A Child of Adoption
As a child of adoption, I guess you could say I may be somewhat of an expert on the topic. In truth I am just an expert on my experience of adoption alone. Everyone experiences it differently and their view may be completely different from mine. I guess you could say I am lucky for the way mine worked out.
I know that adoption can be a very ugly time for some and they never really over come the struggles that they experienced from it. For others it's life saving and monumental in their growth and outlook on life. I think for me it was somewhat in the middle, but more towards the good side I suppose.
You see I was adopted at the age of two by my maternal grandmother. From what I have been told by my grandmother (who I call mom) I was born to my birth mother at a young age, she was maybe fifteen or sixteen at the time I was born. She was excited for my birth and a very good mother from what I gather, but was dating a man whom she later married and is still married too. My grandmother tells me the man that my biological mother is married to is not my birth father, but is the father of two of my sisters and one brother. I was fathered by a different man who I also have three sisters and a brother through. From what has been revealed to me by my adoptive mother is that the man my birth mother was dating and later married was/is very controlling and maybe even emotionally abusive to my birth mother. Due to me not being his biological child he was physically abusive to me and my birth mother I guess really somewhat allowed it due to what she her self was going through. Not really sure of all the details but what I am sure of is as follows.
- My birth mother has 3 children that she did raise that were not taken or gave up.
- My birth father is not the man my mother is married to
- In total I have 5 sisters and 2 brothers that where raised by either my birth mother or my birth father.
- My birth mother knows my whereabouts and has only attempted to see me once and shortly moved away after meeting me and did not tell me where she moved to (I know where she is now)
- My birth father keeps in touch periodically and has obviously been in the back ground for most of my life.
- My children have no knowledge of there biological grandmother and she has never seen or met them.
- My biological mother and her husband did do jail time for my abuse.
- I have been told different stories at different times by different people and I do not know the real truth about anything and may never.
Now from two years old after my adoption was final I can remember having a pretty decent child hood. There were of course things that happened like my adoptive mom and dad got a divorce when I was 9. My adoptive dad also had a bit of a temper and was not always the best dad especially after the divorce. He also pretty much dropped all contact with me by the time I had turned 18 and had my first child. That had some negative affects on me. My adoptive mother also had a chronic co-dependency issue when it came to men and now has one with me. She is also a very passive aggressive person with slight control issues. These things also had some negative affects on me. All in all though I can remember I always had everything I ever needed and most of what I wanted. Some may even say I was some what spoiled and to a degree I was.
Now that I am 32 years old and have children of my own, I can look back and see the affects that adoption, abuse and other things had on me. It has really shaped me into the person I am today and I can say that I am really glad that I have had the experiences that I have. I did become an addict to deal with mental health issues I have, such as anxiety, depression, abandonment issues and maybe some daddy issues in there too. I am sure there is more to my mental health, but it all hasn't been diagnosed and I really don't have a need at this time for it to be diagnosed. I am in recovery now, just in case anyone is wondering. It has caused me to seek out toxic relationships with men in the past and accept abuse as something I deserved at the time. You know what though? It has also thought me how to forgive, to take no shit, and brought me over time to a place of understanding. I now try to put my self in peoples shoes before I turn to judging them. I have had an amazing journey of self discovery. That journey is still not over. It has affected the way I parent and caused me to be more aware of who I am as a mother and as a person in general.
Over all I feel like adoption is a needed avenue. I feel it has positive and negative consequences to everyone involved. I feel some experiences with it are better than others, but in the end its really what you make of it. All negatives can be turned into positives and vise versa.
So if you are looking into adoption, do it. There are plenty of kids out there looking for love. Its not all going to be a bed of roses and there will be trials and tribulations, but it can be completely worth while and maybe even change your life and outlook on a lot of different things. I know as a child of adoption it has really shaped me for the better.
© 2018 Britney Wolfe