A Letter to My First Baby
The Alphabet of Love: Matthew Rain
I thought I know what love is
The same way I know what being selfless is
Or even giving your whole being
I was greatly mistaken
You came into our lives unexpectedly
I was broken
Daniel, your dad was shattered
We are beginning to mend the broken pieces to one
I did not exactly know what to feel
I was 31 and carrying another life in my womb
Am I fit to be your mom?
I was more concerned about you.
I did not have morning sickness
I vomit because of acidity
My belly did not grow that big
Everyone claims that my pregnancy did not show.
Emotions got all messed up
I cry easily
I get angry for simple reasons
Moody and unstable feats lurked.
I played romantic music
You kicked harder
Your dad played rock and loud music
You just stayed calm and at ease.
I watched movies
Feeling that you can hear them
I craved sleep more
We slept together while your dad played us songs.
I am sorry
I did not bring you to a private hospital
For consultation and check ups
I just visited the local government clinic because it’s free
I am sorry
If I did not buy you new baby stuff
Yours were just hand-down from your cousin Ryan Ross
Your crib was old but sturdy.
I am sorry
Mommy just drank free vitamins from the health clinic
Mommy did not bring you to expensive restaurants
Daddy made sure to cook our meals for us.
At that time, your dad and mom
We were struggling for funds
We did not want you experiencing that with us
You deserve better.
What I can assure you
Dad made sure that you and I are safe
Mommy did her best to keep you healthy and at ease
It is not about the money because our heart, mind and body are yours.
We take morning or afternoon walks
We reward ourselves with sweet treats
Before you, mommy does not like sweets
When you came, you became the icing on top of a chocolate cake.
The night I was supposed to work
The belly pain and cramping halted me
It was like I am zoning out
When I peed, your dad saw blood.
He then said, “It’s time.”
My water bag broke
He talked to the neighbor who has a car to help us
He did not like asking help but he did it for you and me.
On the way to the hospital
You can feel mommy’s fear
You are my first child
I can feel that you are excited to come out at seven months
We got there safely
The attending physician checked me up
He ordered us to be brought in the delivery room immediately
So, it is really time for us to meet.
I can remember the lights above me
Two females and one male
It was not easy to be in labour
But you were strong, you helped mommy.
Exactly 30 minutes since we arrived
I heard your first cry
Mommy did not lose consciousness
I said thank you over and over to God
Your first name derived from the Bible, Matthew
Your second name was a sign from God
When you were born, the heaven was delighted and gave us Rain
Matthew Rain, first time giving birth can take up to hours and hours of pain
Mommy’s was only less than an hour with you.
You were so handsome
What can your mommy and daddy ask for more?
You instantly got the heart of the nurses
The patients and their relatives in the same room with us
Can’t help but ask your dad to see you
We can’t help but smile
As the days passed by
Your personality is manifesting
Your first words were daddy, yes and no
You groan and make sounds like a rock star
You smile a lot
Can’t smile like I used to after my accident
God gave you my lost smile
I feel blessed and grateful.
You are still in milk formula
At 1 year old and 6 months
Your diet and craving should be normal
Yet, you love just chicken, beef and pork.
It may take awhile before you have a younger sibling
We want to focus on you first
Mommy and daddy are trying our best
We do not aim to give you expensive things
We only want you to see and feel our love.
Matthew Rain, you completed our family and home.
Questions & Answers
© 2018 Ronadel Razon