A Finalized Divorce
We realize life is not a race
to stop wasting time on a worthless fight
and give ourselves an out from staff and rod.
A distant email held the news today
my final divorce decree had come
hopefully each of us an equal sum
our lives momentum finding a true way.
I let the mint alone in the kitchen die
along with notions of a happy end
there's nothing really there for us to mend
I read this legal font without a sigh.
The reality of notice sinks in
a sudden liberation holds its sway
an amazing power held within words
open my heart to see family within
my children trying to hold this mishandled clay
or build bird houses out of empty gourds.
It has been awhile since we have stood here
to see our son as he walks across stage
a graduation pointing out his age
so close yet separated by our fear.
We have both seen the play and read the script
a declaration of sorts a calling
to hook to world well grounded while falling
or sew a fraying fabric that is ripped.
Everyday anguish reads in my face
if only for a moment in the night
as I surrender myself to my God.
Our lives move forward at marathon pace
and our son, Sam, will walk from our sight
his diploma the tool to push and prod.
To sit some years later with my inlaws
to celebrate the birthday of Grandma
a couple of years after my eyes saw
the mail with finalization its cause.
Though eyes are sunken and empty of tears
the trampoline here these kids still play on
to pick green apples or play on the lawn
maybe these moment will erode my fears
maybe these moments will strengthen my faith
both of us trying to figure things out
even care cannot mop up all our times.
Always the four of us never a fifth
an even number sometimes feels some doubt
to forget those years of our marriage crimes.
© 2019 Jamie Lee Hamann