A Letter to My First Baby

Author:
Ronadel Razon
Updated date:
Apr 6, 2018 8:27 PM EDT

The author is a Registered Nurse, Teacher II in English and has worked as an Operations Manager in a BPO company for 7 years.

The Alphabet of Love: Matthew Rain

I thought I know what love is

The same way I know what being selfless is

Or even giving your whole being

I was greatly mistaken

You came into our lives unexpectedly

I was broken

Daniel, your dad was shattered

We are beginning to mend the broken pieces to one

I did not exactly know what to feel

I was 31 and carrying another life in my womb

Am I fit to be your mom?

I was more concerned about you.

I did not have morning sickness

I vomit because of acidity

My belly did not grow that big

Everyone claims that my pregnancy did not show.

Emotions got all messed up

I cry easily

I get angry for simple reasons

Moody and unstable feats lurked.

I played romantic music

You kicked harder

Your dad played rock and loud music

You just stayed calm and at ease.

I watched movies

Feeling that you can hear them

I craved sleep more

We slept together while your dad played us songs.

I am sorry

I did not bring you to a private hospital

For consultation and check ups

I just visited the local government clinic because it’s free

I am sorry

If I did not buy you new baby stuff

Yours were just hand-down from your cousin Ryan Ross

Your crib was old but sturdy.

I am sorry

Mommy just drank free vitamins from the health clinic

Mommy did not bring you to expensive restaurants

Daddy made sure to cook our meals for us.

At that time, your dad and mom

We were struggling for funds

We did not want you experiencing that with us

You deserve better.

What I can assure you

Dad made sure that you and I are safe

Mommy did her best to keep you healthy and at ease

It is not about the money because our heart, mind and body are yours.

We take morning or afternoon walks

We reward ourselves with sweet treats

Before you, mommy does not like sweets

When you came, you became the icing on top of a chocolate cake.

The night I was supposed to work

The belly pain and cramping halted me

It was like I am zoning out

When I peed, your dad saw blood.

He then said, “It’s time.”

My water bag broke

He talked to the neighbor who has a car to help us

He did not like asking help but he did it for you and me.

On the way to the hospital

You can feel mommy’s fear

You are my first child

I can feel that you are excited to come out at seven months

We got there safely

The attending physician checked me up

He ordered us to be brought in the delivery room immediately

So, it is really time for us to meet.

I can remember the lights above me

Two females and one male

It was not easy to be in labour

But you were strong, you helped mommy.

Exactly 30 minutes since we arrived

I heard your first cry

Mommy did not lose consciousness

I said thank you over and over to God

Normal delivery...

Your first name derived from the Bible, Matthew

Your second name was a sign from God

When you were born, the heaven was delighted and gave us Rain

Matthew Rain, first time giving birth can take up to hours and hours of pain

Mommy’s was only less than an hour with you.

You were so handsome

White complexion

Beautiful eyelashes

Cute lips

What can your mommy and daddy ask for more?

You instantly got the heart of the nurses

The patients and their relatives in the same room with us

Can’t help but ask your dad to see you

We can’t help but smile

As the days passed by

Your personality is manifesting

Your first words were daddy, yes and no

You groan and make sounds like a rock star

You smile a lot

Can’t smile like I used to after my accident

God gave you my lost smile

I feel blessed and grateful.

You are still in milk formula

At 1 year old and 6 months

Your diet and craving should be normal

Yet, you love just chicken, beef and pork.

It may take awhile before you have a younger sibling

We want to focus on you first

Mommy and daddy are trying our best

We do not aim to give you expensive things

We only want you to see and feel our love.

Matthew Rain, you completed our family and home.