I stand small.
Small to the point where I need a stepping stool to reach the top cabinet in my kitchen. But, not small enough where I would be classified as such.
My height defined me. Made me a joke. A joke play until the record was broken.
The joke hurt. Made me inferior. Made me long for an extra inch, extra centimeter.
Why was my height a joke? The way I was made and designed was somehow flawed in the eyes of my peers.
I couldn’t see through their perspective, through their eyes. I could barely see over their shoulders.
My world always felt huge because I stood inches shorter than everyone else. This was something I saw as a blessing. I could look out see how big the world was, how full it appeared.
My hate for my size became a love. Something I grew into, literally and figuratively. The joke became something I realized that I no longer took personally, no longer dreaded. The joke was something I smiled and changed into something to admire.
And then I saw it, I saw the jealously and envy in the eyes of my peers when they connected my comfort to my height. Because all my life, I was this small creature with a loud voice and a big smile. I was put into a small box and never saw as anything more.
But, I was seen as a powerhouse now. A driving force. An unstoppable being.
I love being 5 feet tall. I love being within my line of sight because I get to see the world from a unique perspective. A perspective of vastness and greatness. A perspective that has me looking up to others, physically. This helped me see the greatness in them because they have inner qualities worth looking up to.
I never understood when it clicked for me that my height was a blessing. I don’t remember the first time actually saw myself. Saw my height, my deep dark curly hair that always frizzes at the top. My scattered moles on one side of my face. My wide hips. My deep dark large eyes, and a smile that has been described as wide and contagious.
The first time I actually saw myself is not something I can recall. However since that moment, I have never been able to see myself as anything less than beauty, light and love.
5 feet of love. 5 feet of heart. 5 feet of passion. 5 feet of happiness. 5 feet of knowledge.
5 feet tall and strong.
© 2019 Ashley