Exposing the Facade in Front of the Mirror
Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.
Have been stuck in neutral for far too long
Running in place and never really going anywhere
Doing the same old things and listening to same tired conversations
Wondering when something or I will end up changing
Realized that routine was sometimes a factor of life
But wondered what could be done to shake things up
Bored with living a generic and routine existence
Emotions buried into to the foreground in an effort to save face
Afraid to express my true feelings for fear of getting in trouble
Never had the ability to truly stand up for myself
Preffered to live in the shadows and not in the light of day
Tears and sadness only coming out during extreme moments of durress
Covered up the shame and degradation felt for being less than perfection
Don't even understand where this need to succeed at all costs came from
A byproduct of the 1980s and being a millennial trying to stay relevant
Eager to please and be liked by everyone, even when it wasn't possible
Often wondered where my failings came from and why relationships failed
Hard to maintain or if I simply just had impossible standards to live by
Finally, came to the realization that this needs to stop
Something needs to change and that something is me
I need to embrace myself and all my foibles without judgment or doubt
Done with browbeating myself into submission when I seem to step out of line
Get physically and emotionally sick of everything and everyone
Been dragged down in the muck of mire of this blue period
Picasso would've been proud and equally disturbed at the same time
Have been unrealistically hard on myself
Verbally and mentally beating my mind and heart into the gutter
For reasons beyond total comprehension
Not sure why this keeps happening to my psyche
Fed up with putting my feet on an impossible pedestal
For friends and loved ones to admire
Only to fall off it when the pressure to succeed was too much to handle
Disappointed that I'm not superhuman or picture-perfect
Even though those things only part of comic book lore
Desperately desiring to be happy and worthy of loving who I am
When I look in the mirror without being disgusted with what I see
Unsure if this is medical, physical or mental conditioning
Just ready for this roller coaster to stop spinning rapidly
Today is the time to stop this vicious cycle of self-abuse
Devaluing myself on the basis of misconceived wrongs and errors in judgment
Driven to the brink of despair by a false notion that everything has to be flawless
Ready to dance into the light and enjoy myself for once flaws and all
Don't know if it will happen today, tomorrow or whenever
Just eager for a change of pace
Think that's earned after toeing the line for so long.