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Lessons of Life

And So I Breathe

Apprehensive of each step into my future as it unveils mysteries, provokes losses, and unfolds forgotten promises

And so I breathe

Anxious as I orchestrate the melodies of creativity unfolding the extraordinary marvels of my uniqueness

And so I breathe

Emotional as I open the doors to the emptiness of my nest as each room screams of silence and cries of deep memories

And so I breathe

Fearful of loneliness, of being invisible, and not being heard so center stage is my recreation and the spotlight is my rest

And so I breathe

Lost on my journey for love. As I run towards it, the further away it becomes. As I reach for it, it slips from my grasp. As I try to embrace it, love turns its back

And so I breathe

Overwhelmed as I overcome every obstacle, complete every task, and face every test striving to accomplish my goals, realize my dreams, and reach my stars

And so I breathe

Inhaling the hope of each day and the beauty of every masterpiece.

And so I breathe

Inhaling the happiness of all the good times and the lessons of the trying times

And so I breathe.

Inhaling the courage of loving me and the rewards of becoming one with myself

And so I breathe

Inhaling contentment and self fulfillment

shkssssshhh hwoooooooooo

And so I breathe

Lesson of Life Article

I have so many feelings, I don't know where to begin. All I can say is that life is happening. With each day, I begin to realize more and more that first of all, I'm alive and I'm thankful for that. But as I wake up each day, I realize something different. One thing I am really beginning to understand is that I am getting older, and you know, we say that, but when we begin to understand that, it is life altering. I really have to eat right now. I can see how my metabolism is slowing down. I really have to exercise, I see my body transforming. I really have to work at maintaining my shape...you get the picture.

I'm finally realizing that I am not invincible. Last year, I was diagnosed with a disability. The onset was horrible. I didn't know what was happening to me. You see, I've never been sickly. I've never met my deductible on my insurance. I visited my PCP for my yearly exams, but for the first time in my life something was going on with my body and it was frightening. There is no cure; however, there are medicines, but can you imagine going from never having to take meds and then all of a sudden having to take them weekly. The experience was traumatizing. It was so traumatizing that I cried each time I visited my specialist. Yes, I cried, like a baby... But I could not let it overtake me. I could not let it stop me, so because of God's grace, I'm healthy, happy and thriving. So my Lesson of Life is to love and take care of me, because it's only one of me.

Another really hard revelation is that my children, in their adult lives, aren't going to do as planned. I worked hard as a single parent and tried my best to make up for any losses my children felt due to their dad not being around. I made sure their needs were met. I never missed a school performance, parent night, or anything. I was present and tried with the best of my ability to shower them with love and steer them in the direction of happy productive lives. But they just had to interject their own plans. Why did they have to go and do that? The plans I had for them were perfect. So my Lesson of Life is: Know that as a parent that I have taught them well, and they will find their way. Their paths might not be straight, but they will still reach the destination.

And this thing about love puzzles me. I just don't understand it. Now, I am determined to never marry again unless I am absolutely sure. I am also determined to not waste my time or anyone else's time at this point in life, but I've really been wondering if love is meant for me, and as I explore my thoughts and feelings around that subject, I'm slowly realizing truths about myself. You see, even though I've been divorced for a long time, I never really healed. I ran from the hurt instead of embracing it and allowing myself to feel and heal. I buried it in work and doing for kids and doing for everyone. That became my drug. Don't get me wrong. There is nothing wrong with anything I was doing. We are supposed to help one another and I was supposed to take care of my kids, but I used that to forget. I used it because I didn't want to know the hurt. I didn't want to face the failure. And so, I, when my children became teenagers, began allowing others into my life. That has been one catastrophe after the other, because hurt people, hurt people. So, I have to stop and now, deal with me. I don't know how long it will take, but now I am allowing myself to hurt, to feel and writing is my therapy.

I know that was a lot, so I won't go into other stories, but I want you to understand why I wrote this poem. I have a lot of emotions, but I am learning to stop, breathe, and meditate, and it helps in every situation. It doesn't have to take hours, but in the moments I feel that life is too much for me to handle, inwardly I stop, inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth. As I breathe, I utter a quick prayer and this slows me down enough so that I can think, rationalize and deal with whatever life brings my way. So my Lesson of Life is: No matter how fast and chaotic life is, I'm slowing it down and restoring order.

Thanks for being my audience...

© 2019 Harmonious-waters

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