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Why Are We Afraid of Death?

When my mother passed away it was a shock, not that I didn’t expect it, because her motivation was already something that didn’t exist (and that for me is dying little by little), but because I didn’t expect it to be so soon, she was 59!

When I got my father’s call to prepare for the worst, knowing that she was already lifeless, it was like running out of ground, I realize now that expression, because that’s it, an impotence, a not knowing what to do and at the same time, seconds later a float of thoughts! What will I do? How am I going to explain to my brother? What’s it going to be like for my dad?

On the way to my parents’ house, about 143 miles from my home, it was a trip in silence, thinking about the moments I spent with her. These thoughts helped me overcome this unexpected scenario.

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Thinking about something positive is undoubtedly difficult at times like this, we are not prepared, or no one prepares us for something like this, and so, we often don´t know what to do. My father was like this, completely lost, not knowing what to do.

Since I started working, I have been forced to have a constant personal motivation and be creative on a daily basis. I think that this life experience has led me to see the bright side of things and helped me find solutions to any problem that arises in my life. That helped me focusing on what I had to do in that moment, trying all the time to remember the good things I’ve been through with my mother.

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But why is it so hard, even if it’s not unexpected? I think the reason is because no one prepares us, and we should definitely have that preparation. We should have the notion that tomorrow we may no longer be around and, give more importance to the moments we spent together, trying to make them as pure and simple as possible. I think, the way we look at things is the solution, it doesn’t mean it’s not painful, but we can minimize that pain over time.

When people talk about their loved ones who have died, it is always, or in most cases, a suffering, a disgrace! It seems to me that most of the times they express themselves just because it is an obligation, because it is what is normal or supposed to, crying and be in deep sadness. When I speak of my mother’s death, it is not what happens! I feel a clear sadness, and the tears insist on coming out of my eyes, but I also feel peace, and a pure feeling! I remember the moments we spent together, the foods she made, the apples she peeled for me at the end of lunch or dinner, the city tours when she came to visit me, the trips to the restaurants and the experiences we had, and much more great moments we had together. On her last day I felt in peace with the tribute I was able to provide to her.

Because at the end, we have to have strength and face the problems and not be powerless. We have to be prepare for this to happen at any time and, when that day come, be able to deal with our feelings and pay the homage that a child should pay to his loved one.

The fear of death in my opinion is duo to our impotence and the unknown, not knowing how to deal with the situation and so, we need to prepare ourselves every day.

But it’s a natural thing, the deathloop, the only certainty we have, so the secret is being with our family in the good and bad moments and when the day comes, we can make it a day of reflection and celebration of life.

© 2022 Angela Faustino

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