PHOTO OF NAMELESS "REAL HOUSEMEN OF RHODE ISLAND"
THE REAL HOUSEMEN OF RHODE ISLAND (YUP, YOU READ IT RIGHT!)
CHAPTER 1 -- REAL HOUSEMEN OF RHODE ISLAND: EPISODE 1 SYNOPSIS:
So I started checking into the courthouse hours last night... Got up early.. Called a taxi. Spent 50 bucks going to the police station for the for police reports and then down to the courthouse building and when we get there we find five or six other people like us that could not see a judge because the State failed to acknowledge they would be closed until Tuesday a completely wasted trip and then had to spend another $40 to get to work .
Pete was dropping us off from work and Kenny went up to unlock our doors. Pete leaves I go in the house put the leashes on the dogs and proceeded to walk them out. The minute I get outside on the porch my neighbor sends her daughter out at the same moment with the trash and I'm already in the driveway. She comes running out the French doors. And I'm wishing that those dogs better be on a leash or I'm going to call the cops (AGAIN).
"Are you and Dhrama alright? She asked with a touch of charm. "Did Jon bother you or touch you? By this time she is livid. How could I get stuck with such a messed up situation with my neighbor. Then she yells, "Don't worry Cracker, you're going to jail!"
I go in the house with my dogs and don't say a word to her, the bitch. I heard my roommates soothing voice saying, "...Just go in the house and she'll go into her house!"
Then why is she going down her hallway screaming (I can hear her!), then she's eating upstairs, not in the usual area she eats (I see). My sister was home and we started pounding on the walls all the way up the stairs! "Call the cops again and and beg them to come out," said loyal sis as she banged with all her might, out of breath and red sweaty face contorted in anger.
After we calmed down, smoked a joint in the cellar, we called the cops and one cop show up and wants to know why I called and when I informed him that the police officer the night before told me every time she starts that I am to call and file a report as did the last tenant.
"Officer," I said, out of sorts and effected by the pot. "She claims that she has a text from my phone to her last night! And it says I threaten to kill her and her children. They say they fear for their lives," I further explain, trying to be in control, even if deceptively.
"Calm down,l calm down," said the cop. He'd been to my house many times, and knew me well. He said I was a man with a 'magnet charm in game, he said campy and stupid."
"Not much I can do here. She's got to make a move. Right now I am the one looking bad. It's hard to stop and go about my fucking business," I said with no candor.
"Well, officer, I'd like to see this text and I would like him to see the text also and she starts yelling I don't have to show you everything on my phone we're going to let the judge see," I said. Indeed we are," I added. "Officer," I waited for him to acknowledge and nod. He did. I continued...
I'd like to have this woman arrested for making false reports and charges against me. And you guys can call call T-Mobile and they will tell you that when I went to jail for a suspended license overnight on Friday, somebody stole my phone," I said honestly. I saw his face and eyebrows change when i said 'went to jail".
I continued to plead my case as he stood in my living room. "My phone has been turned off and locked since the 16th of December while I wait for my new device to come in the mail."
Then I went to my desk and brought out some paperwork but he refused to read the 4 police reports from one of his supervisors and two other police officers stating how '...she's an instigator, they caught her for different lies regarding my wife being a pedophile!"
Now it's time to tell the cops that I come knocking on her windows everyday requesting sex from her 14 year old daughter and she's doing this via Facebook live and I didn't lie about this. this is one time I'm going to keep my cool! Pete is coming over tomorrow with two extra surveillance cameras we had leftover when we installed them on the new Love Shack we did last summer, and we will be stuck installing them facing her front door and the front yard and hooking them up to a separate computer...
"Officer, I would never want to play games with her, but.... (what I was really thinking was "She wants games, I'll show her games! This is not going to end well for a couple of people, I guarantee it . There are 3 things you d on't fuck with... 1. my family 2. My home, or 3. my wife).
Make it simple said Cousin Joe, "You gotta' show this backwoods inbred half-breed PuddinPop how we handle stuff...."
TO BE CONTINUED.... Just a little synopsis.