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The Don Quixote Trump Interview

Updated on August 22, 2017
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Narrator: Don Quixote, thank you for agreeing to this meeting today. We know you are busy.

Don Q: “So, you finally realized you are just like me? But you arrived here by a different route.”

Don T: “What’da mean by that? You went off chasing windmills. I never chased a windmill in my life.”

Don Q: “I set out to right wrongs. To defend chivalry. To protect the poor. While you, who will reach all the same conclusions that I reached went another route. You set out to wrong rights. Defeat chivalry in all its forms. And to protect the rich. But you will soon come to the same conclusions.”

Don T to the narrator: “Who booked this? I could be out in the countryside hitting golf balls.”

Don Q: “I spent much time out in the countryside. Is there very much left of it? I saw very little on my way over here. I was idealistic once, as you are now. The mind plays tricks on you as you get older.”

Don T: “I am of noble birth. You are a common man. What do they call you? The Man with No Means?”

Don Q: “Do you mean Man of La Mancha? Yes, I have been called that. I have been called many things. As, I am sure you have. I set out to revive the Golden Age of Chivalry where corruption didn't yet exist.”

Don T: “You’ve come to the wrong place. This is Washington, D.C. the center of corruption and I am the leader.”

Don Q: “From our acorn days, we have grown into an unhealthy oak. It is a shame. The wealth provided by the land is all that is important. I have taken up my lance and my sword to defend the helpless.”

Don T: “Ah, ha, a Democrat. I knew it.”

Don Q: “Sancho sometimes talked as if knighthood, kingdoms, empires and islands as if they were windy blather and lies. You seem like a man who knows much about windy blather and lies. Are you literate?”

Don T: “I can read a bank statement. I mostly like pictures in graphs.”

Don Q: “It’s a shame. You should have read. As long as you escaped reality, you would at least of had somewhere to go.”

Don T: “I am the most powerful man in the world. I command great armies. My Legions spend their evenings thinking of new and higher praise for me. And if they don’t I fire them.”

Don Q: “I lived in the creative realm of a universe where what men spoke and how men acted meant something. You seem to preside over a fantasy realm where the truth has been banished to obscurity. What life is that?”

Don T: “Well, there is caviar. And there is French wine. And when you are a star like I am, women let you do whatever you want. When you are a big star like me.”

Don Q: “What? Is there no longer room for love? Are maidens no longer considered the fair sex? Sir, you must immediately change course. There is time to correct the decline.”

Don T: “Don’t get hysterical. Get a doctor. Wait, can you afford a doctor? Never mind. He will be alright. Get him a drink of water. I can afford to give him a drink of water.”

Don Q: “So, you are saying the world has become a place of no morals, no ethics, and no scruples? How is there not open conflict in the street? How is it there is no crisis of the people turning to any device possible to escape the tortures of their daily lives? You’re saying people have no rights other than what money can buy? They have only the one goal to toil from the time they rise to the time they fall back into the escape of sleep? Have you no knight-errant?”

Don T: “We gave the people Superman and Batman and Dennis Rodman. They seemed satisfied with that.”

Don Q scratches his beard: “Sancho in the evenings by the fireside would tell me that he believed there was a world as you describe. But only a madman, a madder culture, could live like that. A world without enchantment. Dulcinea, are you hearing this? After all these years the peasants and goat herders and shepherds are considered just beasts of the field. The days of homespun philosophy have been chased out.”

Don T: “The rich have always ruled. That is how it was in your day. And that is how it will always be.”

Don Q: “Here there is no honor? Is there no romance? Are there no longer men? Thinking men, who can puzzle out their own existence? Has literature, died?”

Don T: “Here we just do what we want. I suppose there is honor. I really don’t know. I never pursued honor. As for romance. That’s time consuming. You just write a contract, and if the woman signs it, then that is it. No need for love. Love is an illusion anyway.”

Don Q: “I was hoping to learn something here today. The world has changed, the men have given up everything in pursuit of social status. The women are looked upon like the peasants in the field. True civilization is in the other direction.”

Don T: “I am number one in this society. I will even surpass you as a madman. When people think, ‘who is the maddest of them all, it will be my name that comes to their lips.”

Don Q: “Sancho said, that excessive ambition only creates trouble. You seemed to have reached the pinnacle of trouble. Why do the people tolerate this?”

Don T: “I have told them what they hear is not true. What they see is not true. Unless I say it it is false. Enough people believe me. They are hungry for someone to show them the way. They must have someone to tell them what to think and when. I make them believe that I will take care of them.”

Don Q mumbles to himself: “No honor, no romance, lies are truth and truth are lies. Their women are not respected, the poor are walked upon. The world is spun on a loom of lies. Corruption, is honor. Lust, is romance.” He looked around. “Sancho, ready Rocinante and Dapple, we have much work to do.” Don Q pulls his helmet snugly in place, the sides shield his eyes.

Don T pleased with himself: “Oh, those Democrats, they will never learn.” He stands; an aide walks toward him. “How is the stock market doing today?”

There is a scream heard in the hall. “Get that horse and donkey out of here. Who is going to clean this up?”

Beethoven "Moonlight" Sonata op 27 # 2 Mov 3 Valentina Lisitsa

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    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy - Thank you. Sorry you had trouble leaving a comment. Seems there are glitches everywhere. Don Quixote appreciates your endurance.

      I appreciate the blessings. And we are stronger that the trumps and their lackies.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 months ago from Texas

      I read this at least 4 times and thought I left 4 comments.

    • Shyron E Shenko profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 2 months ago from Texas

      Mike, I love this one. I love them all but at the moment this is my favorite.

      Has literature, died?

      I am beginning to think that people like the trumps

      Are killing it

      Or at least the try.

      Blessings my friend

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 2 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Gypsy - What a nice thing to say. Don Quixote is such an outstanding metaphor for the journey we all face in life. Now, that you mention it, Trump may very well be fighting windmills.

    • Gypsy Rose Lee profile image

      Gypsy Rose Lee 2 months ago from Riga, Latvia

      This was just fantastic. Don Quixote was one of my dad's all time favorite literary characters. I could just picture Trump out there fighting windmills.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 3 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello snakeslane – Thank you. What a kind comment. There was a little research, so that I could sprinkle the story with Don Q reminders. Anger – yes. Cynicism – yes. And satire as well. I am glad you liked it. The story came together quickly, as there is so much material available, just from watching the news. Imagine what we don’t know, and will never know. I very much appreciate your visit.

    • snakeslane profile image

      Verlie Burroughs 3 months ago from Canada

      Hello Mike! Your 'creative writing' is brilliant as usual. I have to admit never actually reading Don Quixote, but I like the way you bring him into the story. It's theater. I love that it's pure dialogue (which looks easy, but we all know is really difficult to research and write. Especially if you want to stay 'true' to your characters). Well Done! Bravo! PS: Do I sense a little anger? A little cynicism? A little satire in your storytelling? Wow! It's better than the weekend 'Funnies'. I think you nailed it as they say, or you 'killed it' maybe. No maybes about it. You killed it Mike. Congratulations!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 3 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Genna – Don Q has universal appeal. His journey is the perfect metaphor. Now, had I thought of man from Mar-a-Lago, I would have surely used it. Ha. It was easy to step into Don Q’s shoes for this interview. I am glad you liked it. DonT(e) – is a whole other story.

      A friend of ours recently moved to South Texas. I am keeping them in mind as that storm barrels down on them.

    • Genna East profile image

      Genna East 3 months ago from Massachusetts, USA

      Don Q. is one of my favorite characters in literature, Mike. So the man from La Mancha meets the man for La Mar-a-Lago.

      "Don Q: “Here there is no honor? Is there no romance? Are there no longer men? Thinking men, who can puzzle out their own existence? Has literature, died?”

      Every line of this interview is a stand-out, Mike, And so darned clever...thank you for my laughter.

      A word to our friends in Southeast Texas...our thoughts and best wishes are with everyone in the path of Hurricane Harvey. Stay safe. We will be watching the news very closely.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 3 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Martie - So nice that you have a musical background. I am sure you find much solace there.

      As for the government leadership that floated to the top in our two countries, I just don't know what to say but I sure have tried to say it. 'This to shall pass.' comes to mind. I think we are in for a change at the very top and soon. It will only change the volume, not what course this country is on. We have one morally inept party and one party bankrupt of ideas. Lose-Lose

    • MartieCoetser profile image

      Martie Coetser 3 months ago from South Africa

      Beethoven's "Moonlight" Sonata op 27 is one of my favorite classics. At a time I could play it on the piano, but those were the days....

      Are you sure Don Q had the interview with D Trump and not with SA's President Zuma? It seems to be if our countries are competing for the most-incompetent-greedy-and-corrupt-president award?

      Interesting but upsetting interview!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 3 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Patty - Here-here.

    • Patty Inglish, MS profile image

      Patty Inglish 3 months ago from North America

      Quixote-Panza in 2020!

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 3 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello mar - That is a good question. You are welcome for the Beethoven. This morning I noticed there was no music selected for this piece of writing.

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 3 months ago from Jeffersonville PA

      "Who is going to clean this up?" ... Hmmmmm

      Thanks for the Beethoven, dear Mike - it decreases my heart rate beautifully.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 3 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Bill - I think the U.S. president missed his calling. I think he was meant to do stand up comedy in Vegas lounges. (Not in the main room of course. The little side lounges for the C students. )

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 3 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Alan – Yes, there are always horses and donkeys. Especially political horses and donkeys – they are always making a mess. Why the guy is still employed by the people of the U.S. is a mystery to me. There is a saying that we all have our faults, but this guy seems to have all the faults. Ugh.

    • mckbirdbks profile image
      Author

      mckbirdbks 3 months ago from Emerald Wells, Just off the crossroads,Texas

      Hello Shy – Thank you. In the right hands this could have been an interesting interview. I just do what I can in an attempt to entertain. Just a little laughter about things often helps. I appreciate the blessings.

    • billybuc profile image

      Bill Holland 3 months ago from Olympia, WA

      It is so painful to laugh, but laugh I did. :)

    • alancaster149 profile image

      Alan R Lancaster 3 months ago from Forest Gate, London E7, U K (ex-pat Yorkshire)

      There's always the horses*** and donkey droppings to scrape up. Somebody makes a living, scraping up the droppings. They sell them to market gardens and smallholders for use in growing roses.

      There's no room for aimless romance, heads in the clouds and such. Nobody's got the time. It's called 'Apprentice'. (Lord) Alan Sugar did a version here. Problem is, Donald T would've beren sacked after the first day.

    • profile image

      Shyron E Shenko 3 months ago

      Mike, this is one of your better ones. Love this: Don Q: “I was hoping to learn something here today. The world has changed, the men have given up everything in pursuit if social status. The women are looked upon like the peasants in the field. True civilization is in the other direction.”

      Thank you so much for the condolences.

      Blessings always