Dealing with Self Reflective Cabin Fever
Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.
Had a bizarrely disturbing dream that caused me to wake up
In a cold sweat and shocked that it happened
Thought I was over the worst of these feelings
Boy, was I ever wrong in this long and twisted case
Dreamt I ran into my most recent ex at a party
They had a mustache and a bad attitude that I was there
Accused me of not making much of an effort in the end
Stopped putting on airs and became too honest for my own good
Unnerved that my dream made me out to be the villain
When it was further from the truth in my eyes
Thought I was being supportive and honest
What a naïve idea to base a relationship on a concept
That the other person knew nothing about either ideal
Going through the many stages of overcoming a break-up
Must be tantamount to a criminal getting out of a life of crime
A mafia type mentality that it's never entirely out of your system
Every experience from now on will be colored by this major heartbreak
Ability to trust and capability of sound judgment will come into question
Whenever your next suitor walks through your front door
Will they be the one you walk into a solid future with, or be doomed to fail
Fully aware with the realization that the most of the fault didn't land with me
The snake oil salesman that left a cold and rude calling card of farewell
Was largely to blame for their lack of honesty and respect of others
Sure, they were no prize in the end, but they could've dealt with things
A lot better and with a lot more tact than what was delivered six months ago
Thought that I was going in the right direction, but recent events changed that
Being forced to work from home in self isolation brought back old feelings
Lonely and dreaming of men from a bygone era that had values
Old school Hollywood idols who respected their female counterparts
Might not have been complete saints off-screen, but stood for something
Not entirely given in completely to youthful irresponsible impulses
When life did not go their way; even though they were to blame for all of it
Chose to open one door instead of walking through another one
Had excuses for everything as to why things will never work
Obligations and responsibilities that many made strives to balance daily
Fabrications to avoid committing to anything substantial and long term
Reality bit pretty hard when realized that the doomed relationship
Was merely smoke and dingy mirrors brought on by faulty ideals
Not the reality of two flawed individuals looking to make a true go of it
Fed up with this demented merry go round of self analysis
Have been told repeatedly that heartbreak doesn't go away in a day
Wish it would just disappear into the ether so that I can forge on ahead
Create a more realistic identity and use it for a more lasting future
That's all anyone can ask for.