Circling the Self Confidence Drain: Weekend Supply at a Bargain Basement Price
Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 13 years.
Started to literally chase an endless imaginary dragon
Running down a maze of a stairwell that went nowhere
Hard to describe unless you're in my head
Wouldn't recommend it at the moment; too spooky for words
Has been a strange and complicated two year trip
Experienced some highs and extreme lows
Wondered at times if the self dug hole will be permanent
Impossible to get out alone or with help
Managed to survive with wits relatively intact
A little bit of humor and some optimism
Occasionally, have moments where stress was high
Performing at warp speed to only feel exhaust
Slap you directly in the face hard enough to leave a mark
Friday afternoons at work often the worst of it
Chaos personified and then some
Anxiety reached an all-time high as of 5:00PM
Don't understand where these uneasy feelings
Are coming from and/or are all about
A complicated cocktail of hormones and fears
Afraid to trust my emotions entirely
Don't know if they're legitimate or anxiety induced
Maybe, even sleep deprived to some extent
Alarm clock getting earlier and earlier
Waking up in the dark and getting home in the dead of night
Working continuously to stop the deluge of work
Flowing down the stream at an increasingly rapid rate
Listening to loud 80s pop music and downing candy ad nauseum
Not sure if any of it is helping me function properly
Eager to be happy and not feel like a work horse in a time loop
No need to work on developing a work ethic by a doctor
Just told here's a pill and to fend for myself
Also, have an underling condition to contend with
Unsure if it has to do with my messy state of mind
Wish it did, because it would be something tangible to connect to
Hashimoto's Disease has been part of my existence
For 13 arduous years, unsure if it has anything to do with it
Or my sanity has just finally reached its elasticity
Rubber band with inches of snapping in half
Scared that my friends and loved one will grow tired of my worrying
And erratic mood swing merry go round
Looking to put one foot in front of the other
Trying to embrace a decent by weekly paycheck in the pipeline
With a good chunk of it going to Uncle Sam
Perils of being a responsible and functioning adult
Could be worse; could be my loser ex-boyfriend
No job or prospects to speak of
Boy, starting to feel better already.
Now, that's a start.