Ivor at the Pearly Gates
'You Can't Come in Here - IVOR!'
A Cautionary Tale
Ivor stood at the gates of Heaven,
Having died last night.
But when they wouldn't let him in
He really had a fright.
An angel flapped his golden wings
And shook his silver head:
"You've done such wicked, awful things!"
And from his book he read:
"Throughout your earthly life below
You've always been a skiver;
Your record is no good you know,
You can't come in here - IVOR!"
"We think it is disgraceful
The way that you've behaved
Pinching plastic daffodils
From other people's graves."
Ivor looked so sorrowful;
"I did not mean to do it.
I did not pinch the daffodil
It was the wind that blew it!"
The angel shut his big black book
And padlocked up the gate
"You're such an evil, nasty crook
I'll leave you to your fate."
"The angel had no more to tell
So a demon came along,
"I've come to take you down to hell"
And he poked him with his prong.
The path to Hell was very hot
And with brimstone he was pelted
Ivor screamed and raged a lot
And his plastic daffy melted.
Hell itself was even hotter
And Ivor had no sun tan oil
The demon said: "You nasty rotter
I'll put the brimstone on to boil."
So Ivor came to a sticky end
In a pot of molten lava
He won't go pinching daffs again
And that's the sad tale of my father.
This was one of the first poems I wrote in about 1980. My dad read it and approved of it. The reason I wrote it was because whenever we went to the cemetery to visit his mother's grave, he'd forget to buy flowers and once I remember he took some daffodils from another grave and placed them on hers. I made a joke of it and said, 'They won't let you into heaven, you know, for doing things like that!'
My dad died in 1999 and I'm sure if there is such a place as heaven, they will have been a bit more lenient with him than I depicted in my poem!
© 2015 Stella Kaye