I broke yet another promise to myself, and am afraid amma break myself sooner than I expected.
I went out again, hoping that the breezes, or the clouds or at least the trees would swing and whisper back, just say something. Just a little ' hey '... .. Just a little hey.
Am not crazy or insane, I hope. Am really just stuck, confused. And am sure my problem is just a lot of over thinking.
Am not sure anymore, always on the fence because am not sure you for it, I still want you to be proud and honestly I don't know how to do that.
I don't even know what am saying. I don't know, maybe am still hurting, maybe I still miss you. And I think I would need you right bout now. Was never good at good byes.
Let's just make peace for now. Set me free, just for a little while. Something like a short term break to be my own person. Which means I'll probably get bruised a lot, or my heart will probably wake up from that long coma its been in for as long as I can remember..
I just want to go wild for a minute, maybe pretend you are not watching or just let it pass by.
I am not tired of you, I don't think I ever can be, I think I should let you go.
Maybe cry it out for a few days, and get out of that cage that shuts my heart just like the smell of blood.
© 2020 Amani Utembu
Amani Utembu (author) from Nairobi -Kenya on April 17, 2020:
Thank you Mitara
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on April 16, 2020:
Read your words...you know where your heart wants to be but you want to walk on the wild side too.
Fear of disapproval...fear of losing.
Mitara N from South Africa on April 16, 2020:
The feelings of a hurt heart tries to find a path that will lead to a clear path. A difficult pill to swallow or express, but once the mind allows, wounds will heal with time.
Thanks for sharing
Amani Utembu (author) from Nairobi -Kenya on April 14, 2020:
I dint know where my heart wants to be
BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on April 14, 2020:
So sad...while you are on the loose being wild for those moments...her heart will turn to stone.
Only so much one can take...start thinking of others before yourself.
You obviously know where your heart really wants to be.