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Very Simply Put, a Few Useless Things

Kenneth Avery is a Southern humorist with well over a thousand fans. The charm and wit in his writing span a nearly a decade.

Is the wording on the door really needed?

Is the wording on the door really needed?

Stephen King, the “Master of Fearful Books and Films,” wrote the very successful film, “Needful Things” released in 1993. I enjoyed the film very much. What suspenseful twists and turns in the screenplay. It’s no wonder why King is so talented, popular, and oh, yes, wealthy.

So as my answer to his film, I am proud to present “Useless Things,” as the wording in my headline implies. And they are. Needless. Of no use whatsoever. You may have some or seen a few that you have seen every day of your life and one day you asked, why? Of course, you asked this question to yourself because you are a wise, respectful person who is not going to be accused of being a rebel.

I am not going to get into my text that deeply. I believe that in 2022, people had rather much look at pictures and read very little about them. That is what we get for a lives that are lived too swiftly.

My first offering is the photo above. This is a very official state-owned and operated vehicle. The man or woman who drives this vehicle is a professional crime-fighter. Not in the Batman sense but watching out for us innocent citizens who have no recourse than to be in public heading to work or taking our wives or dates to our favorite restaurant.

What does this have to do with the official state trooper car? Just one thing. Look closely on the doors of this car. Do you see the wording, or something near that, that says, “State Trooper?” Okay. I beg to ask why the words state trooper needs to be on the doors anyway? There is already a loud siren who scares most criminals. And a menacing police officer who does not run from danger since he is wearing official state trooper colors.

Just imagine for a moment just how much cash the state troopers and municipal law departments would save if they chose to not put the redundant words, state trooper or sheriff’s dept., on the side of the doors? These law enforcement agencies would make a huge yearly profit if they only did as the F.B.I. agents do and NOT have wording on their cars. Right? Have I made sense?

Ever know of a manager receiving the MVP?

Ever know of a manager receiving the MVP?

Team managers. Let’s talk about them. They come in various ages. Female and male. But do not kid yourself. These prompt teenage team managers do fulfill their purposes. I just cannot find it. My fault. You and I have seen these young team workers who trot-out when their team takes time-out and offers the team some cool drink to keep them hydrated. They do this and other sundry things.

I hate to be so blunt, but again I just have to ask why? And can these teams, both professional and amateur, perform their team duties without the managers? Just a hypothetical idea, but I just wanted to get your input.

Some team managers take care of the team’s equipment. The managers clean and spruce-up helmets, pads, and so forth. But now that I am ending these thoughts, I have to tell you that although I do think that the teams could survive, just how sad it is for the team to win a State or National Championship and receive NO credit! This suck. I have watched various pro and amateur teams of most spots visit the White House to be congratulated by the current sitting President, who stands and clips those gorgeous winning ribbons on the neck of the recipient. But I have never seen any manager who worked with the season-long gridiron battles performing their thankless jobs and NEVER received one winning ribbon. So this tells me that the various managers of all types of teams and go on strike.

Isn't this cheerleader's beauty enough without pom pons?

Isn't this cheerleader's beauty enough without pom pons?

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This content reflects the personal opinions of the author. It is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and should not be substituted for impartial fact or advice in legal, political, or personal matters.

© 2022 Kenneth Avery