Daniel is a 31 year old, burgeoning artist. He has many interests, with a passion for professional wrestling and writing poetry.
Awash, adrift, a raft
Of my own making.
Each wave against the battered bow
Leaves my tired body aching.
No chart, no map, no guide
To show the way.
I lost my bearings, long ago -
Aimlessly drifting with each passing day.
A day, a week, a month -
There is no way to tell.
How long since I have seen the shore?
How long have I been in hell?
No space, no time, nothing -
But only sea.
How long until I lose the fight,
And these waves crash down on me?
Awash, adrift, my raft -
Now sinking in.
Just close my eyes, and wait for peace,
And pray I see the shore again.
-Daniel Kinnunen, 2018
Adrift: Alone with Myself
Often, I look back on my choices in life and wonder why I just can't seem to consistently do the "right thing." I have made many mistakes in this life, and I have found that I have no one else to blame for my inability to find a career, a family, a significant other, or many of the other things that people seem to take for granted in their daily lives. I find myself wondering how my life would have changed had I made slightly different choices. I don't know if anything would be different, really. In a way, I feel as though I am meant to be a lonely wanderer, drifting along in this life without any direction. I must be one of those "marches to the beat of a different drum" types, that no one ever truly understands.
I have heard it said before that we are all living exactly the lives we are meant to live. If this is true, why do I feel so out of place? Why do I feel as though I am awash in a sea of uncertainty? My choices have lead me to where I now sit, alone, at the mercy of the sea of life. I am being pushed and pulled in so many directions at times, that I feel like I have lost control over my heading. I have lost my bearings, and now find myself horribly lost, with no one there to guide my way back to shore. If this is the life I am meant to live, so be it, but I feel as though there is a place for me to land this vessel, somewhere out there. The only question is "where?"
Struggling Against the Tide
I have many hobbies and interests. I am talented in several areas. My focus has been so fractured, however, that I have never truly found my niche. I have had several amazing, fulfilling experiences in the search for my path in life. I have loved and lost. I have experienced life and death. I have turned dreams into realities. Yet, I have made many mistakes that have lead me to my current situation. Dropping out of high school was one of those mistakes, but the traditional path to a diploma wasn't for me. I even earned that diploma, on-time, just not through the path most of us have been pushed upon. I had to find another way, even if that meant drifting for a while before finding what was right for me.
College was the same story. I went to college immediately after earning my diploma, as I had been told was the "right way." Once again, it wasn't for me. I left after a single semester, telling myself that I'd be better off looking for work in the real world. I knew I'd try again, one day, but I had some learning to do: learning about myself. I was drifting, trying to find my way. I earned my Associates of Arts degree at the age of 26, by attending classes online. It wasn't the traditional means, but I did what I could not do by taking the easiest path. The struggle was worth it. When I started taking classes online, I knew that what I was doing was the right thing for myself. That is the most important thing to me: finding what is right for myself.
I find myself drifting, once again, fighting to stay afloat while searching for the path that leads to my ultimate goal. It is not easy, nor do I want it to be. I want it to be a fight. I want to struggle. That way, when I find my destiny I will appreciate it more so than I would if it came easily. My only concern is that I will sink before I "find the shore." However, if sinking is my destiny, then sinking is what I shall do. It beats a life of never truly knowing my capabilities. It is when I am alone, struggling against the tide, that I have learned the most about myself.
Roshena from Baguio City, Philippines on July 26, 2018:
I can relate to this poem, sometimes when we lost our way or fail in some of our goals, we feel like we're sailing not knowing where to go or we feel like our boat's not anchored somewhere else to make it steady. Loving the poem
David Warren from Nevada and Puerto Vallarta on July 21, 2018:
Hang in there, from my life experience it seems I only change anything for the better through pain. The times I've been adrift are hard indeed but so far have always ended with something better in the end. Enjoyed the poem and your hub, thank you.