The Harvey – American Politician Interview
Dr. Chumley will be hosting our interview today. “Which of you would like to start?”
The Politician (TP) tugged arrogantly at his lapels: “I’ll start, after all, I am the star of this interview series. You all know that. If you common folk could only grasp my greatness. You would feel completely overwhelmed that I would put my fabulous life on hold to serve this the greatest country in the world. It is made all the more greatly better since I became the exalted leader.
Harvey: 15 seconds
TP: Oh, dear, Oh dear, Harvey, that is so kind of you to say. You really understand me. How long have we been together now? Since the days I bathed with my Mother, if memory serves correctly. And you know, that with my superior intelligence, that I remember things very well. Even better than anyone in recorded history. Do, you know people follow me around and record what I say, and before you know it, everybody is saying the phrases I invent?
Harvey: 10 seconds
TP: Yes. Yes, indeed. Oh, Harvey. Yes, bigger and grander than most can even imagine. What a pleasure to come and have such a beautiful rabbit waiting for me. You know some of these interviews have not gone so well. The fake news really treats me unfairly, just to sell their papers. They will all eventually fail, or I will shut them down. The people only want to hear me. Not a bunch of made up stories about foreigners. You are white rabbit, so you know exactly what I am talking about. Why do they all attack me? I offer them my most supreme fabulousness. Just the other day, many of those I appointed, and control, went around a table and praised my most excellent self. That was a good morning. Harvey did you happen to see that broadcast?
Harvey: 5 seconds.
TP: Oh, that’s a shame. I have it on tape. You know those ocean sound relaxation tapes? Well, I listen to the unsolicited praise tapes every evening. Then in the morning I tweet my most exalted thoughts. I find it exhilarating to control the narrative of a country. I can do anything. When you are a star, you can do anything. “What’s that Harvey?
Harvey: 10 seconds
TP: When you are as beautiful as I am you can go anywhere you like, with anyone you want, and as for as long as you want. Women, surround me and praise me, want to be with me. Men envy me. It is wonderful to have a friend like you Harvey. I can tell you things. Things locked deep inside.
Harvey: 5 seconds
TP: Yes, of course, I understand that not everyone can be oh so smart. But, they had to change the IQ test, because I learn all the time, and that makes my IQ expand. Higher than even the finest scientists. Harvey, you have so much to learn and I hope you never learn all that I have learned. It is such a burden to carry the responsibility of an omnipotent god. My appetites for the things that mere mortals need has been ever so expanded. Since ancient times, I have been the legend of myths. I am a reflection of my time.
Harvey: 5 seconds
TP: Why do you say that? No, tell me. You mentioned a sanitorium. I told you I’m smart. I know what that means. I am not delusional, I am just a republican. Our strain has been bred to have no sense of humiliation, or empathy. I am the leader of the known universe. A god. Who is above god?
Dr. Chumley: Perhaps we should conclude the interview. I believe it is time for your medication. Harvey, can you lead the TP into the examination room?
TP took the extended arm of Harvey and was led into the examination room to receive his injection of formula 977. The serum was designed to shock TP back to his pre-neurosyphilis madness. It was still in the experimental stages; but with all medical research brought to a halt, it was the last best hope.
Dr. Chumley: “Oh, dear, oh, dear. Down the rabbit hole we went, and the strange and wild places we have been.”