At the Gate - A Poem

Updated on June 28, 2018
Senoritaa profile image

Rinita is a creative writer, with focus on poetry. She delves into several forms including Haiku/Senryu, Sonnets, Free Verse, and Prose.

Source

The Poem

Some sorrows never pass

Some pains never heal

Some memories never fade

Some dreams don't turn real


Some rivers never dry

Some glaciers never melt

Some hearts never cry

Some stories never sell


Some stars never shine

Some moons never wake

Some tides never rise

Some time's never at stake


Some bonds never die

They draw into your soul

Until you are at the gate

And the heaven unfolds




© 2018 Rinita Sen

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    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      2 weeks ago

      Thank you for your comment and visit, Hari!

    • shprd74 profile image

      Hari Prasad S 

      2 weeks ago from Bangalore

      Wonderful thoughts.

      - Hari

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you, Sanaa. I am really glad.

    • The ENTITY profile image

      Sanaa Najim 

      3 weeks ago

      I really like it a lot !!! it's a very nice poem dear RENITA

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you, northwestarr for sharing your criticism. This poem was more instinctive on my part than personal. This meant what it was supposed to mean, I think, without going too much into what made me write this. The context is general. Anyway, thank you for commenting. It is always good to get another perspective!

    • northweststarr profile image

      northweststarr 

      3 weeks ago from Washington State

      hmmm.... To be completely honest, I feel like this poem should mean more then it does. It feels to me like you really didn't express anything personal enough. I don't have a good sense of voice from it. (the viewpoint of the poem) There really isn't any specificity to the imagery or the word choices. It just feels... generic. Every line is like yeah so what? Until I get to the last stanza and wonder if there's perhaps a language barrier that is making it not work for me. It feels to me like you put a LOT of thought into what this poem meant to you (which is important) but you were too shy to push the envelope and give us the context. I'm not trying to be rude AT ALL.

      Let me break it down so maybe you'll see what I mean (you can feel free not to post this comment if you don't want to, (not everyone thrives on public criticism like I do)

      So stanza 1- the voice is mourning... We've all mourned (so we can relate) but there's nothing here that gives us any sense of connection to the voice of the poem.

      Stanza 2- uncertain whether or not you were just rhyming here and trying to sound deep? Even then Rivers, Glaciers, Hearts... these are all stereotypical references used in poetry that have a lot of built up mojo that really lends no personal touch to the poem at all.

      (The stories that don't sell line was interesting and felt like maybe the only true thing you said in this poem as it was such a jarring departure from the rest)

      Stanza 3- I didn't mind this stanza so much since you were doing that cute little oh what if somewhere these things that we know always happen don't happen thing. It was ok even if the imagery used was still generic (Archetypal imagery like these can also be a powerful tool)

      Stanza 4- Confusion abounds. I didn't hate it but I didn't really get the bonds drawing into your soul as you die thing. Wouldn't you be casting off your bonds as you stand before the gates of heaven? At least that seems to be the belief system most religions espouse. Also I have no idea what bonds you are talking about. I'm assuming the bonds you shared with the person you're grieving for in the first stanza but that's thin since there is really so little context.

      (What I'm trying to say I guess is while the language of this poem is alright, and yes it rhymed and had a point of view (The concepts not bad at all.) I would love to see it worked into something that has soul instead of something that just references it.

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      3 weeks ago

      I love your expression, manatita. Your pieces on the Lord's mercy have time and again inspired me. Thank you again.

    • manatita44 profile image

      manatita44 

      3 weeks ago from london

      Yes. Some seemingly remain so and we take those memories to the grave time and time again.

      But yes, our Lord is always merciful and ultimately victorious. A very wise and exquisite piece, Rinita.

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you again for visiting, Frank.

    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 

      3 weeks ago from Shelton

      wow, this was fantastic, I loved it

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you, Ann. Appreciate your visit.

    • annart profile image

      Ann Carr 

      3 weeks ago from SW England

      Great rhythm, great poem, Rinita.

      You've summed up life well!

      Ann

    • Senoritaa profile imageAUTHOR

      Rinita Sen 

      3 weeks ago

      Thank you, John. Glad I was able to get the meaning across with this style. Thank you again for visiting, and for your insightful comment.

    • Jodah profile image

      John Hansen 

      3 weeks ago from Queensland Australia

      Rinita, some poems have an impact :) Starting each line with the same word "some" here was very effective and the poem an enjoyable read..no matter what "never" happens we all end up at the gate.

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