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Set Myself Free

The author is a Registered Nurse, Teacher II in English and has worked as an Operations Manager in a BPO company for 7 years.

a-glimpse-of-my-next-books-theme

My heart broke into millions of pieces
My world crashed before my eyes
I was helpless
You came and saved me.

Without wings, you are still my angel
You, black and broken soul
Followed by heavy rain, lightning and thunder
You still nurtured me.

Protected and shielded me
Made sure that I will stand up again
Showed me a different world
Another perspective apart from mine

Endless conversations
Never-ending stories
I didn’t mean to but my heart opened up to you
The pain I have endured washed away.

There was a time I felt the connection
There was a time I felt every rhythm your heart speaks
There was a time I felt you
The vulnerable and weak you

The years between us
The time and distance that limits us
The circumstances that hinders
I am just a child and you a man.

With you, I bloomed even when we are apart
With you, I strived to love myself so I can give love better
With you, I took risks that my old self would refuse
With you, I wanted to be a woman.

I knew from the start it can’t be
There will never be us
You cannot be mine
I cannot be yours.



It’s painful to know that you’re watching my every move
Is it painful too that you know I’m watching you too?
It breaks my heart when I look at you
Your eyes reflect the silent roar of my heart.

How can we face each other smiling?
How can we laugh like nothing is wrong?
How can we act in front of everyone like nothing is going on?
When underneath there’s a volcano pending to explode.

I wanted to say I need you
I wanted to say I want no one else but you
I wanted to say that I never stopped liking you
But I choked back the words, I’m afraid you would reject me.

I’m afraid that you would not admit and I would think I assumed
I’m afraid that by admitting the connection between us would be cut
I don’t have the courage to be hurt again
In defense, I remained in my bubble, mouth shut.

I diverted my attention to someone else
Tried my best to like him more than I like you
I desperately clang to that person
In the hope of relieving myself of the need to be with you

Hopeless fight, I went home defeated
Even with the diversion, my mind would wander to you
While smiling and laughing with him, I still remember you
I’m hurting still and I’ve hurt another soul too.

I stopped, ran back to you.
You welcomed me, did not stop me again
I reached a point where I don’t remember him anymore
My feelings for you deepened.

Saturation
I have reached my saturation
I know better, I have to protect my heart
I need to set myself free.

If you felt what my actions are saying
If you noticed even a little of how I cared
If you valued even a portion of the memories we shared
You will find me again.

I will not watch you silently again
I will refrain from looking at you
I will close my heart
But I know I will keep on loving you and keep praying for your happiness

I wish someday you will miss me too
I’m also praying that from time to time you will remember me
You will remember how a girl has loved you
She is not meant for you because she knew you deserve a real woman.

In the bottom of my heart, I will treasure you
Maybe you will be a memory
I will be a memory to you too
I’m letting go, blue eyes.

Comments

BRENDA ARLEDGE from Washington Court House on November 05, 2019:

This is so heartfelt. It is full of honest emotions yearning for the one you want to share your life with understanding you must leave him behind if it is ever to be.

Great write.