The Corleone Trump Interview
Trump: “Can I call you Don?”
Corleone: “Can I call you Don?”
Trump: “Ok, I see how that could become confusing to anyone that happens to read the official transcripts from this interview.”
Trump: “You had it so easy. You had to deal with the five local families. You ran numbers, controlled prostitution, operated gambling in the city. All you had to worry about was the police or a judge. After awhile, you were making so much money that the police stopped seeing how your organization operated.”
Corleone: “Easy? You call what we did easy. Just keeping up with the numbers racket took a network of runners all over the boroughs. Kids as young as ten years old were used to collect dimes and quarters in the Italian and Irish neighborhoods. Even in Harlem we had people on the streets all day and all night. Then someone had to count all that change. The payroll was huge. Today, you have electronic deposits and wire transfers and let’s not forget CPA’s.”
Trump: “You had to manage a bunch of snotty children? What is the challenge in that? Try bankers. Bankers all over the world. Greasy little people, oh, no offense, with the greasy little palms out with their fees and their charges. Talk about a racket.”
Corleone: “I built an empire in the toughest city in the world. When the first million was in the bank, we thought we were insulated from many of the adversities that most of the population face. The other families were making money, so there was peace in the city that we controlled. One cop on the beat was enough, because the streets really belonged to us. No one wanted to cross us.”
Trump: “The population, they are such a nuisance. The organization here, attends to the needs, wants and desires of the rich. Luxury is the name of the game. The first million, that is a laugh. My coffers were primed with fourteen million and there has been no looking back. Nowadays if you do not have fifteen million dollars you don’t even feel rich.”
Corleone: “Today, you have inflation working for you. In my day a dollar was a dollar. The weight of a silver dollar in the right palm opened doors. You..you buy a building on credit and year after year the value climbs and climbs. It is a natural way to rob the poor and benefit the rich. Your wealth was made on a rocket ride of inflation. Our money could be hidden in suitcases and shoe boxes. All heads turned when I walked into an establishment.”
Trump: “There is a network in place for such things now. Money moving is the biggest problems. Playing hide and seek from the tax man is a preoccupation. Whole buildings are devoted to both hiding money and finding the money. Like the population had any right to the money we earn. That philosophy is far beyond comprehension.
You had another big advantage. Your people carried around tommy guns. That would not go over now let me tell you. Maybe in a Walmart, but that is a different story for a different time.”
Corleone: “Tommy guns, violence; we saw no end to it. We pushed away from that as hard as we could. But then the drugs were brought in by the other families. The streets that were controlled, peaceful, became like jungles. The richer we got the worse the city streets became. I felt that some of the money should be left in the pockets of the people, but the other families wanted it all. Even though there were not enough women to buy, diamonds to own or fancy cars to drive.”
Trump: “Too much. That is not in our mindset. The world is just sitting there. There are exploitations going on all over the world and we want our share. I know the men who control the diamond trade in Angolan diamond mines. The fertilizer trade in Russia. I intend to corner the market on the ice cream trade in hell before I am through.”
Corleone: “Ice cream in hell, that’s a good one. But what about family? Do you have respect for the family?”
Trump: “What do you mean? I have hired as many of my family members that will fit in my inner circle. I fire anyone that crosses me, or makes me cross for that matter.”
Corleone: “You have ambitions. It is good for a man to have ambitions. I hoped that my son Michael would someday rise to the position of U.S. Senator. But it was not to be. He rose to be the head of our family. He eliminated the heads of the five families as he consolidated power. He tried so hard to break away from the life. He moved the family to Las Vegas to make a clean start.”
Trump: “A man looks to his sons as he thinks of the future. I wish my boys were here to meet you. I am so proud of them.”
Corleone: “Beware your sons. They can cause such heartache. My Sonny, such a hothead, what a short fuse he had and it cost him. What an allegory, him dying at the toll gate. Not like Michael, he thought through the issues and made a plan. Often the plan was carried out like a military operation. And Fredo, he broke my heart, turning against the family like that. He was considerate enough to do it after I had gone. My daughter, now she gave me the most beautiful grandchild. Want to see a picture of him?”
Trump: “Talk about beautiful grandchildren. I have the best I tell you. Like my beautiful daughter. I have pictures of them on bearskin rugs.”
Corleone: “Great men carry such a burden. People with their hands out begging for alms. Alms for the poor. Alms for the church. And the government making rule after rule to stand in the way of men with vision to make their fortunes. Imagine how small the country would be if we did not lift up by sheer strength of willpower and natural intelligence all those that gather around us.”
Trump: “Anytime I tried to make money selling to the poor it did not work out. From liquor, to meat, to airlines even education. None of that worked out well. But marketing to the rich, there is a thoroughfare to wealth. All of my lieutenants are wealthy. They know what it is to amass great wealth. You brought your friends from your home region together. Don’t get me wrong, you are a shining example for all of us.”
Corleone: “No prosecutor ever gathered enough on me to send me to prison. Not like Capone. I was not shot down like a mad dog like Bugsy. We have to define what is success. My family left the city and built the pleasure domes that still operate today. You tried the same thing in Atlantic City.”
Marilyn Monroe came in and set down a tray with a double shot of Glenmorangie Pride next to Corleone.
Kellyanne Conway came in and set down a tray with a double shot of Johhny Walker Blue Label down next to Trump.
Both men lifted their glasses and drank.
Trump: “I see your point.”
I hope you enjoyed my parody of a fictionalized interview between two heads of their families.
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