The Robin Williams Trump Interview
A paradoxical political parody.
Williams: “Gooooooood Morning Washington, D.C. I just had to get that out of the way. The fans expect things from me.
Trump: “Tell me about it.”
Williams: “Man, lighten up. You are the glummest faced lummox on the planet. Your pictures look like you are sitting there trying to remember your name."
Trump: “My name will be remembered for a thousand years. If there were going to be public schools they would teach my name. But there are not going to be public schools, so, I will have to just put my face on the fifty kopek coins.
Williams: “Is that the smallest pecker there is?”
Trump: “Kopeck, not pecker. I never liked you.”
Williams: “Remember that Statue of Liberty you sold to the scrap metal Oligarch? At first it said, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' That meant something, when you had the torch removed and had a baseball bat welded in place and then changed the slogan to 'You want a piece of me?' Well, that changed everything.”
Trump: “I made a good deal for that metal. A very good deal. After commissions, the American people got what they deserved.”
Williams: “Reality: What a concept.”
Trump: “It turns out that Americans can no longer afford to be Americans. While they were out watching football games and eating hot dogs, with who knows what in them, my kind were robbing you all blind. What is really funny, is that we robbed you then, loaned you the money, and are charging you interest. Now, that is funny. You call yourself a comedian.”
Williams: “People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. I lost money on you. I bet that you would not move into the White House. It is such a step down from your usual surroundings. Maitre d' can I get a song please? Man, you are a downer.”
The Supremes-You Keep Me Hangin' On
“Do you want to be remembered as a fifth rate leader of a third world country?”
Trump: “What do you mean? I am the greatest leader the United States, no! The world, has ever seen. What have the others done? Where is President Johnson’s great society. We put a stop to that. Where is President Kennedy’s New Frontier? My goal is to, out do, the homelessness of the Reagan and the Bush years. The people of this country are going to remember me.”
The Beach Boys - I Get Around
Williams: “Man, you are in the spotlight. You are on the hot seat. You are in the limelight. Under the public eye. You are in all those places and nowhere at all. The letters, F.B.I. do not stand for friendly billionaire investigation. That group is the top law enforcement group. They have pride and purpose. Oh, wait. “Pride means, when you do something good, you can feel good about yourself. And purpose, well purpose means, when you get up in the morning, you don’t have to announce on social media what you are going to do today. Nanu nanu.”
Trump: “I thought this was going to be a serious interview. I have called off the investigations. They are winding down. Going through the motions. These civil servants are just that servants, they serve at the whim of the president. I am the most powerful man in the world. A little thing like law enforcement has no meaning. If you have enough money you can influence anyone. Ha, or fire them.”
Williams: “You agreed to an interview with a comedian, and thought it was going to be serious?
I met Nelson Mandela, and I really didn't know what to say. It was years ago at a benefit. I was just in awe of this man because of what he'd done.
I am not getting that sense of awe while sitting here talking with you, despite all the harm you have done and intend to do.
Walt Whitman wrote a poem about Mr. Abraham Lincoln. It is a poem remembered to this day. Seth Meyers wrote a limerick about you, it is already forgotten.”
Trump: “You are wrong.”
Williams: “I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.”
Trump: “This interview is boring. I have a country to ruin. Ah…run.”
Williams: “You seem to be a ‘C’ person. I look at you, I see, confusing, collusion, corruption, caboose, calculating, callous, comrade, carnage, cartoon, and captive.”
Trump: “You left out contemptible-cantankerous-crackpot. You think calling names is going to get me riled up?”
Williams: “Somebody call my agent. Why am I getting gigs like this? I did big things. I made people laugh, I entertained people.”
Much of the dialogue used in Mr. Williams' part are attributed to him.
Good Vibrations - The Beach Boys
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