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Dancing to a Fast Beat

dancing-to-a-fast-beat

Time is a tricky bastard

The mirror is more than silver and glass

It will reflect more than a pretty face

Or a cute little ass

The day, a chore of evermore

Emptiness, tick-tocking

Not to sleep, heart knocking

There are just so many beats to go

My subconscious was in overdrive

Much to bury, "save her pride!"

I let it slide, I'd work to do

Do I know the lady in the silver?

She used to look so cool and hip

Time drizzled through the mirror

When I wasn't looking

"These seconds drag but I'm still alive"

But how? I answer myself,

"Life allows anything" "It permits a soul like me"

My empty cup made my hands shake

In the glass' reflection, I saw myself

I was dizzy and poured another

Seven years passed but the cup stayed empty

I cracked my head while falling

Falling down through the floors

Into the basement's shadows

I fell further so I slept some more

Denial covered me, in a blanket of void

This little black dress fit so well

Eyes accustomed by now

Heartbeats do not slow for sleep

Come realizations and flashes

Year six, eyelids glued

"Oh mirror, mirror crush this demon!"

"Is this me? I'm a good girl!" I cry

"I worked and proved it again and again"

"Yes!" I answered, "This is me and I did it all!"

Mirror says, "But you're the best sinner!"

"You give shame an enviable name!"

"Repugnant, gross, and irredeemable"

Forgiveness?

I shall never ask for it

Nor will I ever give.

Leave it for Jesus

A thousand little dolls saved me

I carried forth empty

And no one knew

A tall glass of energy

Six decades, invisible and in the black

Would nothing ever break?

Nervous nervous nervous

I was dancing fast without a floor

Comments

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on November 24, 2020:

I'm sure it will touch others as well. Writing helps us to search our inner souls.

Linda Kloss (author) from Corpus Christi on November 24, 2020:

Thanks Brenda. After I published this I thought it is too personal

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on November 23, 2020:

Wonderful poem that depicts her internal struggle while maintaining it well hidden.

Thanks for sharing.

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