Dealing with Self Reflective Cabin Fever

Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 14 years.

Had a bizarrely disturbing dream that caused me to wake up

In a cold sweat and shocked that it happened

Thought I was over the worst of these feelings

Boy, was I ever wrong in this long and twisted case

Dreamt I ran into my most recent ex at a party

They had a mustache and a bad attitude that I was there

Accused me of not making much of an effort in the end

Stopped putting on airs and became too honest for my own good

Unnerved that my dream made me out to be the villain

When it was further from the truth in my eyes

Thought I was being supportive and honest

What a naïve idea to base a relationship on a concept

That the other person knew nothing about either ideal

Going through the many stages of overcoming a break-up

Must be tantamount to a criminal getting out of a life of crime

A mafia type mentality that it's never entirely out of your system

Every experience from now on will be colored by this major heartbreak

Ability to trust and capability of sound judgment will come into question

Whenever your next suitor walks through your front door

Will they be the one you walk into a solid future with, or be doomed to fail

Fully aware with the realization that the most of the fault didn't land with me

The snake oil salesman that left a cold and rude calling card of farewell

Was largely to blame for their lack of honesty and respect of others

Sure, they were no prize in the end, but they could've dealt with things

A lot better and with a lot more tact than what was delivered six months ago

Thought that I was going in the right direction, but recent events changed that

Being forced to work from home in self isolation brought back old feelings

Lonely and dreaming of men from a bygone era that had values

Old school Hollywood idols who respected their female counterparts

Might not have been complete saints off-screen, but stood for something

Not entirely given in completely to youthful irresponsible impulses

When life did not go their way; even though they were to blame for all of it

Chose to open one door instead of walking through another one

Had excuses for everything as to why things will never work

Obligations and responsibilities that many made strives to balance daily

Fabrications to avoid committing to anything substantial and long term

Reality bit pretty hard when realized that the doomed relationship

Was merely smoke and dingy mirrors brought on by faulty ideals

Not the reality of two flawed individuals looking to make a true go of it

Fed up with this demented merry go round of self analysis

Have been told repeatedly that heartbreak doesn't go away in a day

Wish it would just disappear into the ether so that I can forge on ahead

Create a more realistic identity and use it for a more lasting future

That's all anyone can ask for.