Am I forever cursed to be haunted by the ghosts of my past? How do I gain control of my mind or indeed, do I need to be in control? I need to let go.
If only I could filter my thoughts, I would be able to unlock the secrets of my mind. I could use my brain as a tool as opposed to my mind pulling the strings of my intent; my intent! Akin to the puppet like society surrounding me, which I am acutely conscious of.
The longer I linger in the abysmal and obscure depths of ambiguity the greater the uncertainty of my future becomes. I’m afraid. Scared the expectations I set for myself in this lifetime are too high. But I refuse to settle for any less.
Will I accomplish everything I plan or will my life end alone, surrounded by sadness and disappointment like many others? I can’t seem to grasp what is holding me in this state of mind. I long to be freed of this nightmarish reality! My fantasies lead me to a time when I am taken away to a place where I find bliss within my peaceful loneliness.
The world tells me if I am alone, I must be lonely Therefore I am. This concept destroys me every day, I interact with other humans to distract myself from the mess that relentlessly occupies my mind.
I’m so close I can feel it. But what am I close too? What is it I need from life? Do I need more than to just purely exist?
Society tells me that I need to achieve their standards of self-worth in order to be worthy. Is the repulsion I feel at such an idea enough for me to break free to set and live by my own precedent?
The unknown is frightening and I am anxious this fear may drive me further into the pits of my insane solitude. How will I ever break free? Can I learn to perceive beyond the ego of my observance and dive into the superior complexities of consciousness to conquer awareness of the realm?
I persistently strive to continuously grow my thinking beyond myself. But the questions are endless and my mind never rests. Is this a curse or am I blessed? I beg forgiveness for my actions because I never meant any harm, I just don’t know why I’m here.
What do I want to do with my life force energy during my short time on earth, where will this life take me and what change do I wish to see?
What values drive me? What inspires me? What do I consider right? What do I consider wrong? The answers I pursue are close, I can sense it.
I am empathetic to all of the world’s pain. Its spine crushing weight bearing down on my shoulder blades, across my neck and radiating through my arms only amplifies the drag of earth’s gravity.
But I will rise above my own inhibitions and realise another day, fighting smarter and stronger than the last. My strength is drawn from the core of my existence, from the universe I was created and the earth guides me in the direction I am destined to follow.
This is where I belong right now, this is where I am meant to be and when I start to fulfil my destiny. I made a promise to myself today, to never return to the negative state of mind previously dwelled in.
The fear inside my mind is fading and I feel comfort in the shade of the trees for they are everything I wish to be. I steal energy from the sun and become powerful in all its glory! I embrace all the deep blue ocean has to offer in aiding the healing of my soul.
I am grateful for every second I have on this earth, my life is a gift and I intend to share my discoveries with the entirety of humanity someday. Every day I give thanks to the universe for the life I have lived and will continue to live in many years to come.
I will persevere no matter what obstacles may attempt to throw me of course. I can do everything and anything my heart desires and I will accomplish my goals.
I am powerful, I am me and I am here.