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The Robin Williams Trump Interview

Updated on June 9, 2017
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A paradoxical political parody.

Williams: “Gooooooood Morning Washington, D.C. I just had to get that out of the way. The fans expect things from me.

Trump: “Tell me about it.”

Williams: “Man, lighten up. You are the glummest faced lummox on the planet. Your pictures look like you are sitting there trying to remember your name."

Trump: “My name will be remembered for a thousand years. If there were going to be public schools they would teach my name. But there are not going to be public schools, so, I will have to just put my face on the fifty kopek coins.

Williams: “Is that the smallest pecker there is?”

Trump: “Kopeck, not pecker. I never liked you.”

Williams: “Remember that Statue of Liberty you sold to the scrap metal Oligarch? At first it said, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' That meant something, when you had the torch removed and had a baseball bat welded in place and then changed the slogan to 'You want a piece of me?' Well, that changed everything.”

Trump: “I made a good deal for that metal. A very good deal. After commissions, the American people got what they deserved.”

Williams: “Reality: What a concept.”

Trump: “It turns out that Americans can no longer afford to be Americans. While they were out watching football games and eating hot dogs, with who knows what in them, my kind were robbing you all blind. What is really funny, is that we robbed you then, loaned you the money, and are charging you interest. Now, that is funny. You call yourself a comedian.”

Williams: “People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House. I lost money on you. I bet that you would not move into the White House. It is such a step down from your usual surroundings. Maitre d' can I get a song please? Man, you are a downer.”

The Supremes-You Keep Me Hangin' On

“Do you want to be remembered as a fifth rate leader of a third world country?”

Trump: “What do you mean? I am the greatest leader the United States, no! The world, has ever seen. What have the others done? Where is President Johnson’s great society. We put a stop to that. Where is President Kennedy’s New Frontier? My goal is to, out do, the homelessness of the Reagan and the Bush years. The people of this country are going to remember me.”

The Beach Boys - I Get Around

Williams: “Man, you are in the spotlight. You are on the hot seat. You are in the limelight. Under the public eye. You are in all those places and nowhere at all. The letters, F.B.I. do not stand for friendly billionaire investigation. That group is the top law enforcement group. They have pride and purpose. Oh, wait. “Pride means, when you do something good, you can feel good about yourself. And purpose, well purpose means, when you get up in the morning, you don’t have to announce on social media what you are going to do today. Nanu nanu.”

Trump: “I thought this was going to be a serious interview. I have called off the investigations. They are winding down. Going through the motions. These civil servants are just that servants, they serve at the whim of the president. I am the most powerful man in the world. A little thing like law enforcement has no meaning. If you have enough money you can influence anyone. Ha, or fire them.”

Williams: “You agreed to an interview with a comedian, and thought it was going to be serious?

I met Nelson Mandela, and I really didn't know what to say. It was years ago at a benefit. I was just in awe of this man because of what he'd done.

I am not getting that sense of awe while sitting here talking with you, despite all the harm you have done and intend to do.

Walt Whitman wrote a poem about Mr. Abraham Lincoln. It is a poem remembered to this day. Seth Meyers wrote a limerick about you, it is already forgotten.”

Trump: “You are wrong.”

Williams: “I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.”

Trump: “This interview is boring. I have a country to ruin. Ah…run.”

Williams: “You seem to be a ‘C’ person. I look at you, I see, confusing, collusion, corruption, caboose, calculating, callous, comrade, carnage, cartoon, and captive.”

Trump: “You left out contemptible-cantankerous-crackpot. You think calling names is going to get me riled up?”

Williams: “Somebody call my agent. Why am I getting gigs like this? I did big things. I made people laugh, I entertained people.”

Footnote:

Much of the dialogue used in Mr. Williams' part are attributed to him.

Good Vibrations - The Beach Boys

© 2017 mckbirdbks

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    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Peg - Thank you for the visit. Not to worry, we will all be huddled masses again and soon.

    • PegCole17 profile image

      Peg Cole 5 months ago from Dallas, Texas

      Hi Mike, Just wanted to let you know I stopped in to read this interview. Interesting dialogue.

      I remember in high school chorus singing, "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to be free..." and thinking what a great concept that was. Then I read the immigration laws from the time period when the Statue of Liberty was installed. People who did not have the correct "moral turpitude" or valuable skills to contribute were sent back to their home country at the steam ship's expense. So much for the huddled masses.

      Anyhow, times change and so will these times.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Karen Szklany Gault – I give all the credit for the smiles to Mr. Robin Williams. I am glad that I could deliver them. I am trying to laugh this whole thing off. America has a toothache named Trump. The Justice department may just be the dentist we need. Thank you for your kind comment.

    • Seafarer Mama profile image

      Karen Szklany Gault 5 months ago from New England

      Thank you for doing this! Very funny. I could hear the whole thing as I read it. Wanted to read it to my daughter the way Williams would speak it, but she's seen and heard enough of his work that she could hear his voice in the words anyway.

      In the end, I applaud your very effective use of satire in this very good interview scenario! Made me smile!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - Trump has a country to ruin and he is doing it with the help of the stooges called politician republicans. They see an opportunity to serve their puppet masters. The people of the U.S. need to wake up.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 5 months ago from Texas

      Wow Mike! mr. trump has a country to ruin and he is off to a good start. I laughed out loud at the little Kopeck thing no wonder his wife does not want to move into the WH, she is probably tired of being tickled with the Kopeck.

      Blessings as always

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - It is true, the patriots write the stories. It just depends who is doing the writing. I am not sure what trick my muse is playing. Meaning, I am not sure how Robin Williams made the interview list. He just seemed to 'be there.'

      Thanks for the visit. I hope all is well.

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 5 months ago from South Africa

      Auw, good to see Mr Williams!

      "I have a country to ruin. Ah…run.” Jip. The same thing is going on down here. C-persons are to be found in all colors all over the world.

      Interesting about Mandela: All the good he has done for his people completely cover the bombs he had planted, which killed and mutilated innocent white people. Innocent, because all people are simply victims of their government. Amazing how the heroes of one group were/are actually the threatening terrorists of another group. History turns disasters and tragedies into cold trends of events.

      Funny interview!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – Robin Williams was beloved. It is unfortunate that he was unable to see that. I feel a bit callous using him this way. I am not quick on the uptake, or I would have fit in ‘confeve’ somehow. Heck, even the inventor of the term, had trouble using it. Thanks for the visit. Your schedule seems to be filled. Yes, ‘Midnight confessions’ perhaps we will get there and a glimpse of truth will find its way to the light.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 5 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Confeve brings to mind that old Grass Roots song -- "In my midnight confessions, when I tell all the world that I'm crazy..."

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 5 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      As soon as I saw the title (Robin Williams was a dear favorite of mine...I miss him), I thought this will be interesting gig. From the opening line -- the riff on Good Morning Viet Nam -- we are hooked. "Maitre d' can I get a song please? Man, you are a downer." ... "You are in all those places and nowhere at all." (Lol.) I was a little surprised that Robin didn't insert "confeve" somewhere into the convo -- maybe next time, If anyone could come up with a great definition, it would be Robin. Well done, Mike.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - The girls in my family are teachers. I know what the problems are that they face. Besides, listening to a Republican politicians is right up there with getting a root canal, it's painful, but you know you can get through it. They are all just Howdy Duty puppets, programmed elsewhere and put on the stage.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 5 months ago from Olympia, WA

      Too funny, of course, and yet that statement comes with a footnote....how can any of this truly be funny? I watched a Republican senator the other day compare schools to mayonnaise and I was left with the thought that there may not be hope for any of us.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Gypsy - Thank you. Robin Williams is an American icon. I was surprised when he agreed to the interview. ha I appreciate the visit.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 5 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      Applause. Another great interview with me being able to picture the two of them together.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
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      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Svetlana - That is a very funny concept. It needs someone to carry it out that has a epic picture of how the world works. Someone with a since of humor, a good feel for the human condition and a sharp sense of humor. Someone that is not afraid to march across the frozen tundra of Russia to tell us how the story began and back to Siberia, where the story will end. Thanks for that interesting, and funny observation. You write" Trumpiad" it will be a bestseller.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 5 months ago from North America

      kallini2010 -- Hilarious!!!

    • kallini2010 profile image

      kallini2010 5 months ago from Toronto, Canada

      Hopefully, after Mr. Trump ruins America, there will be public schools. Maybe some illegal, clandestine public schools? run by social workers from the Resistance Movement?

      Vive la résistance!

      What I've noticed, Mr. Trump has a predilection of talking to dead people. I wonder why? I always suspected there is something wrong with him.

      Send him to Homer - he'll arrange a journey like the one of Odyssey's and write the whole new classical epic - "Trumpiad" - where Trump will be wandering forever without being able to return home. Only this time I suggest a better ending - Trump is punished by one God or the other.

      Tweets will be an essential part of the story.

      "Met with Cyclop. Polycovfefe... totally cool. Fed us great dinner the best dinner I ever had. Devoured two of my men. Imprisoned the rest for future meals... Said that imprisonment is due to travel ban. Who wants to figure out what that means? Enjoy!"

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 5 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - Oh, a scrape book. What an idea, since this will not be published anywhere else. I do miss Robin Williams. I am trying to stay away from Hitler in my comparison. He is over done, and I don't want to try to make him funny or even mildly humorous. He was too brutal.

      Federal Bureau of Matters, that has a bit of humor in it. When out walking this morning, a Fauntleroy and Flossy episode began running in my imagination. I thought I might be passed that. Very few were stopping by to read them.

      I never read Hubbard. I read science fiction, but mostly Heinlein. Scientology is under the microscope lately, and not looking too good.

      Thanks for the visit, and your appealing comment.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 5 months ago from North America

      This one really captures the personalities of both men. I'm putting it in a scrapbook I'm going to start. I remember Williams's real interview with Harlan Ellison (witness) about the trifling start of Scientology at the urging of Lester del Rey to bring attention to L. Ron Hubbard's bad science fiction. Come back to us Robin! We need your interviews.

      Somewhere on a discussion thread, someone posted that after Comey's testimony, the FBI should become the FBM - Federal Bureau of Matters. LOL

      Would Hitler and Trump be too far farfetched in a dialogue? Maybe Ming the Merciless and Trump would be better.

      "Pathetic Earthings -- Who will save you now?" (stated by Trump, not Ming)