Updated date:

Entering an Emotional Sabbatical

Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.

It's official, folks, I've taken a romantic furlough

Stepping back from the idealization of love

Disgusted by the sight of it and listening to songs on radio

Cringing at the idea of a couple doing some PDA

Annoyed at the idea of a married couple celebrating a milestone

Of course, happy for them; secretly jealous for myself

Unable to make it work with the last relationship

Reasons only known to the man who broke my heart

Grossed out by the notion of holding a man's hand

Touching some slime ball did not appeal to me

Started last year as New Jersey's answer to Pretty Woman

Ended it as a female equivalent to George Carlin

Intellectual and bitter over everyone who didn't agree with them

Smiling and joking on the inside and privately raging at the world

Wanted to watch remnants of heart wither and die on the vine

No desire to feel a single solitary emotion about love gone wrong

That's a four lettered curse word in my current household of one

Ready to take a leave of absence from the dating scene

Uncomfortable at singles bars and going on dating websites

Makes me break out in hives just thinking about the latter

Understandable that heartache still fresh in the mind

Trusted one James Denton lookalike who turned out to be a liar

Harvey Dent/Two-Face in disguise and in living color

Janus in camouflage cargo shorts and a faded blue t-shirt

Saying one thing and doing something totally different

Never being in sync with himself or in our former relationship

Tired of thinking about the good memories and bitter about the bad

Don't want to be angry enough to publicly confront him

Humiliating him and myself in the process

No desire to be the vindictive ex-girlfriend of reality television yore

Ready to turn off my humanity switch for a while

Not care what others think about my recovery rate

Or wondering when I'll date again

Ironic in a sense that my ex-boyfriend helped me

Overcome a case of a year old bout of writer's block

Worst case of it I had at that very time

Couldn't formulate an idea or feeling to save my life

Completely and utterly numb to everything

Going through the motions; punching the time clock

He opened the door in my mind for a flood of ideas to come out

A faucet that still runs three months after our break-up

Partially inspired by him; unfortunately

Realized that it helped in the healing process

Wish it would just work a little faster

Sure, he moved on a lot quicker than I have done

Working on his bowling throw and his stale dad jokes

Time to close this sordid chapter before the anger returns

No point in going back that route now; unless looking to be on Dateline

Which I'm not.


Time to turn off that emotional faucet.

Time to turn off that emotional faucet.

Comments

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on January 02, 2020:

Heather,

I can feel your pain. This is a very emotional and great write.

I can understand wanting to take a break from the "L" word for awhile.

No one else can take the place of the one you wanted and no other hand will feel quite right.

Take as long as you need and do it your way. Do not listen to anyone else's advice...like what you should do or how you should feel.

You are going to feel what you do.. good or bad. Forgiving or unforgiving.

Others will not understand and they do not have to..it is your life.

Just do what you have to do to make it through those long nights...you are what matters now.

And write...write some more...cry...then write more.

Writing really does help.

Great write.

May you find some peace and happiness this new year.