A Break-up Addict's Relapse into the Past

Heather has a Bachelor's Degree in English from Moravian College and has been freelance writing for more than 12 years.

Thought that things were progressing normally

Since B-Day; not an actual birthday or something to celebrate

It's the day that my former boyfriend broke my heart

In a text message of all things, which was a very high school move

Avoiding drama by hiding behind a screen for cover

Realized that the fault ball wasn't in my court but theirs

Still the murkiness surrounding the idea of love

Impossible to ignore in the slightest

Next to no faith in the integrity of the opposite sex

Everything wrapped up in this integral moment

Love and heartbreak going hand in hand

Felt some repairs going on inside where the heart

Remained dormant until it felt better enough

To express true emotional evolution

It might be awhile before it resurfaces from its hibernation

Came across the two month anniversary of getting dumped

Felt more evolved in some ways and a little recidivism in others

Woke up with a metaphorical cloud over my smile and groove

Probably just tired from working a lot of hours

Want to avoid sitting at home focusing on past wounds

And regrets that can't be undone no matter how hard you try

Embarrassed to admit this to myself and aloud

I'm not as strong as I thought I was

Thought I was over this feeling of being rejected

Less sad over the idea of being tossed aside like yesterday's trash

Thankfully, can't look him up on social media anymore

Cut off all contact and tried to find a loophole for information

Stopped myself before it went any further

Don't get me wrong; I don't miss him that way

Just the physical spectre of him, not the real one

Would run away discreetly if saw him on the street

No intention of wanting him back in my life

Not even as a passing acquaintance in bowling

Those days of any type of intimacy and conversation

Have long since evaporated since that half baked exit

Putting best feet forward and trying to go upwards

Centering on finding new passions to spend time on

Helping kids going through rough times and making them smile

Would do the trick and make my heart as well as theirs feel good

Choosing a side project a little too wisely

Hesitant on being burned in that as well

Seemed silly to think that volunteer work offered a betrayal

That's where my current headspace was at

Needed some proper rest and relaxation

What the doctor ordered to get back on track

Ready to forget the past and move forward with a new future.