At the End - LetterPile - Writing and Literature
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At the End

Jessica has been a poet and writer since she was 9 years old. She has had 2 Poems published in poetry magazine's.

I Would Have Been Stronger For It

Am I supposed to feel relieved?

How am I supposed to take this hit in the chest,

And just pretend it doesn't hurt me,

For what it truly is?

It's just another thing you've taken, in the end.

I'm sure it was self evident,

That I needed this to close that chapter,

Of what my life had been.

I want to scream,

I want to cry,

Why can't I let myself feel any of this?

I was scared, sure,

Just the thought of

Being in a room with you was terrifying

But now I'm sure it would have done nothing

But build my strength, in the end

I would have been better for having faced you

And spoken my truth

In the end

I would be stronger for this

Now I have no choice but to move on

Get on with my life

Healing and rebuilding myself

But how do I do that

With so much still on my mind

Title: Self Portrait 3303

Title: Self Portrait 3303

The Crowd

It's like I'm standing in a crowded room,

And everyone has the same eyes as you.

They all judge and discriminate,

Thinking I'm dumb or out of date.

Little do these people know,

The damage that you did in tow.

How can I possibly explain,

All the pain and how I haven't gained a thing?

How everything in my world went sideways.

And I don't blame you for anything.

My Fears

I'm scared for the next girl you get ahold of.

With all the anger you now hold,

I thought it was big before,

Now it must be giant.

I'll cry at her bruises and her self esteem problems,

I'll share her tears,

And every single one of her fears.

I'll feel every break,

And pray to god she escapes.

I feel so sorry that I couldn't do more,

But I did all I could,

I just wish I could have done more.

Dove in a Cage

My heart feels so finicky

Like a dove in a cage

Dependent on all it's rage

Pulled in every direction

Up, down and sideways.


Self Portrait 1

Self Portrait 1

The Blame

I wish I could forget the past,

Pretend the last 8 years didn't happen.

I wish the heart and mind would collide,

That I could move on, without a single trace of you.

I wish I could erase you from my world,

And let my reality be without all this guilt.

I wish I could purge you from my reality,

And just forget that you meant something.

I wish I could go back in time,

To undo the mistakes I made so many times,

Forgiving you when I should have let you burn,

For picking you up when you needed to fall,

For letting you take it all,

For not forcing you to face your actions.

So much blame,

And I blame you for none of it.

Song Left Unsung

I think of the gun,

Sitting in its case.

Of the. rope and its tightening embrace,

Of what it would feel like to drown,

To let the world be lost of its sound.

I think of the darkness,

That I'de let just creep in,

The calm that would outplay the sin.

I think of the people who would regret,

Not knowing how close I lay to death.

I hope that they would move on,

Chalk it up to depression gone wrong.

I wonder at the tears they would cry,

Hoping that their eyes would eventually dry.

I hope they would realize,

Nothing could be done,

But let me go into the blackness,

One last song left unsung.


The Egg on a Cliff

I don’t know what to write,

What even to say,

When others ask me if I’m okay.

How do I explain?

I may not look dead

But I feel like I already am.

At first the tears poured from my eyes,

And now that they are dry,

I feel sadder than when I had cried.

The anger that originally boiled inside,

Has subsided into utter indifference,

And that scares me more than the rage.

At first I felt insane,

Now the sanity is making me close to crazy.

I feel so separated from who I am,

Who I was,

Who I’ve been.

I don’t even know where or how to begin,

To piece myself back together again.

Self Portrait 1110

Self Portrait 1110

Hearts Fall for the Wrong One's

In the end I hope you're a part of me,

For a part of me you touched.

I cannot say that you mean the world,

Or that you mean as much.

But knowing fate,

And the way my heart breaks,

I am meant to hurt you in some way.

I promise this is not my intention,

These words are nothing but my truth.

I go in with full faith,

Hoping I can love you.

But in the end,

All is nigh,

I can only promise,

I will try.

I swear upon the Earth and moon,

That I will do my best to leave you

Whole, unbroken and heart intact.

I cannot say I've left all with pride,

And I know I've left wakes in stride.

My footsteps are glued to several paths,

My shadow left in many sands,

My heart prints remain on many plans,

I can only hope the last is true,

That in the end,

My soul will owe one to you.

Fork In The Road

Contribution and Additional Editing by T. Robulon

At this fork in the road,

I look back at where I've been.

I wonder how I got from there,

To where I am.

Looking backwards,

Valley's impossibly deep,

Hills masquerading as mountains.

All I see,

Is lies left over by thee.

Shattered bits of myself,

Left broken and forgotten.

Scattered mirror bits,

Reflecting bits forgotten,

All left behind.

Remembered warnings gave so often.

Unrealized damage done,

And done so often.

I wish I could blame love,

But love remains un-judged,

Para mi, amor fati.

I'm the One Who Didn't Leave

The anger is almost deafening,

Voices screaming from the inside of nothing.

The echo is agonizing,

I can hear the past, present and future,

All colliding into one.

I wonder what will be become of my mind, soul and spirit,

Now that's its broken and acknowledged of its shattered pieces.

For so long I've been in denial,

For so long I have looked past the damage done,

The torn pieces and lost sections,

Of who I once was.

But now I look upon myself,

And don't recognize who I see,

The fear inside of me is likely to be set free.

All I want is to go back to the self I was.

Back before all of this went awry,

Before I gave you all that I was,

And you left it, to put yourself on high.

How can I come back from,

This emptiness I feel inside me?

Because honestly it's like nothing I've ever faced.

For god sakes I had to escape that place,

The place that was once my home,

Long before you were the turn off the road.

I know what I did was right,

It was the only option I had left,

To save the small pieces of me you couldn't see.

The only one's I had that were left.

But how can I not be angry,

Now that I have realized all that you did to me?

Every piece of me offered to you,

You broke without hesitation.

Returning it, only once it was shattered beyond recognition.

The anger in me builds,

Like bricks placed in ordered chaos.

I wonder how I dealt,

In those moment of hurt and pain,

In those days spent in tears,

And forgetting what it was like to dance in the rain.

I remember smiling,

For not all of it was bad,

But the pieces that you took,

They mean so much to who I am.

I feel like there's almost nothing left.

That's why when I look in the mirror,

I don't see the scars or the pain,

I see someone I don't recognize and can't help but blame.

I know it's not the healthy thing,

To hate what I've become,

To not blame you in the least,

For you only did the deeds,

I'm the one,

Who didn't leave.

Comments

Laurie S Novak from Michigan on May 18, 2020:

I like all of these! Very well done! Thank you for sharing.