Was it Really Smart to Invent a Camouflaged Duck Call?
This Introduction Stands
for being (in my opinion) the warmest, most-tolerant, and understanding piece of writing to ever come from my tired old fingertips. I am not writing this to be understood as a sob story for anyone's benefit, but to open wide a very big vent that I knew would blow open, but not this soon. So with that nugget of deep insight, I shall continue with this hub that I think deems itself to be worthy of some sort of award. Thanks to all. Kenneth
A hub of this nature stands tall in design while making a few solid, stern points and to add the flavorsome ingredient of levity to make this hub go down without a chaser, I have chosen a question or two make it all worthwhile. I hope that you will not try to cope with this work, but enjoy it.
And while I would love to label this hub a narrative because some friendly voice told me that my hubs were more of a blog instead of a hub that didn't have a "how to or how not to"do something, so with that healthy bit of criticism, I am crossing "that" bridge momentarily.
The Quaint Name
of this hub is: Was it Really Smart to Invent a Camouflaged Duck Call, and a serious question in this time of slack tolerance and little detail is seldom paid to even the most-lovable and needed things in our lives. But a camouflaged duck call? Seriously? I have to ask it: what next, a camouflaged toilet seat for the eccentrics who have everything?
With the camouflaged duck call that is being sold like hot cakes, the term, camouflage treks way down the trail to my senior year of high school, 1972, when the Vietnam Conflict was trying to wind down, so the last remaining anti-war types, the hippy survivors, started, as a last-ditch effort to stop the sausage grinder (Vietnam) by donning Army surplus shirts, khaki trousers and even Army blankets and duffle bags to carry their various bags of hallucinogenic chemicals and that good old stand-by, "Weed," the drug of choice of anti-Vietnam rebels in the USA. Now look at us. We are almost touting each of our 50 states to (gulp) legalize "Weed," which was the base herb that inspired the late Hoyt Axton to pen "The Pusher" and recorded by John Kay and Steppenwolf. Ahhh, good old days.
If we aren't careful, we might wake-up one sunny morning to hear CNN's Lou Dobbs telling us about Breaking News about some wealthy "weed" farmer in Colorado now manufacturing camouflaged "weed" pipes for those game hunters who say that they are going deer hunting, but only carrying those psychedelic "weed" machines painted in gray and green colors that will remind every Vietnam vet to ask himself, was it worth it? I predict that camouflaged bongs will soon be the rage of the ages and those states with legalized "weed" will rake in bumper crops (no pun intended) of tax revenue all because of a camouflaged design that looks far out.
If You are a He-Man Living on High-Levels of Testosterone
here are the things you shouldn't do if you are also a duck hunter who has given in to buying one of those duck calls that the salesman said, they just come in pink, then pay attention.
Do not start showing off your pink duck call in front of your he-man buddies because they might not appreciate your choice of colors and will make light of you. You know that most men love to laugh at the misfortune of other men, so if you buy a pink duck call, keep it away from these guys.
Always carry a conventional duck call and when you are in a duck blind sitting quietly ready to shoot a few Mallard's because if you love using your pink duck call, you might as well hunt duck all by yourself. That is unless you have a buddy whose main characteristic is understanding and will not gig you about the pink duck call.
So what if you are a man who loved the pink duck call? It's your life, so learn to be a loner--one who follows his own pathway in life. And so what if your male buddies get wind of your pink duck call and start rumors around your hometown about you "not" being all man by liking a pink duck call. Use the pink duck call. Be happy in your duck blind--no matter if it is pink.
I'd say that the most-serious piece of something "not" to do if you are a full-blown duck hunter who owns a duck call with the colors of Sea Breeze mixed with Topaz and your camouflaged bong that you carry along to pass the time while you are waiting to bag a few Mallard's when they land in the lake that you own thanks to you having the foresight to having a talented duck decoy designer make you a few hand-made and painted decoys painted in a camouflaged color to cause the ducks to be captivated by these weird color schemes so you can get your limit before dark. Be careful as to not smoke so much of your "weed" in your camouflaged bong that you forget that the specially-painted decoys are real Mallards and you empty your Mossberg shotgun only to take home a bag of splinters. Abusing "weed" can lead to you being kicked-out of Ducks Unlimited.
If You are a Quiet, Sensitive Man Living on Health Foods
that you grow in your greenhouse here are the things you should do if you are also a duck hunter who has given in to buying one of those duck calls that the salesman said, they just come in pink, then pay attention.
By all means, color does not make the duck call work any better than a duck call with a regular color. It's all about schematics. And while you may be the identical twin of the late Fred ("Mister) Rogers, you will find plenty of male jerks with lots of prejudice and have one narrow mind. Enjoy whatever color of duck call you please.
If a few of your male friends do start joshing you about your purple and red hunting clothes, grin and be proud that you live in America and you are also a free American who chose to buy these hunting clothes with outlandish colors.
You know that in your campaign to be sensitive, understanding, and have learned the value of being your own man, there will come a time when some other male who loves hard liquor and is jealous at you having more female friends than this narrow-minded man has, look out! You and this man are on a wide-open, head-on collision course for problems. Why? The man who loves to drink his whiskey and make fun of men like you cannot stand you and nothing would suit him better than to embarrass you in public, so if and when this happens, do this: agree with whatever the lug says to you. And apologize to him for whatever lie is trying to get people to believe about you. If all of this fails, offer him your valuable duck call that has a soft aqua color and tell him that he can have it. And if he takes your valuable duck call and crumbles it into dust, let him beat you to the ground . . .there are plenty of lawyers in 2018 who would love to have you as a client.
And with that massive lawsuit that your lawyer won for you, you will be able to buy as many multi-colored duck calls as you please . . .
Just as soon as you get out of the hospital and that full-body cast.
© 2018 Kenneth Avery