Do You Love the Same as Me?
I've written this article to highlight the qualities in other people that I most admire.
Nobody is perfect, myself included (!) but just how fussy are we when it comes to liking others? If, for instance, they swore like a trooper - would it put you off wanting to get to know them?
If they dressed a particular way and it didn't sit comfortably with you, would that stop you from trying to get to know the person within?
I suppose that when I take an interest in someone I do to a certain extent like them to reflect the qualities, morals and values that I have in life, but that doesn't mean if one is lacking then they don't get the time of day. Read on to see what makes me tick and let me know your views on the subject.....
This has to be number one with me.
If you can't be straight with me then don't bother. I much prefer the truth, even if it is a little blunt at times - I have no time for lies.
I like to think I've got a strong intuition and can usually tell if someone isn't being truthful. I have brought my sons up to tell the truth and have always said one truth is better than twenty lies.
So in my household there can be some moments that make you say 'ouch!' but at least you know where you stand. I find the truth also reduces arguments - how can you argue with the truth? And so, if you are honest to yourself and others and this creates issues, then the issue really lies with the other person. Some people just can't deal with the truth.
I was tempted to add this to the honesty section because I do think they go hand in hand. However, trust is such a strong thing to share that I felt it needed its own little paragraph.
Without honesty you cannot have trust. But how do you learn to trust others? Do you give them the benefit of the doubt or does your trust level not even make room for allowances?
Personally, I'm not a very trusting person BUT I like to always give people the benefit of the doubt. Generally I trust my instinct, I usually know who I can and cannot trust. My attitude is; trust them until they prove me wrong.
I love being around people who are 'themselves'. By that I mean those who are clearly comfortable with their life, who are happy with who they are and what they do for a living.
They are usually fascinating people, although that doesn't mean we will see eye to eye; they may have a domineering personality ; they may have an air of arrogance or ignorance about them - but I can still admire them if they are being true to themselves.
I have found that many people who don't follow others like sheep, are often highly successful. There is usually a reason why they are so unique, perhaps they have a specific talent, or maybe they are just very charismatic. Often these people have come from backgrounds where there has been a struggle, maybe bullying - it's as if they have needed to prove themselves to the world.
I particularly like charismatic people and some I can just see by looking at them that they have an interesting life-story to tell!
I always encourage individuality - be yourself!
I think I speak for a lot of people on this quality yet why is it that so many of us let others down?
If there's one thing I don't like it is being let down and therefore I try not to do it to others. But it's impossible sometimes, maybe someone lets you down and it has a ripple effect and you end up letting someone else down as a result. That type of situation is unfortunate and not always directly your fault.
Therefore I think we need a certain amount of tolerance and understanding towards others.
As a music teacher I get let down frequently and I've heard the most amazing excuses - the best one being how a parent couldn't bring their child because the parent was calling me from their hospital bed, they'd had emergency surgery and wouldn't be able to drive for six weeks. The following week they turned up bold as brass and sat outside in the driving seat of their car - aarrgh!!
So if you promise to be there for someone, make every effort to follow it through, don't let anything get in your way. If things go pear-shaped then at least have the decency to be honest with them rather than come up with some feeble excuse.
I remember a friend once rang to say they weren't coming to see me one evening. When I asked why they said, 'I just can't be arsed, I'm in one of those moods...' I didn't go mad - true, I felt let down but I really admired them for just being honest and was glad that they felt they could be that direct with me.
I'm no angel believe me, the biggest thing that winds others up about me is my mobile phone. I always mean to text back etc but somehow I get sidetracked and it can be days/weeks before I remember again. I get a lot of stick for that - emails is another, perhaps correspondence is not my best subject.....
I've surrounded myself with a lot of miseries in my time, and no doubt been a massive one myself.
However these days I try to steer clear from people who seemingly like being in a miserable state of mind. I like happy people! I like people who are full of life, dynamic and impulsive.
I always thought I was positive because I've always looked on the bright side, always been kind and considerate etc but I didn't realise that there is more to being positive than being good-natured. Positivity is something you nurture and practice and the more you do it the more you will seek it in others because it is so infectious.
it took me a long time to realise that I was firmly fixed on the negatives in life because a lot of my life has been a struggle one way or the other. But that just shows that it is about our attitude, how we view things that makes us either positive or negative.
When I finally learned to focus on the good and not waste time thinking about the things that bugged me, I shifted my focus and changed my life. Now I always look for the positives because once you experience joy you will want more of it and will seek it out in the things and people you surround yourself with.
Everyone can be more positive, you just need to change your mind. Even if you seemingly have a dark cloud hanging over you there will be a rainbow somewhere if you look hard enough.
I love to laugh. I love to see others laugh. I love people who live for the moment and this is something I need to be more like myself. I tend to procrastinate sometimes, I tend to think too deeply sometimes and then the moment has gone.
So positivity is a very admirable quality, positive people are exciting and fun to be around.
I do like people to be open with me. I find it very difficult to talk to someone who is a very closed book; the sort that doesn't show emotion or give anything away.
I'm not into gossip, I don't mean that kind of idle chit-chat but I like to feel on a level to whom I'm with and to not feel I have to hold anything back, or that they feel they have to bite their tongue.
I've not always been so open, in fact I've been quite guarded in the past. Some people may think I give too much away in my writing but really I only say what I want people to know and it's never the full story (I'm saving that for my novels...).
I really like it when people are open with me. When they feel comfortable enough with me that they can share something really private and/or intimate. When you can be like that with someone I think it speaks volumes about the level of your relationship with each other, or how they see you as a person. Indeed, I've had some people be so open with me I've not known where to put my face but hey, I admire the fact they were brave enough to share their thoughts and felt they could be that straight with me.
So if you're with me you might get warts and all (not literally) and I'd expect you to be the same in return.
If you don't even try and see other peoples point of view then you won't get on with me.
I always try to look at both sides of the coin in a situation, there is always a positive and a negative. To only look at one side doesn't make you the most understanding person and a lot of people are only prepared to see things their way.
This falls into the openess bracket a little because to have empathy with others you do need to be able to get in touch with your emotions, your feelings and not only that, you need to be able to look at life objectively and put yourself in their situation in order to understand them better.
Cold-hearted and mean-spirited people have reduced me to tears before now. I much prefer someone who has warmth about them and all those good qualities such as kindness, consideration and love.
It's love that makes the world go round so always give and you will receive. Those that have no empathy have probably not experienced enough love in their lives or turned away from love because someone/something hurt them. Always choose love.
I could have linked this with the positivity section but passion covers so many areas.
The passion I like in others is when I see them full of enthusiasm for a particular subject. Indeed, I could even fall for the ugliest of men if I saw with a deep desire for something (it would have to be interesting though...).
When someone is passionate or enthusiastic about something, their energy and drive draws you in. Passion oozes out of them and you can't help but admire it, it can even be quite sexy because they are clearly aroused by the subject matter and it could get you just as excited, if you let it!
Of course there's the other side to passion....the sex side! Well, that speaks for itself and I know all about lack of passion. If someone was passionate towards me now I think I'd die of shock!
So in the meantime I'll get my kicks from admiring those who live and breathe whatever it is that turns them on (so long as it's legal..) and aspire to be more like them myself.
Standards, Morals, and Decency
Here's where I'm a bit of a nit-picker. I like those with good standards, good morals and who are decent to others.
Is that a tall order? Am I a snob? I have been told I am a snob before now, and if that is the case then so what? I don't care!
There has to be quality to life and if you are applying quality to whatever you are doing or whoever you are with then you get the thumbs up from me.
I do think there has been a drop in standards within society and consequently a drop in morals and decency. My pet hates are inequality, foul language and lack of respect. Where did it go wrong? Was it the classroom, or should these things be being taught at home?
Most of us learn by example, we need people to show us the way so if one's home environment is abusive then that person will only know abuse. If you come from a happy environment then you will know how to spread happiness to others.
These are massive areas - too big for a discussion here, because of all the different factors that contribute to the bigger picture in society. The standards I like in people are probably all the ones I've listed so far. I like people to have morals, morals give you structure and also set your standards - live by your morals and not someone else's. I also like decency. I'm not just talking about respect for one another regardless of gender, I'm meaning no unnecessary bad language and more politeness.
There was a time when I thought the male-female debate was very unfair. I didn't like how women were treated in history but yet there was a certain respect, everybody knew where they stood. I'm not saying it was right but I do think there is less structure in (British) society these days, people have got too much freedom and choice and too many rights on their side. Sometimes I'd be quite happy to fetch my man his pipe and slippers after slaving over the mangle, cleaning, cooking and scrubbing my doorstep all day. ...
I'm not sure where I sit on the male/female debate but I do think it's got worse rather than better and women are objects and second-class citizens more now than they ever were. Just my opinion, you're welcome to yours!
So if you're respectful and set good examples of behaviour and know how to curb expletives then I'm going to like you more than someone who is less conscious of the world around them.
Sometimes I Love the Qualities I Don't Have
Yes, sometimes what I like most about people is that they have a quality that I don't feel I have, or could ever have.
This is the reason why some people DON'T like each other; because there is a deep-seated resentment based on something they actually admire!
So when someone rubs you up the wrong way, maybe deep down you like something about their personality and would like to be more like them? Am I bugging you with the mere suggestion?
Admittedly it is admirable qualities, the positive ones I like - for instance, I'm not a very strong person but I do admire those who can stand up for themselves even if it results in a battle of wills. Yet I don't like things such as aggression and there is a difference in getting your point across (admirable) and being a downright bully (not admirable) - I only like in people qualities that enhance my own rather than make me feel inadequate (I can do that all by myself...).
So there you go. You now know what qualities I like in others and I'm pretty sure most people like the same. This list is not comprehensive, there are lots more I'm sure and I may even add to it from time to time. What have I missed? Is there a quality not listed here that I've over-looked, or is there something you look for in others that you'd like to share? Please join in by leaving a comment in my guestbook.
Thankyou for reading this article, I hope you enjoyed it.
Please leave any comments here - what did you think?
anonymous on July 01, 2012:
I agree with you that honesty is the most important (and probably the hardest) thing in any relationship.