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At the Gate - A Poem

Author:

Rinita is a creative writer, with focus on poetry. She delves into several forms including Haiku/Senryu, Sonnets, Free Verse, and Prose.

at-the-gate-a-poem

The Poem

Some sorrows never pass

Some pains never heal

Some memories never fade

Some dreams don't turn real


Some rivers never dry

Some glaciers never melt

Some hearts never cry

Some stories never sell


Some stars never shine

Some moons never wake

Some tides never rise

Some time's never at stake


Some bonds never die

They draw into your soul

Until you are at the gate

And the heaven unfolds




© 2018 Rinita Sen

Comments

Rinita Sen (author) on September 04, 2018:

Thank you, Joni. Appreciate your visit. Glad you enjoyed it.

Joni Hooks from Fort Worth, Texas on September 04, 2018:

Such a lovely poem, I enjoyed reading it.

Rinita Sen (author) on August 24, 2018:

Thank you, Kamalesh for reading and finding meaning in it. Appreciate your kind comment.

Kamalesh Chakraverty from Sahaganj, Dist. Hooghly, West Bengal, India on August 24, 2018:

I loved this poem.....it has nice style, easy flow and carries meaning which you have been able to express beautifully. Best Wishes.

Rinita Sen (author) on July 04, 2018:

Thank you for your comment and visit, Hari!

Hari Prasad S from Bangalore on July 04, 2018:

Wonderful thoughts.

- Hari

Rinita Sen (author) on June 30, 2018:

Thank you, Sanaa. I am really glad.

Sanaa Najim from Morocco on June 30, 2018:

I really like it a lot !!! it's a very nice poem dear RENITA

Rinita Sen (author) on June 30, 2018:

Thank you, northwestarr for sharing your criticism. This poem was more instinctive on my part than personal. This meant what it was supposed to mean, I think, without going too much into what made me write this. The context is general. Anyway, thank you for commenting. It is always good to get another perspective!

northweststarr from Washington State on June 30, 2018:

hmmm.... To be completely honest, I feel like this poem should mean more then it does. It feels to me like you really didn't express anything personal enough. I don't have a good sense of voice from it. (the viewpoint of the poem) There really isn't any specificity to the imagery or the word choices. It just feels... generic. Every line is like yeah so what? Until I get to the last stanza and wonder if there's perhaps a language barrier that is making it not work for me. It feels to me like you put a LOT of thought into what this poem meant to you (which is important) but you were too shy to push the envelope and give us the context. I'm not trying to be rude AT ALL.

Let me break it down so maybe you'll see what I mean (you can feel free not to post this comment if you don't want to, (not everyone thrives on public criticism like I do)

So stanza 1- the voice is mourning... We've all mourned (so we can relate) but there's nothing here that gives us any sense of connection to the voice of the poem.

Stanza 2- uncertain whether or not you were just rhyming here and trying to sound deep? Even then Rivers, Glaciers, Hearts... these are all stereotypical references used in poetry that have a lot of built up mojo that really lends no personal touch to the poem at all.

(The stories that don't sell line was interesting and felt like maybe the only true thing you said in this poem as it was such a jarring departure from the rest)

Stanza 3- I didn't mind this stanza so much since you were doing that cute little oh what if somewhere these things that we know always happen don't happen thing. It was ok even if the imagery used was still generic (Archetypal imagery like these can also be a powerful tool)

Stanza 4- Confusion abounds. I didn't hate it but I didn't really get the bonds drawing into your soul as you die thing. Wouldn't you be casting off your bonds as you stand before the gates of heaven? At least that seems to be the belief system most religions espouse. Also I have no idea what bonds you are talking about. I'm assuming the bonds you shared with the person you're grieving for in the first stanza but that's thin since there is really so little context.

(What I'm trying to say I guess is while the language of this poem is alright, and yes it rhymed and had a point of view (The concepts not bad at all.) I would love to see it worked into something that has soul instead of something that just references it.

Rinita Sen (author) on June 29, 2018:

I love your expression, manatita. Your pieces on the Lord's mercy have time and again inspired me. Thank you again.

manatita44 from london on June 29, 2018:

Yes. Some seemingly remain so and we take those memories to the grave time and time again.

But yes, our Lord is always merciful and ultimately victorious. A very wise and exquisite piece, Rinita.

Rinita Sen (author) on June 29, 2018:

Thank you again for visiting, Frank.

Frank Atanacio from Shelton on June 29, 2018:

wow, this was fantastic, I loved it

Rinita Sen (author) on June 29, 2018:

Thank you, Ann. Appreciate your visit.

Ann Carr from SW England on June 29, 2018:

Great rhythm, great poem, Rinita.

You've summed up life well!

Ann

Rinita Sen (author) on June 28, 2018:

Thank you, John. Glad I was able to get the meaning across with this style. Thank you again for visiting, and for your insightful comment.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on June 28, 2018:

Rinita, some poems have an impact :) Starting each line with the same word "some" here was very effective and the poem an enjoyable read..no matter what "never" happens we all end up at the gate.