What Do Thieves Talk About?

Updated on February 10, 2018
kenneth avery profile image

I was born in the south. I live in the south and will die in the south. This is only a small part of the memories I share.

There are many ways to rob, steal, and even make a career out of thieving. But the most-successful of these law breakers are retired and living in an obscure abode in Sweden. If I had been brought up to steal things and unload them to a "fence" I would live as obscurely as possible No one appreciates a person who sparkles everywhere he goes. That's what I've read. And while you are picking up obscure homes in the Alps, another axiom of thieving is the best thief is one you just met. Think on this.

 Masked man threatens a private citizen. This photo has to be a classic.
Masked man threatens a private citizen. This photo has to be a classic. | Source

And While You're

thinking about how living on the run, changing your name and appearance, and knowing in your heart that although you are very wealthy, "that" day is looming. "That" day when the next knock on your door just might be two guys from Scotland Yard, the F.B.I. and local authorities.

I am not in any way, endorsing, promoting, or actually helping you to be a successful thief. I do not have the nerve, guts, or intelligence to steal from someone. I know the number one excuse: oh, no matter what I've stolen, the insurance company will pay for it. You are stupid enough to think that stealing is a win, win situation. I have one word for you: don't.

I also know of yet another thing that's been thrown around: everyone's stealing. Why can't I? Well, most of that "everyone" will get away with the crime for a while, but most thieves will tell you that if they continue their law-breaking life, sooner or later, they make a mistake. And then it's too late. No matter of plea bargain will help them now. My main concern is that "these" thieves were successful. The family who the thief robbed was gone out of town and the homeowner's insurance policy paid them for what the thief took, so why didn't they hide what they stole or fence it and put the money into an IRA? Greed. Attempted to steal again, but there is another old saying: you went too many times to the well for a drink. No explanation needed.

Until these words, I counted 335 words in this commentary and did not bring up the "real" topic of this commentary. I am going to tell you. I would like to ask you something and I want a straight answer: what do thieves talk about? Have you ever put any thought to that question? I mean, thieves, no matter how amateur, slick, or plain down sloppy, talk to each other. Don't they? That's what I am trying to figure out.

Let's use one example. Me, will that work? Okay. I manage, with enough planning and good, sound thinking, get away with $2.5,000,000,000.00 worth of vintage jewelry and paintings. Then I go my "middle man" and let him look it over and he hands me the cash that he thinks my jewelry and paintings are worth and I shake hands with him and we part ways.

I hide (along with the money) and stay out of the public eye for a long time. Then slowly and surely, I get to going to my local Walmart to go shopping. Oh, before I tell you, the jewelry and paintings are all from France. You look surprised, but don't. It's my fantasy, so let me go.

In about three years, I do some negotiating with a banker friend of mine and we settle on a rate and amount of IRAs that will help me when I retire. But I do not take the entire amount of the theft to the bank. Just enough that I can say, "I had this cash at the house," and I did. But only enough for two IRAs. The rest is hidden so good that even I would find it tough to find it.

Now, with the bank selling me two IRAs and the other $2.25, 000,000,000.00 (in unmarked bills) are hidden away safely . . .what else do I do? I know that I cannot keep going to the secret place and lay around in my money--you see, my wife doesn't know about my Life After Dark (my flying to France and all of that stuff) and my "fence" and money all hidden away safely . . .so I just live my life?

That's correct. I just live my life. Relax myself, mind included, and things will be fine. Smile a friendly smile at each stranger I meet. Be friendly. And when it comes to talking, I should be on the ready for people who ask me for an opinion. Those places can be sticky. I mean. I am having coffee in a shopping mall all by myself--not bothering anyone, not even the dangerous gang members who are grouping in a big circle yakking and yapping profanities. I remain steady and way below the radar. I start to thinking that if I can be steady with a gang beginning to rumble, then "that" event that only I know about will not be a problem.

Then my wife's relatives drop in--a sister and a brother-in-law, an uncle and an aunt, please tell me what do I talk about with her sister, brother-in-law uncle and aunt? I am not that versed in small talk. And what if my wife's younger sister and brother-in-law drop in and he is a freak about watching CNN, and is bound to ask if I seen the "breaking news" about $2.5 million worth of jewels and paintings being stolen and no clues are found. Not even Scotland Yard. I'm telling you. He is a News Freak.

My brother-in-law loves to talk. And he loves those Conspiracy Theories--the talk and documentaries about JFK's assassination. He could talk two weeks on that one event. So if the brings up "someone" the detectives uncovered on the jewelry store's security camera and the ones from a certain museum where "someone" stole a few master paintings--and my brother-in-law remarks that my backside looks a whole lot like me.

What on earth am I going to go when that happens?

To take the wind out of his sails, I will tell him, sure. I did it. I flew on Delta Airlines a few nights ago when I told Pam I was going to eat with a buddy of mine who just happened to have the tools hat a cat burglar used and when my buddy and I got to France, (we had a great plan), we lifted enough jewelry and paintings to set us up for life. No work work for us.

Then to show us all how smart he is, he will reply, you don't work now!

Then I will say, see what I mean?


Regular thieving.
Regular thieving. | Source

Questions & Answers

    © 2018 Kenneth Avery

    Comments

      0 of 8192 characters used
      Post Comment

      No comments yet.

      working

      This website uses cookies

      As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, letterpile.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

      For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://letterpile.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

      Show Details
      Necessary
      HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
      LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
      Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
      AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
      HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
      Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
      CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
      Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
      Features
      Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
      Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
      Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
      PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
      MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
      Marketing
      Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
      Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
      Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
      Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
      Statistics
      Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
      ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
      Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)