Breakup is something that is not new to all of us. We have experienced it at least once in our lifetime and we know how much it hurts.
The first few days after it are the worst. It takes a lot of effort to wake up, go to school or work, put a happy face and distract ourselves. Our goal then was to survive each day from the waves of emotions. We were counting the days until we get used to not having the person we once loved around anymore.
There is no mathematical formula to determine the number of months or years it would take to fully move on. The length of the relationship is not even the sole factor. Our hearts have different timelines and ways of healing.
Based on my experience, moving on comes in waves. There were times when it felt like I have moved on and I did not have to put a fake smile anymore. But there were also times when I was just curled up in bed, crying my heart out, tempted to call or message my ex-boyfriend and wanting to free myself from the pain. It is never easy to move on. It takes a lot of constant effort, time and emotional strength. At first, I gave myself 3 months to grieve. But three months felt like 3 years. I cried to my friends on the phone, wrote hundreds of letters, worked hard in the gym and watched movies and concerts on my own. I prayed every night to wake up with a light and renewed heart. Eventually, I stopped tracking time. And before I knew it, it has been a year since the breakup.
I know that a year is just a short period of time but it does a lot when moving on. Who would have thought that I can survive a year without running back to my ex-boyfriend? No one. Even before, I could not see myself get over him after a year but as what others say, just give it time and everything will be fine. True to that, a year could make a big difference. It taught me so much lessons and made me realize so many things.
I was able to move on even if I still love him. I admit that there is still a part of me that cares about my ex-boyfriend and I still love him but in a different way now. It is the kind of love that made me forgive him and not to seek revenge. It is the reason why I chose to let go of him to be with his ex-girlfriend because he's happier with her. For a year that I was moving on, the feeling of love remained but I have accepted the fact that I don't have any control when it comes to his heart.
I learned to prioritize self-love. The end of the relationship taught me so much about loving myself. I waited for a year for him to commit to me only to find out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend. I begged for his love, chased him everytime he left me and let myself be his safety blanket. I just realized all these when I distanced myself from him. I vowed not to be someone's option anymore. When he tried to reach out to me, I learned to say no because I value myself more now.
I realized that love is needed to heal a broken heart but not necessarily from romantic relationships. Love cannot just be found in lovers. It can also be found in our friends, family and relatives. I closed myself to people around me and cried myself to sleep almost every night. I was afraid to bother them when they have other problems or issues to deal with. When they showed me that they care about me, I started to loosen up a bit and spent more time with them. My heart started to heal and I felt loved once again.
Being single made me realize my ambitions and strived to achieve them. When I became single, I was focused on improving myself and achieving my goals. I spent my time learning new things, widening my financial portfolio and writing different articles for my website. I dedicated much of my time to my work and it really paid off. It made me happy that finally I'm getting back on track and I wanted to achieve even more.
I enjoyed life even without a lover. Being single does not mean being unlovable. I have friends who enjoy my company. I have a family who truly cares about me. I am contented being on my own for I have embraced my singleness. I learned to watch movies and concerts alone to enjoy being with different people. I was able to do all the things I love because I have no one to stop me from doing what I want.
I realized that it's better to be single than to be with the wrong person. The breakup made me cry for so many things but I knew that I was crying over one thing and it's just one time. When I was in a relationship, I cried for so many times over different matters. I never felt valued. I allowed to be treated like a doormat. I gave countless chances to someone who was not even sure about me. I begged to be chosen.
Lastly and most importantly, I forgave myself. I used to blame myself for the breakup. I was going over what happened and what I could have done differently. I hated myself for letting go of him. I wished that I was more independent, more loving and many more things so that he would have chosen me. I realized that there is nothing for me to do that will change things. I can be the best woman that any guy could ask for but he would still choose her. I learned to be patient and kind to myself. I embraced my flaws and learned from my mistakes.
Time is a great healer but we also need effort and motivation to move forward in life. We also need to resolve whether we are ready to move on and leave everything in the past. Everything will get better in time if we put our minds to it.
isaacomanga on June 12, 2018:
I like your word dear
dashingscorpio from Chicago on June 12, 2018:
" It is the reason why I chose to let go of him to be with his ex-girlfriend because he's happier with her." It was (his) choice.
"Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."
- Oscar Wilde
In order for your (ex) to have been "the one" he would have had to see (you) as being "the one". At the very least a "soulmate" is someone who wants to be with you! (And vice versa).
What keeps most people from moving on is their unwillingness to accept a relationship is over. Truth is they don't want to move on. Essentially what they really want is a magical reconciliation!
However once we really do accept a relationship is over and there's no turning back we begin to put our energy and focus on other things in our life. Gradually we find our smile/laughter again.
With each failed relationship we gain wisdom and refine our mate selection process and "must haves list". Sometimes we win, sometimes we learn. In your example it might be to avoid being the rebound or not dating a guy who is still into his ex.
Eventually we find a new love and one day we look back on that breakup with gratitude because if we had not broken up with our ex we probably would have never found this (new love) of our life.
In a world with over 7 Billion people rejection just means: NEXT!
Every ending is a new beginning!