Darkness Buried

The darkness dwells as always deep inside me,

Buried so far deep beneath not even I can see.

My smile groomed to blind all those surround,

To convince happiness is genuine to all around.

Even my eyes not capable of showing my soul,

Always succeeded hiding truth, hidden emotions.

Masked face unable to hide mood and thoughts

One second it turns blank, going thru motions.

Intense turmoil as I still can‘t express how I feel,

Hurt, in pain, inside a brewing storm at my heels.

Building anger burst thru certain to attack you,

How do I express it if I was never taught how to Feel?

Those words they haunt me all night and day,

Exposed emotion is vulnerability to keep at bay.

Vulnerability creates a weakness-a giant hole,

The ill intentioned reaches in to take your soul.

Weakness exposed used as tool to destroy you,

Taught too young build walls always keep new.

Knew the rule yet mine for once were all down,

He appeared and got to close in my old town.

I tried to prepare you so you wouldn’t leave,

Only you who I do want to know me do believe.

So why did you run and push me so far away,

It has slowly destroyed me as I begged u to stay

No words to describe the emotions buried inside

Our words to illustrate how our soul did collide.

Desperate to explain exactly how I now feel,

I never believed this emotion could be so real.

Thoughts flood inner crevices of my mind,

Haunting me now in my dreams of every kind.

Hoped he would see When I looked in his eyes

Words not spoken but my heart emotions arise.

Don‘t believe words sufficient to truly describe,

But nothing can really explains it, though I tried.

I needed you to see past darkness, see my heart

To hold me tight, loving me, as I first fell apart.

This darkness deep inside me I need to let go,

Before it’s dark forever and my heart dies slow.

I lay here tonight tears flowing and won’t cease

God I cant do this anymore- I finally need peace

Take me home to heaven where I can be free

Jesus the only one who obviously can truly love me