As a Psychology graduate, CBT facilitator and Coach, I can offer an alternative perspective that you shape your decisions forever.
We've all wondered what it is that lies behind the glowing array of colours like molten lava moving through 17 degrees of atmosphere changing colours and density as it passes through a midnight sky, teasing us to ask the question of where it's headed. We know how shooting stars magnificently burst across the skies and we know why the sun provides us with light and allows us to live the life we love. But there is so much we don't know. The mystery of life, where we came from, when it will end, if it will end, what our purpose is, is one many philosophers and lay men have puzzled over and never had enough evidence to tell the rest of the world the full story. It is the story with no beginning, no middle and no ending. Well at least as characters in the book we do not have the privilege of knowing the whole story. Does that mean that we are simply entertainment for someone else's enjoyment? Could the earth we live in or the solar system that surrounds us, simply be a child's toy or indeed, as some people would argue, a scientific experiment? Perhaps they don't have books or TVs and enjoy watching us fight wars and find love as their evening hobby?
And in reality, does it really matter what happens somewhere we can’t see, touch or feel? Perhaps what matters more is what’s happening now, or more importantly how we are constructing our reality. How we perceive the world is our only truth and everyone’s truth is different. So don’t feel bad if you’re indecisive or confused, and are reaching 40 and still don’t know what you want to to when you grow up. You’re actually more realistic and closer to the heart and soul of reality than your decisive friends. They are following beliefs, believing that the most wonderful achievement is to become an investment manager or a surgeon, or believe in Christianity and the Holy Ghost or Islam and the Koran. Whatever the belief or dedication, it is their personal truth and one they find fits with their comfortable sense of reality.
Some of us don’t need to follow a belief, seek that perfect job, large house or 2.4 children. Some of us are actually quite content in who we are and don’t really need anything. But if someone were to ask you what you want to do when you grow up would you be able to answer ‘I don’t know and I don’t care. I’m happy as I am and will make it work somehow’?
These days what you do for work is your identity and status in life, not how good a hunger gatherer or farmer you are, like in the beginning of humanity. Now the label is more important than being able to meet our fundamental needs for survival and life’s wonders. The world is before us sprawled out in a large mass of glorious colour and smells, and we imprison ourselves in climate controlled cubicles and open plan offices occasionally peering out the window to remember what daylight looks like.
We wonder why we die more of cancers and heart disease and traffic accidents than any other cause. Its true that modern hygiene practices, sanitation, societal control and medical innovation and security have enabled us to live longer into our 80s. But there’s a price to pay. The privileged modern world has become risk-averse, sedentary, hedonistic, spoiled, and in turn, lost a sense of true reality.
We don’t understand our purpose, appreciate the love around us, or see the wood for the trees. We are blind, always searching for something; that promotion, a bigger house, a thinner body, a lottery win, and we fail to open our eyes and take a good look around us. Whether we live on a derelict council estate or a country estate in rural England, there is passion and love everywhere. Even in anger and war there is love; love for their wife, love for their country, love for their sense of comfort. Love is the core of fear, and it is the fear that causes destruction. We don’t want to lose what we love and so we try to control it. And when we can’t, we become angry.
So the next time you watch an incident of road rage with anxious trepidation look for the love and not the anger, and use it to mend bridges and reassure their fear with comfort and appreciation.
Now I’m not suggesting we should try to resolve every argument and risk our personal safety in order to help others; that’s your personal choice. What I am saying is that if we all saw 10% more love in the world around us every day the world would be 10% more of an enjoyable and friendly place to live. 10% may not sound like a lot but it’s something you can control and today, without relying on anyone else. You could be 10% happier without getting an A in your exams, getting that bonus, meeting that man, getting pregnant. You could be 10% happier all on your own.
How? You may ask? Simple. Open your eyes, see the love and you will feel the compassion.
I wonder, if we all did this, whether we would also benefit from less incidence of cancer, heart disease, endometriosis, diabetes, irritable bowel syndrome, liver disease, kidney failure, drug and alcohol abuse, divorce and suicide. If our teenagers spent 10% more of their time caring more for their personal wellbeing and joined a tennis team or expressed themselves through their love of art of music, rather than shitting it over their A level results, we may have 95 more of them in the UK every year. That’s an average of 7,777 years lost based on them having lived for 82 years.
So where do they go when their lives are lost? Some people believe they are reborn in the form of another human being, some as another animal, and some believe when they’re gone they’re gone. Is it worth worrying about? The only time we will possibly be able to answer that question is when we have left the building ourselves departed the world as we know it.
Perhaps it’s better to worry about what’s in our back yard, on your kid’s mobile phone, staring at you in the face than if’s, but’s and maybe’s.
Perhaps it’s better to smile and enjoy what you have today rather than worry about tomorrow. Tomorrow will work itself out, somehow, especially if we have been witness to and given 10% more love today.
This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional.
© 2019 crocuscosette