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Breaking Free of the Mask

A writer for ten years with. a severe case of wanderlust. She spends most her time with her head in the clouds.

breaking-free-of-the-mask

I wrote this right after I chose to become sober. It was super hard at first. I did not handle the first few weeks well, at all. I took the advice of one of my favorite cartoon characters, and just kept swimming. I still have bad days, but it is easier now.

If anyone would have told me, two years ago, I would soon become a drug addict, I would have laughed. I made the same excuses many addicts used, before me.Very few people know this, because I don't want pity, but Im sick, my brain is deteriorating. The doctors don't yet know why, but we are getting closer to answers. I did drugs to make me forget the pain and the fear. I was just running from my problems. Unfortunately, the drugs had the lovely side effect of making everything worse. Once I stopped hiding from my problems and started facing them, I started to get answers. We still don't have all the answers, but we found a medicine that helps me tremendously.

Over the year I was using, I did and said many things, I regret. I will always live with that on my conscience. However, I have learned so much about myself, and grown as a person, over these past 5 months- since becoming sober.


breaking-free-of-the-mask

The hunger grows.

Not just in my stomach,

I can feel that shit, in my bones.

I can think of nothing but it.

I try to fill the hole.

I try to pretend I'm whole.



Every morning, the mask goes on;

Smile, Laugh, Repeat.

Lately it keeps slipping off,

as my demons push, to be free.



Inside the thunder rolls,

and lightning will crash.

I cannot see the snakes in the grass.

Everyone wants something.

Some want it all.


Still every morning, the mask goes on.

Why does it all feel so ,damn,wrong?

Lately it keeps slipping off.

as I push to be free.

Comments

Lisa Chronister (author) from Florida on June 04, 2020:

Thank you so much. I have my good days and my bad. Just like everyone else. All I can do is - just keep swimming. Thank you for dropping in. Have an amazing day.

Ruby Jean Richert from Southern Illinois on May 12, 2020:

I love this. You using a mask to hide under is so common. The road is rough and bumpy, but you'll make it just fine. God's speed my friend.

Lorna Lamon on May 12, 2020:

Hi Lisa, Your poem highlights the pain, determination and courage it takes to fight addiction. Even though there are always pitfalls your decision to become sober is a light at the end of a tunnel. I wish you well on this journey of recovery. Stay strong.

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