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Puzzling in Life


Do I fit in this family puzzle?

As a baby who grew up in a family, all is fine at the beginning. I am not saying that things will get worst but in general cases, things go normally well. There are some cases of exceptional conditions which may come with poor parenting but I am not going in that direction. My question is how do I fit into the Family puzzle? A family "normally" (some cultures have different views on this matter) starts with two individuals who come together to have or adopt children. Now we have the extension of the family when there are grandparents, uncles, aunts, and grandchildren among others. Yet, there is still the beginning of the two who are normally strangers who come together to build a family.

Each and every family unit is unique on its own as each member forming part of this family are special individuals with their own character and emotions, high and low. From this "imperfect" group of individuals called family, dreams are made, This is where prime ministers are formed, society is elevated to different levels and structures, future families, and characters are forged, champions are made, and more.

Dealing with unhealthy family relationships is a long process, and every family system is unique in its own way. However, a good first step is usually to identify the family patterns that are working against you and find ways to overcome the negative influences of your upbringing. You can also try: Maintaining or developing positive relationships can be difficult, especially if you have a large family. When two family members are working hard to create or maintain a positive relationship, quality time, shared interests, and positive communication can help.

What makes the difference is the difference

One thing that many do not realize is that everybody is different. There is no human being that is exactly the same as the other one, that is wah we call an "individual" due to the uniqueness of that being. Though there could be some visual or external resemblance, we are all different. The same applies to the family. We are all different individuals growing together within society.

During wartime, food choice was not something that was as handy as we have now. Whatever was available on in the kitchen, this is what you will get to eat, that's it, that's all, and strong people were made. Children grew up with that mindset. I have not known much about the war but I grew up in a very low-income family in times of recession and depression in the early and mid-80s. I remember my parents' struggles. We were often visited by cyclones and this affected the economy largely. I remember during some cyclonic times we had only rice and some salt on it for lunch and dinner. A few days later, we had rice and milk. Thank God that my parents had this food for us all, and we could not argue as we knew and see how it was a really difficult time for us.

Now I am a grown-up and proud dad of four kids, I can see how different each individual is from the other. I fully understand that there needs to be a certain standard that all have to live by like when it is school days, you have to go to bed at 19.30 pm or things like that. There are some areas where the characters really show up like when we want to eat outside, my gosh, "not a good idea, not a good idea" would I say. But is such a wonderful experience as I have come to understand that there is no one size fit for all. One will say, I love pizza, noodles or hamburgers, etc... I have the responsibility to make sure that those needs are kind of met inside the family, or else while growing up, they will tend to look to the outside world for fulfillment. The outside world does not necessarily mean wrong but all paths are not good. It is a lot of work for the parent but the end result is worth it, at least we all hope it will be awesome. The danger to society is that we are not acknowledging the individual character and we are trying to grow children in a one-fit-for-al model. I learned it the hard way when I had some issues with my son at 1st-year of primary school and I said to myself, how can we be so hard at breaking the character of an individual or even a child so that same can fit in the standards of what the protocol is Crazy World!

Now, do not get me wrong. I am not saying that each individual can go crazy without boundaries but let those characters out and work it out to get the best out of it for both or the whole family. When all are fighting to play with the same game or toy, I remove the toy from the midst of the situation or completely get rid of it, if it is not too expensive of course because I need to save some too haha, and advise if they cannot play together without fistfight, this is not meant for you and try to find a way to make it work or find something else, and if you are ready to play together, come and see me, I will give it back to you. The tension drops immediately and pins silence in the house as I turn back to my stuff.

This is a great spot to be when you can watch all the different characters wrestling and trying to voice out and see how important it is that we value each character and make room for growth. Our society depends on it!

This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2022 Herford Jorgenson