A writer for ten years with. a severe case of wanderlust. She spends most her time with her head in the clouds.
I wrote this right after I chose to become sober. It was super hard at first. I did not handle the first few weeks well, at all. I took the advice of one of my favorite cartoon characters, and just kept swimming. I still have bad days, but it is easier now.
If anyone would have told me, two years ago, I would soon become a drug addict, I would have laughed. I made the same excuses many addicts used, before me.Very few people know this, because I don't want pity, but Im sick, my brain is deteriorating. The doctors don't yet know why, but we are getting closer to answers. I did drugs to make me forget the pain and the fear. I was just running from my problems. Unfortunately, the drugs had the lovely side effect of making everything worse. Once I stopped hiding from my problems and started facing them, I started to get answers. We still don't have all the answers, but we found a medicine that helps me tremendously.
Over the year I was using, I did and said many things, I regret. I will always live with that on my conscience. However, I have learned so much about myself, and grown as a person, over these past 5 months- since becoming sober.
The hunger grows.
Not just in my stomach,
I can feel that shit, in my bones.
I can think of nothing but it.
I try to fill the hole.
I try to pretend I'm whole.
Every morning, the mask goes on;
Smile, Laugh, Repeat.
Lately it keeps slipping off,
as my demons push, to be free.
Inside the thunder rolls,
and lightning will crash.
I cannot see the snakes in the grass.
Everyone wants something.
Some want it all.
Still every morning, the mask goes on.
Why does it all feel so ,damn,wrong?
Lately it keeps slipping off.
as I push to be free.