Why My Divorce Is the Best and the Worst Thing to Ever Happen to Me

Updated on May 28, 2018
MattyJ9999 profile image

Matt is a computer scientist, software engineer, and entrepreneur with extensive experience in business and writing.

The title to this hub may be a bit misleading...

It's been nine months since my wife left. Today, I had to leave work, because I nearly had a breakdown at my desk. I managed to get a note out to my manager, gingerly made my way down to the parking garage, and I burst into tears as I sat in the drivers seat of my car.

Over the last nine months, I've hit rock bottom quite a few times. Today was another day that I needed to take a pause. I was sitting at my desk when I started to think about her again, and how I did not treat her very well. I thought of all the things that I regretted saying to her, and how she begged me to get help and change. I thought about the fights we had after we left, and all of the things I shouldn't have said, and I wonder if she thinks about those things too. I still have a lot of things I have to work through, but there are a few things that I've done to get my life back on track.

I quit drinking

My alcoholism was a large contributor to the problems in my relationship. I suffer from mental illness, and my drinking greatly exacerbated both my illness and the problems it presented in my marriage.

If you have an alcohol or other addiction problem, consult a doctor immediately to discuss a treatment plan. Some people need to attend a rehab center, while others manage to stop drinking through the use of groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous. Quitting alcohol cold turkey can be dangerous, and can even lead to death, so be sure to seek the help of a professional to discuss options for your problem.

My mood has been much more consistent since I stopped drinking, and over time my cravings for alcohol have decreased. It's easier for me to wake up in the morning for work, and my mental health has been significantly better.

I would encourage anyone who believes they have an alcohol problem, or has been told that they have an alcohol problem to seek treatment. My life isn't perfect, but I can now see the damage that my alcoholism caused in my relationships, and I can now hope to be a better partner in future relationships without alcohol as a complicating factor.

I started working out and maintaining a consistent diet

I had been working out here and there, but not as much as I could have been. After my wife left, the only thing for the first couple of months that stopped the tears from flowing was going to the gym and hitting an intense workout.

Since then, I've managed to get in the gym 3-5 times a week, I started attending hot yoga and thermal resistance classes, and I've done my best to eat as healthy as I possibly can. Instead of sausage breakfast burritos, I now have banana, yogurt, and oatmeal. I eat whole grain rice, baked chicken, and lots of veggies. Every once in a while I still grab a Reeces Concrete Mixer from Culvers, but hey, no one is perfect.

Working out has been one of the few things to really make me feel better, and I would recommend it to anyone.

Before and after quitting drinking, working out
Before and after quitting drinking, working out

I've Worked With My Therapist, and Adjusted My Medication

Therapy has been a rough venture for me. My wife went to therapy with me, and I did an awful job of taking my therapists advice, and ultimately it led to the breakdown in my marriage. I've been doing my best not to beat myself up over not taking action when I had the chance. I was with a woman that loved me enough that she came to my therapy sessions, and tried to help me get better. I didn't do a good job listening to my therapist and adjusting when I had the chance.

Since my wife left, I've had to sort through these issues through therapy, and it's been one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I'm suffering from mental illness and addiction, and having her leave me the way she did made me feel defective and worthless. I've missed her presence and the way she made me feel greatly, so to have to talk through those issues has been extremely difficult to say the least. I understand why she did what she did. Each time I have a bitter thought, I do my best to forgive her, but I'm still angry with myself for how I treated her, and sometimes I'm angry with her for leaving me because I was sick.

I had started taking an SSRI (selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor) a couple of months before I had met her to stop panic attacks that I was having at work. These panic attacks were related to my alcoholism, and I was taking the SSRI to fire fight the problem instead of defeating the root cause of the issue which was alcohol. Halfway through our marriage, I became extremely depressed and my wife was worried about me. My doctor increased my dosage to 40mg, but unfortunately a side effect to that increase was I became more emotionally numb. This contributed not only to my alcoholism, but I was also not mentally prepared to take the problems in my marriage seriously.

Over the last nine months I've worked closely with my doctor to reduce my medication. Since I no longer drink, I don't require the medication to stop the panic attacks, and I didn't want to be completely numb through my divorce. I wanted to actually feel the pain, so that I could truly learn from this lesson. I hope that with my healthy habits that I can continue to live a medication free life.

My Divorce is Final Next Month

A few months ago, my wife sent me an email to let me know she was dating someone already. I can't begin to describe how painful it is to have someone you love more than life itself, telling you that not only do they not want to be with you anymore, but they've already moved on.

I'll never forget looking into her eyes on our wedding day, and promising to love her forever. I'll always have a special place for her in my heart. I understand that she's angry with me, but I forgive her, and I hope that someday she can forgive me too.

This has been the single most painful experience of my life. I am so sorry for the way I treated her, and I will forever have to live with the fact that I didn't do enough to save my marriage, and that she left me at a time when I needed her most. My divorce is the best thing that ever happened to me because it's given me a chance to look introspectively, defeat my alcohol addiction, and get physically healthy. It's the worst thing that's ever happened to me, because I love my wife and I wish so badly that I could have worked things out with her.

If you're thinking of divorce, I would ask that you do your best to try counseling, and take it very seriously. If you're suffering from mental health or addiction issues, there are resources available. There may still be time for you to save your marriage, and a lot of heartache. Best wishes.

Questions & Answers

    © 2017 MattyJ9999


      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment
      • profile image


        4 months ago

        "I can't begin to describe how painful it is to have someone you love more than life itself, telling you that not only do they not want to be with you anymore, but they've already moved on."

        I know the exact feeling. Indescribable pain and devastation


      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, letterpile.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://letterpile.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)