Depression: Underrated Signs
You're underrated in our lives.
You using approach all with a disguise.
Hiding your ugly/dark face.
Before you're exposed, you disgrace.
You disgrace those that considered you.
A model that will prove to be true.
So when it's revealed that you are a lie.
Some break free but some victims die.
I was one of them victims.
I survived because I got wisdom.
Not just any wisdom.
But wisdom from the kingdom.
I encountered you myself.
I didn't know you were no help.
Instead, you disabled me.
It was hell, but I broke free.
I broke free and warned others.
I warned them of your encounter.
Remembering what you did to me.
Made me want to help others be free.
Your cunning ways you try to hide.
I want people to not ignore the signs.
When I was younger I thought being up late nights was cool. Staying up watching late night programs and talking about it in class. For example, I stayed up watching BET uncut. BET uncut was a program showing videos of big artists in music degrading women. Having them half naked dancing. I was never really one to go to night clubs or anything because I was not raised that way but I made up for it by doing things like this. Up late nights doing things to my body that are not supposed to be done. Along with BET uncut I was also enjoying watching adult videos and other things just feeding my soul a bunch of garbage. Those adult shows and films I would say started with curiosity. I heard my friends in school talking about it and became curious. I found ways to watch it. It felt so good to me I started doing it daily. Early on, nothing was happening to me. My body just got used to it. So much until it boiled over into my life because I did not care that it was wrong. I just loved how it made me feel. As I got older I stopped watching all those filthy programs but that spirit was still in me. Each time I was down it will often flare up. Along with that subtle behavior still lurking around in my life I was also still staying up late. I just turned my negative practices into positive ones thinking that meant something. I felt exhausted but just would not go to sleep.
My lack of sleep led to daily discomfort in my life but since I grew up in church I was ok with it because GOD made me comfortable and uncomfortable all my life. I grew up in a rough neighborhood. With a mother that will do anything for her children and a father that I never knew. I had two major life saving surgeries but through it all I gave GOD thanks. I was in pain and did not understand it but thanked him. The bible says we will go through things in life and to endure so I was cool with it but the tricky part here that I had to grow up to understand was that much of my discomfort was punishment. Much was but not all. It was because of the things I allowed in my head in the past. I was doing things I was not create me to do. I became too prideful. Since I knew I was being punished I was passive. I accepted it. I took every ounce of hurt and pain as a way of GOD punishing me. After a while, it was affecting my mind. Discomfort in this walk happens but it can become too much about of your lifestyle if you let it. Take it from me. Instead of me dealing with it I just accepted it in my daily life. I admit that I crossed the line and I was happy doing it but it was not good for me. It is not good for anyone.
This was a problem I never thought that I had. I was often nonchalant about everything I faced. When I made mistakes, I will often try again. Acting like it never really happened. Guilt was not something I never let sink in me. It was a good thing but as I got older it became a bad thing. I showed that I did not care about anything or anyone. That even included myself. I did not care for myself. I was not bathing right. Did not look professional in the workplace. I was not purchasing clothes for myself or anything. Sadly, I was never really like that. I was often preoccupied with looking good. Smelling good. Making a good impression. I had no clue that what I thought I was not letting sink into my life really sunk in.
In Ephesians 6 GOD told us all.
That evil in high places will make us fall.
We need him to fight everything.
Without him, we can do nothing.
GOD also said numerous times.
That he is the way and the light that shines.
That shines in all of the dark places.
& you are one of those dark places.
If I didn’t let GOD shine on you.
I won’t be free to tell the truth.
I did have the will power.
But I lacked having GOD's power.
When the time came for me to change.
I was happy to make the change.
My life was free of pain.
& I want yours to be the same.
Have you ever been depressed at a stage in your life?
© 2018 Ryan Jarvis Cornelius