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Daniella Ruby

The author is a Registered Nurse, Teacher II in English and has worked as an Operations Manager in a BPO company for 7 years.

daniella-ruby

Lost but never forgotten...

I have conceived you two years after your brother
Just like Matthew, yours was not planned
You are a blessing amidst the challenges left and right
Your mommy increased in chunks and weight
One pregnancy after another made me chunkier and unhealthy
We took care of you
Your daddy and I wanted you
Doctor's appointment every month
Laboratories every now and then
My blood pressure went up dramatically
Regular medicines controlled it
Months passed
Finding out you are a flower thrilled me
I imagined buying clothes for you
Playing dolls with you is a dream
Knowing I will have a daughter is bliss
I love it when you move inside me
Swim as much as you want
Play night or day
If only I can hear you
We waited
You cannot be rushed
Never got tired of taking care of you
You're being bakes patiently
Until the power went out
You are not done yet
Premature
Blood pressure is way up
Pending convulsion
Felt the pain of the syringe and medication
I worried more about you
I prayed for your safety
Didn't feel anything when they sliced my belly
I felt more the syringe on my spine
Awake the whole time
Heard your first cry
Cried with you
Lost consciousness in the recovery room
The moment I opened my eyes
My heart and mind were looking for you
Neonatal Intensive Care Unit became your sanctuary
In that hospital no visitor is allowed
Unless, it's visiting hours
Normal delivery or Caesarian
You move alone
You help yourself
Nurses and attendant will only guide
You take care of your own
My desire to see you was stronger
Mommy walked from the 3rd to the second floor
An elevator is convenient
Still the incision hurts
No amount of pain stopped mommy
I cried when I first saw you
Small, fragile baby
I was afraid for you
I stopped crying immediately
I started being your mom
Getting breast milk was hard
Tried my breast though painful
Made sure that you are safe inside the incubator
Monitored your breathing and oxygen
Went on the routine for more than a month
We witnessed babies discharged
We were there on over 50 deaths
You knew I cried every timeDANIELLA RUBY
Mommy was scared
First time you convulsed
My heart stopped
Tubes were put in you
Your breathing must be assisted
If only it was me
I'm willing to take the pain
Double... Triple... Quadruple it up
Mommy's willing
Heartbreaking, it was you
Why... I don't know
Mommy and Daddy were not sleeping
Your brother had to be with your grandparents
He has to be taken cared of too
We had to focus on you
Your red blood cells dropped
Blood transfusion had to be done twice
We became more alert
We prayed harder
More than a month of fighting
We knew you wanted to be with us
Why you had to suffer so much is beyond me
I never left your side
Prayers continued
Daniella Ruby is the name I gave you
Even with great hope and faith
You showed me you are tired
I felt selfish
Your small bodies in tube
Tears ran down the corners of your closed eyes
I apologized deeply to you
I overlooked that your small frame can only take so much
I prayed and told you to go back to the arms of our Lord
I saw your face lighten up...