I've heard people suffer from depression. However, I've realized depression is vastly fueled by a feeling meaningless inside you!.
Years of success, hordes of riches; and an empty cavern inside you. Sound familiar? It's the same old story for a lot of people.
The world fails to understand one massive fact about mankind itself. Spending money never buys happiness; giving it does. Satisfaction comes not from success but from a feeling of completion inside you.
You close your eyes and you see a fruitless life ahead of you; a bleak existence behind you. What does that leave you with? An emptiness that won't leave? A hole you cant fill?.
Things you already missed. Chances you may ever get again. Opportunities you know are gone.
These are the things that kill. The things you hardly get over. The things that pull you down until you are nothing more than a blubbering mess.
“Losing your life is not the worst thing that can happen. The worst thing is to lose your reason for living.”
— Jo Nesbo
Maybe that’s not your story. Maybe loss brings you where you are today. Perhaps a loved one. Somebody you trusted. Somebody you cannot bring back and yet can’t bring yourself to replace. Perhaps self-destruction is your way of dealing with your loss. Or, you just cannot muster up enough strength to get up and go on. Could be, you find your bed and the solitude of your room, far more comfortable than people. Or maybe, that’s not it either.
People are wrong when they say loss and tension leads to depression. No, it’s so much more.
Depression is inevitable.
A hollowing in your chest even you are unaware of. A gaping hole threatening to engulf your very existence. One wrong step and you fall to a place from where not many return.
A thread of determination keeps you on the brink. A flicker of hope keeps your feet firm. Yet, the inevitable approaches. Lazily, as if it knows you have nowhere left to run. As if it feels your helplessness.
But the worst, is when problems rise. When you’re fighting too much than you can handle. When you’re suffering from loss or from a crisis. It smiles and slithers closer. Every time your hope flickers; the darkness creeps in. And you spend days locked in your head. War raging in your mind. As you desperately try to push it back. To keep your thoughts straight, your goals organized.
And does it recede? Yes, if you’re strong enough to push it back. It recedes and bides it’s time until you’re weak and vulnerable once more. But, for those of us you can’t fight their way back up. With time; the idea of giving up their sanity seems more and more tempting, if it means escape from misery.
Does it ever stop, you ask? Does it truly ever leave? No. It does not. As long as you have responsibilities weighing on you. As long as you have people in your life; it never truly leaves.
It cannot, you see.
Who’ll be there to offer you comfort when you can’t find a job. And what if you’re wife gets sick. What if your daughter starts acting strange and drawn; and you fear it’s the new biker boyfriend? What if you don’t have enough for your son’s college and university?
And here it comes. Offering the comforts of oblivion. And do you realize how easy it is to let go?
You should. If you want to hold tight.
Solitude is catching. Once you realize the bliss it offers, you hardly have enough fight left to bounce back. Sometimes you want to, sometimes you don't.
— Elliana Wright
But not always, do you fall to depression to escape things. Sometimes, you don’t even realize how you got where you are. But you know what the funny thing is? Sometimes, even you don’t comprehend where you end up. You just don’t realize you’re depressed. Life is going on as it always does. Yes, you’ve made changes; but, doesn’t everybody. She says you aren’t the same man? So? You like what you are at the moment. It’s so much cooler. So much easier and so less straining. You go home from work and watch movies, eat takeout and sleep on the couch you can’t remember the last time you bothered to clean.
You get up in the morning, hop over the clothes that litter the floor; and will do so until you toss them smell and all into a corner. You’ll rummage around your own filth for clothes you didn’t bother to iron. The watch you can’t remember taking off. Late to work? Duck your head and get to work.
Get takeout. Go home. Eat, and watch tv. Swipe everything of the bed, and you are good to go.
And it goes on.
What you don’t realize, is that you’re in a comatose state. You’re sleeping through your life. And you will never wake up until you try to. You are aware of this. But, waking up looks like too much of a task. And sleeping is so much better. No?
What you need to understand is that these habits are toxic. This routine poisonous. And you need to get up before you forget how.
“When you're lost in those woods, it sometimes takes you a while to realize that you are lost. For the longest time, you can convince yourself that you've just wandered off the path, that you'll find your way back to the trailhead any moment now. Then night falls again and again, and you still have no idea where you are, and it's time to admit that you have bewildered yourself so far off the path that you don't even know from which direction the sun rises anymore.”
— Elizabeth Gilbert
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2019 Sahar Zehra