Circling the Self Confidence Drain: Weekend Supply at a Bargain Basement Price

Updated on November 22, 2019
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Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.

Started to literally chase an endless imaginary dragon

Running down a maze of a stairwell that went nowhere

Hard to describe unless you're in my head

Wouldn't recommend it at the moment; too spooky for words

Has been a strange and complicated two year trip

Experienced some highs and extreme lows

Wondered at times if the self dug hole will be permanent

Impossible to get out alone or with help

Managed to survive with wits relatively intact

A little bit of humor and some optimism

Occasionally, have moments where stress was high

Performing at warp speed to only feel exhaust

Slap you directly in the face hard enough to leave a mark

Friday afternoons at work often the worst of it

Chaos personified and then some

Anxiety reached an all-time high as of 5:00PM

Don't understand where these uneasy feelings

Are coming from and/or are all about

A complicated cocktail of hormones and fears

Afraid to trust my emotions entirely

Don't know if they're legitimate or anxiety induced

Maybe, even sleep deprived to some extent

Alarm clock getting earlier and earlier

Waking up in the dark and getting home in the dead of night

Working continuously to stop the deluge of work

Flowing down the stream at an increasingly rapid rate

Listening to loud 80s pop music and downing candy ad nauseum

Not sure if any of it is helping me function properly

Eager to be happy and not feel like a work horse in a time loop

No need to work on developing a work ethic by a doctor

Just told here's a pill and to fend for myself

Also, have an underling condition to contend with

Unsure if it has to do with my messy state of mind

Wish it did, because it would be something tangible to connect to

Hashimoto's Disease has been part of my existence

For 13 arduous years, unsure if it has anything to do with it

Or my sanity has just finally reached its elasticity

Rubber band with inches of snapping in half

Scared that my friends and loved one will grow tired of my worrying

And erratic mood swing merry go round

Looking to put one foot in front of the other

Trying to embrace a decent by weekly paycheck in the pipeline

With a good chunk of it going to Uncle Sam

Perils of being a responsible and functioning adult

Could be worse; could be my loser ex-boyfriend

No job or prospects to speak of

Boy, starting to feel better already.

Now, that's a start.



Where is this going? Hard to say.
Where is this going? Hard to say.

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