What Not to Be

Updated on January 23, 2018
DesuKitsune profile image

Professional freelance artist & writer for many years. Experienced in many different writing styles & topics. Available for hire.

Blood doesn't define family...

A small peak into some of the things that have happened in my life, sharing life experiences and advice for when something goes in this very interesting direction like mine has.

Hopefully we can come to an understanding and share our lives together in the form of words...

The Cliff
The Cliff | Source

Loneliness isn't necessary, don't fight anything alone

Do you ever feel like you're on the edge? Ready to jump off a cliff? You're not alone! No one is truly alone, we just feel that way due to the lack of ability to share our feelings with others without judgement. We live in a very judgemental and nosy society and that makes it hard to feel comfortable enough in our own skin to share life experiences with others. I'm guilty of this myself. I've become more and more of a hermit over the years even though everything in me wishes to be free; to not worry about what I need to do or feel without repercussions. Let me be clear, it's not that I worry about what others think about me. It's more-so that I worry about what horrible thing may happen to someone I care about. There are so few people that I can genuinely care about.

Today I'm breaking that seal, I'm ending the need to hide inside of my shell and not take any action. Today I'm hoping that maybe someone is going through the same things I've gone through in my life and that this will help them. I'd much rather the world be filled with happiness as well as acceptance...but lets face it, it's not and it may never be. There's death and sorrow happening every day, everywhere and most people need a shoulder to lean on or an ear to whisper into. I'm here to provide that shoulder or that ear through all my life experiences.

Don't lose yourself

You're going to be okay! Just breathe! No one is perfect, nothing is going to go right the first time, and sometimes you're going to make a bunch of mistakes.

No family is perfect, but that's why there's time apart. Try to be understanding and reflect more-so on your handling the situation rather than theirs. Even though someone may act like and ignorant fool doesn't mean you should reply with the same. Try to keep a level head despite things that may be going wrong.

From the beginning....

When I was a child, I didn't get to grow up slowly like most children. It was take care of yourself or don't survive at all. My neighborhood was rough (there were drugs and lots of violence), I had no real friends, and my family life was terrible overall. School was always something I looked forward to though, my place of solace. My temple. This was simply because I could distract myself with learning things I didn't know, I could read until my eyes hurt and I could be somewhat alone, not bothered by terrible things going on my life.

We were poor, there was mental/physical abuse, and we were always to blame.... My parents both worked very long days, but despite that we could still never afford things needed to survive and because of this there was much tension always near, waiting to surface. Looming over our household. My father had two boys from a previous marriage and my mother had given away all of her other children and kept me for reasons unknown. She was constantly confirming the false feelings she had towards any of us. She was a showman in front of company and other adults, it was always something I cringed when I saw. How easily people could be fooled by the front put on. I don't honestly believe she wanted to be a mother. Not only because of the fact that she had given away a few children that she had birthed from other people, but because of the horrible things she said/did to myself and my two half-brothers. My father was a trucker for the majority of my our lives so he wasn't around much (he hauled all over the U.S long-term). There isn't much to say about him, just that he believed every lie my mother told him and still does to this day. Which, naturally, bothered me, but I didn't blame him for that.

I remember many days of hiding in the yard, hiding in the woods or attempting to talk my teachers into letting me stay after school because I just didn't want to go home. I got asked a lot by my teachers in elementary school why I always tried to stay at school, but I never gave them a direct answer. They knew though, they knew everything. I had very kind teachers though, they never brought it up during parent/teacher days at my school. Many days my teachers would buy me a lunch because they saw I wasn't eating (again) or they'd bring an extra sandwich in their lunch for me. I was always grateful of their acts of kindness and it's something I remember fondly. Instead of recalling the bad things during that time.

I can't say that I harbor too much anger over everything that was done, because it wouldn't do much good. Instead I always made an attempt to put that energy into bettering myself and educating myself. Anything that I could get my hands on to do arts and crafts I have attempted to do over the years. I never wanted to go the path that my parents did when they were younger and that my brothers eventually went down. It's not a pretty road and it doesn't do anything productive. Doing drugs or drinking excessively isn't going to change what happened to you. It's just going to highlight the terrible. I didn't want to be a statistic and I swore to myself that I never would be.

Instead of following a negative path I choose to be above where I came from and not give a hint to where I've come from unless absolutely necessary...

Don't let them get you down
Don't let them get you down | Source

Moving forward...

When faced with adversity and stress think of ways to flip the situation. Don't let someone else tell you who you have to be just because of where or what you came from. I keep my experiences more subtle for now with having to go into great details...for now. As this is just the beginning. I want you to understand where I'm coming from, understand that I'm here for you and I welcome you to share your stories with me. Judgement free.

I believe in equality for all, happiness for all, and identifying as what you feel comfortable as. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, don't focus on trying to change their feelings, just accept that they're different and distance yourself from their negativity. Don't let anyone take away your inspiration, your sparkle. At the end of the day, you have to love you before anyone can love you like you deserve. We all definitely deserve to be loved.

I thank you all very much for reading my article and I hope that you wish to continue reading everything that I post. I appreciate you, more than you will ever know. This story will be continued as mine is still being written every single day.

Questions & Answers

    © 2018 Jessica

    Your thoughts:

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      No comments yet.


      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, letterpile.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://letterpile.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)