At the End of the Day- a Poem

At the end of the day

It isn’t about this monster inside me

At the end of the day

It isn’t about the voices in my head

At the end of the day

It isn’t about the crippling pain I suffer

At the end of the day

It isn’t about the loneliness I feel

No

At the end of the day there is one thing that keeps me up

That makes me afraid to fall asleep

I used to have dreams

Good ones

About happiness and adventure

About being a hero

About being more than nothing

Now

Now when I sleep it is either

Horrific nightmares of things come to get me

Things come to tear me apart in the night

Things of shadow

Tall horrific things

With cold dead eyes

Eyes of the deepest crimson fury

Eyes that hold little more than my guilt

Over the littlest things

Over nothing at all

The nightmares they come

All to often

But something worse

Something far worse

When I sleep I am alone

Alone in the dark of my mind

And when I am not dreaming of the terrors come to tear at my very soul

I dream of a dark empty room

With only me at its center

Far to hurt to cry

But far to angry to fall into the blackness of sleep