor
