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Country Comes to Buckhorn: Act 2 - Scene 5: The Aftermath

Gerry Glenn Jones is a writer of fiction and nonfiction, as well as scripts for theatre and film. This is a factual account.

Animal Pyramid

Animal Pyramid

Act 2 - Scene 5: Lester Makes Complaint on Arnold, the Bear

(It's early morning at the sheriff's office)

Deputy Jim Jenkins

But, sheriff...I tell you, it was an awful experience!

Sheriff Leroy Potts:

Well, at least ya found one of Earl's booby Traps.

Deputy Jim Jenkins:

Yeah, and his ole bear again, but sheriff I ruined my uniform...the pants smelled so bad I had to throw them away.

Sheriff Leroy Potts:

Don't worry...we gonna make ole Earl pay for yore pants when we catch him at his still.

Deputy Jim Jenkins:

If you say so, sheriff.

(Lester comes into the office rubbing his bottom)

Sheriff Leroy Potts:

What's done happened to you Lester?

Lester Funderburk:

Sheriff, you ain't gonna believe this, but I done been shot by an aole bear over at Earl's place.

Sheriff Leroy Potts:

(rubbing his chin)

Do what?

Lester Funderburk:

I say, I done been shot by what I reckon was a big ole bear that Earl had trained to purtect his still, and I want to press charges on that there dangerous bear, and Earl too.

Sheriff Leroy Potts:

Now, hold on here...have ya had some of Earl's shine...I ain't never heard of anything so crazy.

Deputy Jim Jenkins:

Now, sheriff, I don't know about Lester's story, but mine is true.

Lester Funderburk:

Mine too, sheriff...do ya want to see my backside?

Sheriff Leroy Potts:

Naw, that's okay, Lester, but I'm still a thinkin that you been in some of Earl's hooch...I ain't never heard sech a hair-brained story!

Lester Funderburk:

It ain't nothin like that sheriff! Well, anyways, if ya ain't gonna believe me...I guess I'm wastin my time.

(Lester leaves)

Sheriff Leroy Potts:

Jim, ya need to go on outta here and do some deputing...I don't reckon ya get paid for lollygagging, do ya?

Deputy Jim Jenkins:

But sheriff...

Sheriff Leroy Potts:

Go on...git!

(The deputy shakes his head and leaves)


What Lester's behind looked like after being shot

What Lester's behind looked like after being shot

Act 2 - Scene 6: Getting Ready For the Party

(Grandpa and Grandma Haycock's house)

Grandma Haycock:

Are you excited about the dance tonight, Bobbi Jo?

Bobbi Jo:

Oh, I don't know grandma...I don't care much for dancing with most of the good ole boys...they are childish.

Grandma Haycock:

Yeah, I know, Bobbi Jo, but ya need to go and have a good time...everybody's gonna be there.

Bobbi Jo:

I guess you are right grandma, but I'd rather be hanging out with Arnold, the bear, and Zeek, the squirrel. They have always been good buddies to me.

Grandma Haycock:

Child, I know ya love those critters, but there's been some talk about Arnold stealing guns and shootin people...he may have turned violent or joined a gang.

Bobbi Jo:

Now, grandma...don't you be worrying about Arnold, he wouldn't harm a hair on nobody's head.

Grandma Haycock:

That may be true, but they say he harmed Lester Funderburk's behind with some birdshot.

Bobbi Jo:

If it was Arnold, it was an accident.

Grandma Haycock:

It may be so, but Wilma said he's been peeking on her in the outhouse.

(They both laugh)

Folks talking about the party that's coming

Folks talking about the party that's coming

Act 2 - Scene 7: Preparing For the Dance

(Funderburg house)

Lester Funderburg:

Now Lula, darlin, I don't know if I can dance with my pride wounded prided wounded this a way.

(He rubs his behind)

Lula Belle Funderburg:

If you don't take me to that dance tonight, Lester Funderburg, you'll have more than your precious pride to worry about.

Lester Funderburg:

Oh, alright, but I don't have ta dance.

Lula Belle Funderburg:

Lester, if ya mess up this dance for me, you can sleep in the woodshed some more.

Lester Funderburg:

Oh, Lula, darlin!

Lula Belle Funderburg:

After this dance is over, I'll be expecting ya to go a bear huntin...I'm not gonna rest until that vicious ole creature is fone.

Lester Funderburg:

Now wait a minute, Lula, you know that bear is armed...I don't even have a gun...he's got it, and he shore is a dead shot.

Lula Belle Funderburg:

You ain't a gonna ta tell me that a grown man like you ain't gonna stand up for his wife's honor...after all, that mangy bear done seen me with my drawers down.

Lester Funderburg:

Now Lula, I'm figurin that scare the ole bear worsin it scare you!

Lula Belle Funderburg:

What did you just say?

Lester Funderburg:

Ugh...ugh...ugh, well what I meant to say was, when you opened that outhouse door, he weren't expectin to see no woman with her breaches down. It was jest natural he took off running.

Lula Belle Funderburg:

Oh, shut up you ole fool...you will take me to the dance...and you will get that ole bear!

Lester Funderburg:

Oh, Lula, Darlin!

Act 2 - Scene 8: Others Prepare For the Dance

(Earl is at his still, preparing a little of his moonshine to go in the dance punch bowl - He doesn't know that Arnold is watching him from the bushes)

Earl Watson:

(Talking to himself)

This is about the strongest batch I've made in a month of Sundays. This outta knock 'em off their feet when I put it in the punch bowl.

(He takes a sip, and makes a face - He then takes the jug and leaves the still)

(After Earl left, Arnold goes over to the still with his new shotgun, and turns up a jug of shine and drinks about half of it.)

Conclusion of Act 2 - Scene 8

Well, folks, the play is almost over, but don't miss the final installment, coming up next.

Couple dancing

Couple dancing

© 2019 Gerry Glenn Jones