Dying Flame: A Poem

Happiness is fleeting,

It comes, it goes.

The light in your eyes,

Once, so brightly shone

Has dimmed to but a glow.

The remnants of an ember,

Nearly burned away to ash,

Of the fire I remember.

Our hearth has grown so cold,

The fire is nearly dead.

Yet, the flames still dance

And rage inside my head.

I still see them, though they've cooled.

I still feel your gentle warmth,

On these cold, winter nights

The fire still burns, deep inside my heart.

Happiness is fleeting,

It comes, it goes.

Yet the ember of our love

Still dimly glows.

It hasn't died, completely,

It just needs a little tending.

The fire can be re-lit.

This doesn't have to be an ending.

Our hearth has grown so cold,

But the warmth may still remain.

Our love can be reborn,

If we allow the flame to win.

Because the flame is still alive,

And thought it may be dim,

We just need to stoke the flames

And let our love begin, again.

-Daniel Kinnunen, 2018

I wrote this poem while in a dying relationship. I wanted to believe that it was the right relationship for me, and I did everything I could to keep the flame alive. Unfortunately, it takes more than just desire to keep a romance alive. Much like a fire, relationships require tending.

Much like lighting a fire, anyone can start a relationship. So long as you have the proper tools, lighting a fire is easy. Keeping that flame alive is the hard part. To keep a fire burning requires a few things. You need a solid foundation of kindling to catch a spark and start the flame. You need fuel for that flame to burn longer than a few seconds. You need to continue to add to the fuel source over time, or soon the fire goes out. You also need to make room for the fire to "breathe." Further, over-tending can cause the fire to die out. It takes a certain balance, of maintenance and allowing it to grow on its own, to keep a fire burning brightly. So too, does a relationship.

A relationship, in order to be successful, must have a solid foundation. There needs to be mutual attraction, shared interests, and decent communication in the beginning stages of a relationship; this is the kindling. As the relationship grows, there must be shared experiences and greater levels of communication over time to keep the relationship alive; this is the fuel source. You must also be constantly trying to grow the relationship, rather than letting it stagnate. A solid relationship needs steady growth; you must always be adding more fuel to the flames. You also need to make space for each other and remember that each party is an individual; don't smother the flame, allow it room to breathe. Finally, it takes a consistent balance of tending to the relationship, while not becoming completely dependent on the other person; much like tending a flame requires balance, so too does tending to a relationship.

Unfortunately, no matter how well you tend to a flame or a relationship, sometimes either just slowly dies out. It often happens when you allow either to stagnate. Whether you forget to add more fuel, accidentally smother it with over-maintenance, or simply allow it to burn out over time, sometimes flames and relationships just don't last. Occasionally, you may be able to stoke the flames from even a small ember, but it takes as much dedication as lighting the fire, in the first place. It is best to keep a fire lit, rather than trying to get it burning from ash. Relationships also need such attention and dedication. While it is possible to re-ignite a fading romance, it takes considerably more effort than ensuring it never burns out, completely.