Exposing the Facade in Front of the Mirror

Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.

Have been stuck in neutral for far too long

Running in place and never really going anywhere

Doing the same old things and listening to same tired conversations

Wondering when something or I will end up changing

Realized that routine was sometimes a factor of life

But wondered what could be done to shake things up

Bored with living a generic and routine existence

Emotions buried into to the foreground in an effort to save face

Afraid to express my true feelings for fear of getting in trouble

Never had the ability to truly stand up for myself

Preffered to live in the shadows and not in the light of day

Tears and sadness only coming out during extreme moments of durress

Covered up the shame and degradation felt for being less than perfection

Don't even understand where this need to succeed at all costs came from

A byproduct of the 1980s and being a millennial trying to stay relevant

Eager to please and be liked by everyone, even when it wasn't possible

Often wondered where my failings came from and why relationships failed

Hard to maintain or if I simply just had impossible standards to live by

Finally, came to the realization that this needs to stop

Something needs to change and that something is me

I need to embrace myself and all my foibles without judgment or doubt

Done with browbeating myself into submission when I seem to step out of line

Get physically and emotionally sick of everything and everyone

Been dragged down in the muck of mire of this blue period

Picasso would've been proud and equally disturbed at the same time

Have been unrealistically hard on myself

Verbally and mentally beating my mind and heart into the gutter

For reasons beyond total comprehension

Not sure why this keeps happening to my psyche

Fed up with putting my feet on an impossible pedestal

For friends and loved ones to admire

Only to fall off it when the pressure to succeed was too much to handle

Disappointed that I'm not superhuman or picture-perfect

Even though those things only part of comic book lore

Desperately desiring to be happy and worthy of loving who I am

When I look in the mirror without being disgusted with what I see

Unsure if this is medical, physical or mental conditioning

Just ready for this roller coaster to stop spinning rapidly

Today is the time to stop this vicious cycle of self-abuse

Devaluing myself on the basis of misconceived wrongs and errors in judgment

Driven to the brink of despair by a false notion that everything has to be flawless

Ready to dance into the light and enjoy myself for once flaws and all

Don't know if it will happen today, tomorrow or whenever

Just eager for a change of pace

Think that's earned after toeing the line for so long.