Well, this is the first time I post something of my creative writing here on Hubpages. Hence, I hope this will be read and all readers will be so gentle to give me their feedback.
What you find here is the screenplay for a very short film. Maybe you know that there are film festivals all around the world for all kind of films in all kind of lengths. The genre of this would be crime or even horror. Probably crime.
A short film is an art in itself. Hence, it's not as easy to write as one might think. My short film "Meet me in the Bathroom" was one of my very first short scripts and isn't produced yet. But, it's of course already registered at the Library of Congress.
Concerning the formatting: This is not the standard formatting. I usually write my screenplays in FinalDraft where I have the standard formatting. Here I chose the templates for creative writing and screenplays, but still get the normal capsules. Don't know whether I made a mistake or there actually is no difference. Hence, the formatting looks a little strange as I couldn't center the dialogues.
Meet me in the bathroom
INT. - SCHOOL ROOM - DAY
A school class is quietly working on writing a test in essays. SUZANNA (13, long, thick dark blonde hair) sits in the mid ROW at the WINDOW and is looking out of the WINDOW. She looks like dreaming. Someone throws a PAPER into her lap which makes her cringe. She looks up if THE TEACHER has seen anything. No, THE TEACHER looks on someone else. She slowly moves her hand down to take the paper and opens the message, slowly, expecting something bad. She also fears to make any noise and get discovered by the teacher. Finally she opens it slowly, avoiding any noise. When the paper lies open on her KNEES she finally dares to look down on it.
CAMERA ON THE PAPER IN HER LAP:
Meet me in the Bathroom! I know who killed my little sister! And today I will show you her murderer! V.
CAMERA ON HER HAND IN THE LAP:
She tries to hide the paper and finish her essay.
The bell rings for the end of the lesson. All students jump up, so does SUZANNA. She looks confused and tired.
Hey Suzie, how was it going?
Hi Martin, have you seen Violet?
No, not since that tragedy happened in her family.
Other boys come to talk to Martin. Suzanna takes her BAG to leave for the BATHROOM, still hesitant.
On her way other STUDENTS pass by, some say hello, somebody even talks to her, but she passes by without a word, doesn't recognize anything around her.
INT. - SCHOOL BATHROOM - DAY
The room is divided. On the left is a wall with lavatories. This wall is open at its end to enter the second part of the bathroom. On the right are some toilet cabinets. In the second part of the bathroom you find the same arrangement.
Suzie doesn´t dare to call for Violet. She tries to check the cabins. She washes her hands, refreshes her make up. Some other girls come in.
Hey Suzie, how you're doing?
Fine, thanks. You?
Good. You heard about Violet? I saw it in the news yesterday evening.
Violet is not well. How could she? She lost her little sister!
Are you a friend of Violet?
I do know the whole family very well. Lilly, Violet's little sister, was my best friend.
Poor you! I'm so sorry for you. I knew Lilly from our swimming club. But, we have to get going. I hope you´ll feel better soon. Bye!
All the best for you, Suzie. Bye!
SUZANNA nods and puts her MAKE UP stuff together to move on into the SECOND HALF of the bathroom. There she's alone. TEARS are running down her cheeks. She looks for a PAPER TOWEL to dry her face. While looking into the mirror to check her face she sees a RED LIQUID looking like blood running under the door out of the LAST TOILET CABINET at the wall behind her.
We hear her heart beating fast which leads to the rhythm of some background MUSIC when she turns around and goes to that DOOR. She turns the door knob. Surprisingly it opens. Suzanna immediately pulls her hand back as the door opens wide by itself.
CAMERA ON THE CABINET
VIOLET (14 years, long dark hair) is sitting on the TOILET LID, looking pretty neglected in her dirty SUMMER DRESS. Her SANDALS are broken, her head and long hair is hanging down, with her make up blurred she looks like out of a horror film. One arm is hanging down, her hand hidden in the fabric of her summer dress. She holds a BOTTLE OF WINE in the other hand and looks up by the noise the opening door makes when hitting the wall.
Violet! There you are. What happened to you? And what's the red stuff running out here? I already thought ...
VIOLET (grinning, obviously drunken)
Suuzzzieee! Heyyy, Sweeeetiiiee! Got my letter? Great. You know what? I know Lilly´s murderer. I'm better than the Police! He He!
You think she was killed? I think it is proven that it was an accident.
I know she was killed. Guess how I might know it. I saw it!
What the heck are you talking about? They all said it was an accident.
VIOLET turns around to her bag to pull something out there. It takes a while.
What else happened to Lilly? What have you seen?
VIOLET (still turned to her bag)
You might know too as you were the last person who´s been with her.
But I left her at the corner where our streets meet. You think it's possible we met the murderer before I went home?
VIOLET (with a deep and very mature voice)
I know you did. I know it, silly. By the way… this red liquid down here was TOMATO JUICE mixed with RED WINE. Looks pretty real, does´t it?
Suzanna nods and Violet finally turns back around with a BIG KITCHEN KNIFE in her hand. Suzanna´s paralyzed, her mouth and eyes wide open. She slowly steps backwards, starring at Violet.
Violet, come on! I swear it wasn´t me. Lilly and I spent a wonderful afternoon together. She was my best friend. She was like a sister for me.
VIOLET (still sitting with the knife in her hand)
My Goodness! Think logical, Suzanna. I know the murderer of my little sister and I have to kill that person. There's only one person who knows for sure who really killed her. You tell me who it is?
I swear it wasn't me and... but wait! Lilly and I met you when we stopped at this Italian ice cream shop. So, maybe the murderer was sitting there, looking harmless and you saw him following us?
Violet gets up and makes a step into Suzanna's direction. She staggers a little.
Not bad, but wrong. The question was: Who's the only one who knows for sure who killed her?
I don't know what you mean. If you really know it tell who was it!
The correct answer to my question is: Only the murderer does! Don't you get it?
Suzanna stares at Violet. It needs a moment before her face shows she understood. She nods. Violet grins.
Suddenly Violet stabs the knife into her own heart and breaks down, deeply moaning.
Blood is running into the pattern of her summer dress and over the bathroom floor. The wine bottle rolls into Suzanna´s direction.
Suzanna, completely shocked, steps backwards until her back touches the wall which makes her scream as loud as she can. She turns and runs as fast as she can out of the bathroom, along the corridor, out of the building along the street. She looks up to the trees and can't stop running.
We see with her eyes into the moving tops of the green trees in front of the blue sky and hear her breathing and heartbeat again.
- THE END -
A Quote from the Master of Suspense
© 2016 Elisabeth Meier
Elisabeth Meier (author) on April 21, 2018:
Thank you, Leland. Nice that you liked the story. Scene descriptions are important although they actually should be kept short. But, the guys who continue creating the film, like producer and director need exactly what you had, the moment when you can see the written film in your mind's eye. Thanks for telling me as it tells me that I did my work properly. :)
Leland Johnson from Midland MI on April 20, 2018:
Good description. I was able to visualize the classroom bathroom, and how the girls looked. You told a lot, helped me see a lot, without a lot of writing. Nicely done.
Robert Sacchi on August 09, 2016:
Great going and good luck.
Elisabeth Meier (author) on August 09, 2016:
I would like to add something here as I'm impressed by all the positive feedback I got so far from filmmakers worldwide, directors and producers, film students, the Duke of Edinburg I posted this script in it's correct formatted version, meaning written in my screenwriting program, on several websites, like Amazon Studios, International Screenwriting Association, Stage32, Scriptrevolution and some others. Additionally I submitted it to a screenwriting contest for short films and got asked to write a radio play for the Duke of Edinburgh's foundation. A charity work of course, but I feel very honored and am more than grateful. So, I pray I will do a good job for them and write a fabulous radio play. Thank you and good luck to you all!
Robert Sacchi on July 22, 2016:
That's the spirit!
Elisabeth Meier (author) on July 21, 2016:
Yes, it's still on Amazon. You never where you'll find the one who'd like to produce it.
Robert Sacchi on July 21, 2016:
Great idea. Good luck with it. You will keep the rejected screenplay on Amazon? Somebody might read and comment.
Elisabeth Meier (author) on July 21, 2016:
As expected Amazon rejected it as it is a short film, but I may submit it again when worked out to a feature. =)
Additionally I began writing a blog about "My Summer Screenwriting Challenge". I try to write a full proper feature screenplay in 31 days or to August 31. I will share my thoughts and the writing process. Hope it will help me to keep focussed and it will teach and inspire other creative writers. Maybe there's anybody out there who joins me with an own challenge - but anyway it's already fun now. Must admit I started it yesterday. lol.
Robert Sacchi on July 20, 2016:
Thank you for the Vitual Pitch Fest tip. Yes, I think a script would be too long for HubPages.
Elisabeth Meier (author) on July 19, 2016:
Well, Amazon won't take it as a short script, but I mentioned that I plan to re-write it into a feature or tv series. Hence, maybe they like the idea and call me. Wait and see and have a cup of tea.
Concerning short stories here: I thought about this too, but then decided for the scripts as most people never get a script to read. I thought it might be interesting - and obviously it is. A full feature is 90-120, longer if you are Quentin Tarantino. Would spoil the hub or you win a pile of these accolades like "longest hub ever", "all time hub with most capsules" etc. :)) Have you ever tried pitching your screenplays via online pitchfests? The Vitual Pitch Fest shall be recommendable and has a reasonable price per pitch appointment. Good luck, wishing you well.
Robert Sacchi on July 19, 2016:
Thank you. On a reader's suggestion I'm in the process of converting a short story, and its 2 sequels, into a screenplay. Since you mentioned it I'm going to give thought to converting one of my screenplays into a short story for HubPages. A full screenplay might be a bit much for HubPages readers to read.
For your screenplay maybe you can try a Night Gallery style pilot. At any rate good luck with your posting to Amazon.
Elisabeth Meier (author) on July 18, 2016:
Robert, you're welcome. Maybe you could use this network for your scripts as well - or you already do? Well, then there are several additional online pitching websites. Have you heard of them or already used them?
Concerning Amazon Studios I uploaded this short there after I read your comment. Thanks again for the hint. For a tv series a script needs to be at least 45 minutes as far as I know. A tv pilot should have 60 minutes, a short can't be pitched that way. I agree, the story is worth to be re-written and worked out as a feature or tv series. Thanks again and good luck for your scripts too!
Robert Sacchi on July 18, 2016:
Thank you for the link. You could submit it. You are right they don't seem to accept shorts but the worst they could do is say "no". There is also a chance somebody might read and review it. Granted it's a small chance. I haven't gotten much in the way of readers or feedback from Amazon. They has many entries. Another option you may want to consider is submitting it as a TV show anthology series. Good luck with the screenplay.
Elisabeth Meier (author) on July 17, 2016:
Thank you Robert. Yes, this and the script to 'Not in a God's House' I posted on my profile at Stage32, don't know if I may add the link here. There you can also find log lines to some of my other short scripts. Pls. see: https://www.stage32.com/sites/stage32.com/files/as...
Amazon is a good idea, thank you for the hint. I already have a profile there, but I was told they don't accept short film scripts. Do you know more, did they change anything? Thanks again for reading and taking the time!
Robert Sacchi on July 17, 2016:
Good job. Do you have it posted anywhere in the standard format? Have you considered posting it to Amazon?