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A Poetry: A Million Things I Want to Tell You

Ann Pejana has a degree in Computer Science and has a passion for writing. She has loads of books as her great collection in life.


I Should Have Gone Home

We are lands and oceans apart --
We are living under the same roof
of the clear blue sky, and starry night.

One day, the wind had brought a tearful tiding
that brother had already stopped waiting
for me, he left me with guilt and agony.

I should have heeded his request
to come to see him last April feast.
You are now one with the wind.
The memories of you will never fade.

And another day, the wind had brought one more tearful
tiding that uncle had already stopped waiting for me.
He went to sleep in mid-noon in January.
And went on to his eternal journey.
A box load of 'I should have' I would forever carry.

I should have heeded his request
to come to see him last April feast.
You are now one with the wind.
The memories of you will never fade.
I should have come to see you smile one last time.
I should have been there to hear your tales one last try.

I can't prevent a candle from burning itself out
nor can I stop the light from fading.
But I should have stopped myself from procrastinating.
I should have gone home.

At every dawn.
Some will live. And some will die.
But each will be forever remembered, with honor, and pride.

The Cold Wind Blows

Morning comes it is still raining.
Ten steps to the window.
I draw the curtain and everything outside is in full view.
I shiver as the cold wind blows.
I watch as the rain brought back memories
of pain and happiness.

A year ago when he fell in love with
the girl in a plain white dress.
The expert said that he had only five fortnights away from his grave.
Two years in a hospital bed,
With no family, and friends were busy growing assets and counting currency.
He had wealth, but no one cared for his health.
He had been so brave.
But was he ready to leave?

He had always loved to sing a song for her,
so sweet was the smile she gave him.
“You are the light in my darkest hour.
To stay with you is my heart’s ultimate desire.
Without you, I am so scared to go ahead.
Oh, babe, I love you so.
Yet I am sorry too.
Because there’s nothing I can do.
I’m so grateful to have known you.
So, let me thank you before I go to bed.
Let me thank you before I become a wind”.

I catch a tear just before it falls.
I remember you, I’ll always remember it all.
I close my eyes, wrap my arms around myself,
I can feel you as the cold wind blows.
Ten steps away from the window.
I let the curtain close,
As I whisper to the wind,
“I love you so much it hurts. And I miss you, terribly!”

The Compass of Death

Lies in the north where trees are the buildings, the grass is the trash and other waste, and where I'd always feel like it's summer is a place full of surprises.
Lying in the south where there's always a chill of December breeze is the place full of promises.
The east is loaded with wonders and mystery but to the west lies the place of happiness and peace. And so, I wish to travel back to the west for I don't like these surprises, promises, and wonders to be the land of my death.

It Is Never Enough

When we are thirsty, she'd give us water.
When we are hungry, she'd offer us food.
When we are tired, she'd render help.
When darkness came, she'd provide light.
When light is unbearable, she'd give us shade.

She'd give us even the air she breathes.
She'd offer us all of her strength.
She's not asking any in return.
Just a fraction of appreciation.

There goes our reason -
That people are naturally insatiable.
Everything that's provided for us
We still think it's never enough.

Take a look around -
Don't you see how blessed we are?
Don't you hear the lovely sound of birds and trees around?
Don't you feel the unconditional love? -
Of our mother.

Rather of appreciation that we should give her.
We disgrace her!
Rather of expressing how much we love her.
We grow asunder!

Always In Our Heart

The moments we shared were shortened.
Moments that turned into memories.
Memories that no one could erase.
It will be treasured until the end.

It's hard to say goodbye now.
Why did you have to live far?
In a place where we can't see you ever.
In a place where we can't touch you forever.

We were talking to you in your wake.
It could have been better to talk with you if you were awake.
We just wished you stayed with us a little longer.
But we know that you are happier now, even stronger.

We would truly miss your laughter.
To us, you are dear, always will.
You will always be with us even after.
You will never be forgotten.

You will miss all the chitchats.
The sunset and sunrise, even the noise and rain.
The cold breeze of December, and
The heat during summer.

But we will tell you all about it
When we see you again!
Our dear love,
Until we see you again.

Thursday at 2 am

The clock struck 2 on the chilly morning of November.
A cab outside is waiting.
One last glance at you in bed-
A face that I’d never forget,
With a heavy heart, I take my leave.

Forgive me.
But you shall never see me.
I don’t want you to see me fade and ugly.
By the morning you’ve found my letter.
On Thursday morning of November,
The first time you’d wake up
without me greeting you a good morning.
But I will love you from a distance and above,
always and forever.

The Death of Life

I dream of dying.
So many times that
I pictured myself dead, that
I presumed my heart stopped beating.

I am more afraid of life than death.
Life can hurt me for ages.
Death can only hurt me once.

I Went Too Deep

The ocean is lovely,
Vast, deep, and full of mystery.
I sense it calling to me.
But I have promises to keep,
And sunset to chase
Before I went too deep.
I have promises to keep,
And butterflies to feed
Before I went too deep.

Be With Me

In my happiest day,
Be with me.

Brown eyes, sweet smile
Warm hands hold mine.
A gentle kiss on the forehead,
And place me in your arms.

In my sorrowful day,
I promise I’ll be okay,
Just be with me.

Sunday Sadness

She’s an early riser that sometimes he’d be upset when he wakes up without her. But he’ll find her in the kitchen to prepare a breakfast meal. She could spend an entire day just talking to him. Their laughter would fill the empty air. But dark clouds loomed from above after an hour or two of spending love. And he’d be back to his den for a console game is his daily routine. Then, with sadness in her eyes, all she could do is count from one to ten, and repeat again.

Broken Smile

365 days we have in a year.
It’s a long day to spend on earth.
But a short time to spend together.
365 days of laughter and sadness.
For all the days that we’re together
We smiled a happy cry
And we cried a broken smile.

Loud on Paper

I have a million things I want to tell you.
But a pen is my only mouth
Ink is my voice
And the paper is the only one to talk to.

I have a million things I want to tell you.
You aren’t listening when I tried to.
The words in my mind are suffocating me.
I let it bleed on paper
Before it wound me more than it could be.

Her World Is Only A Dream

She wanted to disappear
Into the world in her dreams.
Where she lives in a castle
With 12 windows and 12 doors.
Where there’s a nearby forest
With small and huge trees.
Where there’s a vast meadow
With flowers of different colors
blooming in columns and in rows.
Where she could sit by the window
And enjoy the midsummer’s view.
But this world only exists in her mind.
It’s just a midsummer night’s dream.

Tormented by Guilt

Darkness, utter darkness.
As I stand in a room in the pitch blackness
I sense someone staring at me.
I sense sadness and agony.

Each night in my dreams someone is weeping.
I’d wake up also crying.
I tried to forget the tiny heart that stopped beating in my hands.
And years passed it still haunts me.
I lay on the bed in a windowless room.
Peace is so far away.
I’d always live my life to suffer excruciatingly for my own cruelty.

The Venom of Agony

The demon in my head has a face.
Every night it cries in pain.
A cry that is filled with terror of the tale that
The demon itself would be my bane.
Distorting all the best scenes in my head.
Switching the darkness on that was dormant for years.

The demon in my head has a voice.
Whispering like a fool that my life is pointless
And everything else is useless;
That solitude is the only place of peace.
Urging my soul to chase after the ocean wave.
Calling out my name into the deepest grave.


The unconditional love you can give is like an ocean, vast and boundless.
Your understanding is just expanding. A thousand times I made you mad.
A million forgiveness I got no matter how deep I get bad.
That I was made out for worse was never a reason
To be patient, to be understanding, and to love your children only for one season.

I couldn’t say how much I appreciated you.
I couldn’t say how glad that you are my mother;
I wish you could stay with us much longer.

The regret I felt weighed me down greatly
When you withered before my eyes
And your warmth slipped from my hands.

I hope it’s never too late for me to say -
Thank you, you raised me well.
In my heart and soul, you’ll forever dwell.


© 2019 Ann Pejana

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