Updated date:

Ashes In Flame

Dementia- A health curse!

It was my father's birthday on 25th April and despite the lock-down, we decided to go for a small celebration at home. To our surprise, when we asked him to blow the candles before cutting the cake, he no longer seemed to remember how to do it.

He is a patient of Alzheimer's disease and it saddens me immensely to see him gradually give in to this state of memory loss over the last few years. In Bangladesh, it's customary for the children to take care of the elderly instead of keeping them in nursing homes. Our parents have taken care of us when we were young and it is just fair that we do the same in times of their need.

Dedicating this one to all the people suffering from dementia and also to their families and caregivers who find it equally tormenting to see their close ones suffer.

ashes-in-flame

Ashes In Flame

What would happen if you suddenly,


Find yourself lost in time?


If you can no longer recall the people you knew,


Or what you did in your life’s prime.



Your memories keep fading


Faster than your body turning frail,


Like the shadows losing their track


On a dusty and broken sundial.



In confusion, you live in your present


As you cannot be sure of your past,


You have no account of things you did


Or experiences that would last.



Unknown people surround you


Though they are your very own:


Your close friends and family


Your loving spouse, daughter, and son.



Your own home seems unfamiliar


As you often fail to recall,


The life that you had so fondly lived in it


And now apart it all falls!



As if stuck in a tormenting deja vu,


With a mind put on a lock,


In turmoil, like the weather, still and silent,


Before the Nor’wester creates its havoc.



To get relief from the agony


You escape in search of respite,


But soon you realize it’s a losing game


There is no way to win this fight.



How sad would that life be, imagine!


If you failed to remember your own name,


And find your memories vanish in thin air,


Like those ashes in the flame.



Farah N Huq

27.04.2021

ashes-in-flame

Blast from the past- My father taking the two of us to see our new pet deer. We decided to set it free.

ashes-in-flame

A small prayer for all

May the Almighty bless us all with good health, happiness and prosperity and help us combat this pandemic soon.

© 2021 Farah N Huq

Comments

Farah N Huq (author) from Dhaka, Bangladesh on April 29, 2021:

Dear Misbah, thank you so much for your support and blessings. I really appreciate the kind gesture. Stay blessed always!

Misbah from The Planet Earth on April 29, 2021:

Farah, So sorry to hear that your father has Alzheimer's disease. He is lucky he has a supporting and loving family. May God Bless your father with good health. Ameen!!

Blessings to you and your family

Farah N Huq (author) from Dhaka, Bangladesh on April 27, 2021:

Dear Brenda, thank you so much for sharing your experience. Yes, it does get extremely difficult at times. However, we were somewhat prepared to deal with this as not only my father, my paternal grandmother had it too. So when my father started to face issues with his memory impairment, we knew what was about to come. The good thing is, he never fails to recall my son. The rest of us come and go in his memory. He remembers me as a small girl, not as a fully grown woman. Then again at times he would put his hand on my head and say "don't worry, study hard, you can do it" like he did when I felt stressed due to my medical exams....and I feel the same calmness surrounding me even now. Parents, no matter in what state and age, are the most important support system you can have. It's truly a blessing to have them in our lives as long as we can. May the Almighty bless us all and keep us safe in this pandemic.

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on April 27, 2021:

I am sorry you and your family are dacing this devastating disease with your father.

It is so hard and painful watching as they forget.

My step father recently passed away and he suffered from this disease.

It is heartbreaking to day the least. There will be moments that you get frustrated and hurt, but remember he is not the one doing any of the things he will do.

Love him..I'm glad you can keep him at home.

We had to eventually put my step dad in a nursinghome because we couldn't control his actions, especially in the middle of the night.

Take care and my heart goes out to you & your family.

Farah N Huq (author) from Dhaka, Bangladesh on April 27, 2021:

Thank you so much, dear Mr. Bill, for your supportive words and sincere blessings. My prayers and blessings for your friend too. I am glad that you took the time to read this piece. Hoping to get more feedback and opinion from you. Stay blessed and safe always.

Farah N Huq (author) from Dhaka, Bangladesh on April 27, 2021:

Thank you so much, dear Lorna, for your supportive words. Sorry to know that you to had to witness the same. It is frustrating no doubt, especially the times he got lost, twice actually, once during our trip to Bhutan and once in our city Dhaka. Finding him in Bhutan was not as difficult as it was finding him in Dhaka owing to the heavy population that we have here. He was trying to reach my house as he was missing my son and lost his way. For three days we couldn't find him and when we did he had no recollection of how he managed without any support. He was heavily traumatized though. So now we are extremely careful about letting him out alone. Turned a small abandoned storage space in the house into a small garden that he can use to take a walk without getting lost again. Please do pray for him. Stay blessed always.

Bill Holland from Olympia, WA on April 27, 2021:

I am very sorry about your father. My best friend has Alzheimer's, and it is an ugly disease that I know very well. Blessings to you and to your father, and may you both find peace.

Lorna Lamon on April 27, 2021:

You have my sympathy Farah and I am so sorry to hear this sad news. I was moved by this touching and heartbreaking poem, and I know how difficult it is to come to terms with, as my own father had this cruel disease. Even though it is frustrating at times, it is worth remembering the love he had for you especially when he can no longer remember. Your father has the support of his loving family and having that extra care will also be of benefit. God bless you and your family Farah, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Farah N Huq (author) from Dhaka, Bangladesh on April 26, 2021:

Thank you so much, dear Linda, for your appreciation and also for your sincere concern for my father. I am delighted to know that you liked the poem. Hoping to get more feedbacks from you. Please do pray for us. Stay safe and blessed always.

Linda Crampton from British Columbia, Canada on April 26, 2021:

You’ve created a very moving poem. I’m so sorry that your father has Alzheimer’s disease. It’s good that he has his family to support him.

Farah N Huq (author) from Dhaka, Bangladesh on April 26, 2021:

Thank you very much, dear John, for your important insight into this matter. You are right, it does get extremely frustrating at times. We don’t have good homes here nor do we have good daycare centers for kids. The traditional practice, so far, has been to stay together, so that the children get to enjoy their grandparent’s company and vice versa and also stay safe under their supervision and learn from their wisdom, while the adults get busy with their work; but with the world moving at its fast pace, things are slowly changing with time. If it wasn’t for my parents looking after my son, it would’ve been extremely difficult for me to continue working as a medical doctor. The good side to it was that it lead to a great bond between my son and my parents. My father often forgets who we are but if there is one person he doesn’t fail to remember, it is my son. That’s how strongly he feels for his grandson. We will require to get hired help soon now that he is slowly forgetting his regular basic care but I am thankful to the Almighty for giving us this scope to stay together and take care of each other. Please do pray for him and thank you, once again, for your inspiring words.

John Hansen from Queensland Australia on April 26, 2021:

Farah, it is sad to hear that your father is suppering from Alzheimer’s disease. It sadly seems to be an increasingly common condition. I am glad that you could at least celebrate his birthday during the lockdown.

Your poem is a wonderful dedication to anyone whose lives are touched by this, and your prayer is thoughtful.

I think if I were unfortunate to develop severe dementia or Alzheimers I would ask my family to place me into a care facility as I have seen families come to resent the sufferer, frustrated they cannot remember them, and often get irate and sometimes even abusive.

Although I would much prefer to be with my family, if i can’t remember who they are it probably doesn’t matter. It is all very sad, and I applaud you for looking after your dad.

Farah N Huq (author) from Dhaka, Bangladesh on April 26, 2021:

Thank you, dear Peggy, for your soothing words. It is difficult but together we manage. Please do pray for him. Stay blessed always.

Peggy Woods from Houston, Texas on April 26, 2021:

I am so sorry to hear that your father has Alzheimers disease. It is wonderful that you and your family will be able and willing to care for him. He is fortunate to have caring people around him. May God bless all of you!

Related Articles