Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.
It's official, folks, I've taken a romantic furlough
Stepping back from the idealization of love
Disgusted by the sight of it and listening to songs on radio
Cringing at the idea of a couple doing some PDA
Annoyed at the idea of a married couple celebrating a milestone
Of course, happy for them; secretly jealous for myself
Unable to make it work with the last relationship
Reasons only known to the man who broke my heart
Grossed out by the notion of holding a man's hand
Touching some slime ball did not appeal to me
Started last year as New Jersey's answer to Pretty Woman
Ended it as a female equivalent to George Carlin
Intellectual and bitter over everyone who didn't agree with them
Smiling and joking on the inside and privately raging at the world
Wanted to watch remnants of heart wither and die on the vine
No desire to feel a single solitary emotion about love gone wrong
That's a four lettered curse word in my current household of one
Ready to take a leave of absence from the dating scene
Uncomfortable at singles bars and going on dating websites
Makes me break out in hives just thinking about the latter
Understandable that heartache still fresh in the mind
Trusted one James Denton lookalike who turned out to be a liar
Harvey Dent/Two-Face in disguise and in living color
Janus in camouflage cargo shorts and a faded blue t-shirt
Saying one thing and doing something totally different
Never being in sync with himself or in our former relationship
Tired of thinking about the good memories and bitter about the bad
Don't want to be angry enough to publicly confront him
Humiliating him and myself in the process
No desire to be the vindictive ex-girlfriend of reality television yore
Ready to turn off my humanity switch for a while
Not care what others think about my recovery rate
Or wondering when I'll date again
Ironic in a sense that my ex-boyfriend helped me
Overcome a case of a year old bout of writer's block
Worst case of it I had at that very time
Couldn't formulate an idea or feeling to save my life
Completely and utterly numb to everything
Going through the motions; punching the time clock
He opened the door in my mind for a flood of ideas to come out
A faucet that still runs three months after our break-up
Partially inspired by him; unfortunately
Realized that it helped in the healing process
Wish it would just work a little faster
Sure, he moved on a lot quicker than I have done
Working on his bowling throw and his stale dad jokes
Time to close this sordid chapter before the anger returns
No point in going back that route now; unless looking to be on Dateline
Which I'm not.
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on January 02, 2020:
I can feel your pain. This is a very emotional and great write.
I can understand wanting to take a break from the "L" word for awhile.
No one else can take the place of the one you wanted and no other hand will feel quite right.
Take as long as you need and do it your way. Do not listen to anyone else's advice...like what you should do or how you should feel.
You are going to feel what you do.. good or bad. Forgiving or unforgiving.
Others will not understand and they do not have to..it is your life.
Just do what you have to do to make it through those long nights...you are what matters now.
And write...write some more...cry...then write more.
Writing really does help.
May you find some peace and happiness this new year.