Top Ten Reasons Why I Love My Daughter Even Though She's A Lesbian
Top Ten Reasons I Love My Daughter-- No Matter What
I grew up in a family – well, community – where being gay was a worse sin that being a drug addict, thief or violent person. If the topic of GLBT came up, all I heard was that they were sick, perverted, sinful, against God, going to hell and a lot of other nasty stuff. So this article is hard for me to write.
It’s not hard to write this because of my daughter; it’s hard to write because of all the people who would condemn her. It’s hard to write because of all the people who don’t believe she deserves the same basic, human rights as they do because of who she loves. It’s hard for me to write because of all the buttheads out there who think we’re bad parents for loving our child and accepting her for who she is. It’s hard for me to write because of the LGBT people I have met who have told me stories about what they’ve gone through—what strangers who don’t even know them have put them through, and what their own families have said and done to them.
It breaks my heart that anyone would have the audacity to think that my daughter doesn’t deserve my love and understanding and acceptance. I tell you emphatically: she does. Here are my top 10 reasons.
10) No Pregnancy Scares
While many parents are up pacing the floor if their daughter is out late on a date, or getting serious with a boy at a young age, my hubby and I can rest our heads easy on our pillows. My daughter won’t be getting pregnant until (if) the time comes that she’s fully prepared for it. I know that if she (or her partner/wife of the future) ever decides to give me grandkids, they will be prepared and settled, ready and very willing to be parents, and will have thought it out very carefully.
That’s one load off a parent’s mind!
9) Her Girlfriend is a Sweet Kid
She’s been with her current girlfriend for almost 2 years now, and she is another sweet, smart and good-hearted kid. They’ve got a lot in common. They never run out of things to talk about, they’re always making each other laugh. I see the love between them when I look at them. They’re taking things slow, but if it works out for them I’ll be delighted— all I’ve ever wanted for my daughter is for her to live a good, honest life filled with love and happiness. It seems she has that, so how can I ask her to throw it away just because some people might not approve?
Love is Love
8) Because I Saw It Coming
My daughter told me at age 14 that she thought she was a lesbian or bisexual (having never even dated or kissed anyone, she wasn't even really sure at the time—she just knew she liked girls). She was surprised that I took it so calmly. I just hugged her and told her, “It’s okay, honey. We love you no matter what.”
The truth is, I’d had about 7 or 8 years to get used to the idea. I suspected it from the time she was about 6 or 7. She had little friends who were both boys and girls. Once in a while, she just seemed to like a little girl on a whole other level. It dawned on me back then—this was more than friendship; this was a crush. She never seemed to get these kinds of crushes on boys, only on girls.
At 9 and 10 years old, and started getting into music and celebrities, she’d put up posters of the boy bands and teen heartthrob actors on her walls like all her friends. With her friends she’d giggle and scream and talk about how cute the guys were. But the ones she really obsessed over, especially when her friends went home, were the female performers.
At that young age I don’t know how much she knew and was afraid to say it, or if she was just confused about her feelings. She tried to pull it off as though she idolized female performers because she thought they were cool—but she practically drooled over them the way me and my friends drooled over David Cassidy.
She must have watched Spice World about 600 times in one year. It wasn't that good a movie.
7) Because I Could Never Cause Her the Pain of Rejecting Her
Statistics say that there is a high level of suicide and suicide attempts in the GLBT community. They say there is a higher risk of problems like depression, anxiety, alcoholism and substance abuse problems. Some people try to use these studies as ‘proof’ that being gay is ‘unhealthy’ or ‘dangerous’.
Hello!!? Have you talked to gay people? It’s fairly common for them to have had issues growing up with their sexuality for fear of what their parents or society would think. Many of them are treated badly by their family and community who sense something different about them. Once they come out of the closet, many suffer everything from discrimination, to degradation and humiliation, to being disowned and shunned by the people who are supposed to love them most!
Who the hell wouldn't be depressed living like that?
Imagine-- what feels like the most natural feelings in the world—an attraction to another human being, falling in love, wanting to be with the one you love – gets them treated like medieval lepers.
The LGBT community doesn't suffer more from these problems because of who they love or who they’re attracted to. They suffer more from these problems because of how they are treated by others and how they are made to feel about themselves.
The cure is not ‘deprogramming’ them— it’s to accept them.
This Is No Way To Live
6) Because If It Is a Choice, It's Not My Choice to Make
A lot of people will say being gay is a choice. Okay, let’s say it is. So what?
So what if two consenting adults choose to love each other? Our children are blessings, but they grow up and they have to be honest with themselves, and true to themselves. Sometimes they’re going to make choices we don’t like, or don’t agree with. With all the real problems in this world, there are bigger things to worry about than who is attracted to whom.
If you would use that as an excuse to deprive your child of love, then I feel it’s my duty to inform you: you’re wrong.
It Just Doesn't Matter
5) Because It’s Actually Not a Choice
Despite all the silly ‘it’s a choice’ arguments, which don’t matter because people are entitled to their own choices, the truth is that it’s just not a choice. It’s a proven, scientific fact that homosexuality is part of nature. It’s found in just about every species. It''s been part of humanity since the beginning (and was accepted until cultural shifts made it taboo). People attracted to the opposite sex can no more control those feelings than I could control being attracted to my husband. Like I said, I knew she was a lesbian before she even knew what sexuality was.
Oh, you can ask your gay loved ones to try to bury those feelings for you, sure—but at what expense? What kind of life is it to not be true to yourself, or to deny your nature? How can you really ask that of anyone, let alone of someone you love?
4) Because It's Not My Place to Judge Her
It doesn’t matter what anyone believes. It’s not my place to judge my daughter, her feelings or how she chooses to live her live as an adult.
It’s not your place to judge her, or anyone like her.
If a person’s sexual orientation, race, skin color, gender, etc. are what you think counts more than a person’s character or actions, then I judge you to be a bigoted fool.
No One Should Feel Ashamed for Their Feelings
3) Because If God Would Condemn Her For It, I Wouldn’t Worship Him
I don’t know if there’s a God or not to be honest… but if there is, there’s no way that this God would condemn people to Hell just for being gay. It would make no sense at all, it would be like condemning fish for swimming. There’s no way He would take an otherwise good person, whose only crime is loving someone else with the same genitalia, and let them suffer for an eternity.
If such a God existed, he has no compassion or love. He is cruel and evil and not worthy of worship. Any God who would condemn acts of love, but not acts of hatred and intolerance against people for who they love, I want no part of Him. You can keep Him.
But you know what? If you think there is a God like that—you’re wrong. You've been lied to. And if your scriptures or religious teachings say God would, then they’re false and you've been misled. You need to do some serious soul-searching because you’re not bringing anyone the love of God or salvation by being bigoted. Your beliefs are wrong, and as a result you are spreading pain and hatred throughout the world and making the world a more miserable place.
It's Only Love
2) Because It's Not Fair to Ask Her to Live a Lie for Me
I know a lot of parents don’t like the idea of their child being gay because they are afraid of how it reflects back on them. This is especially true if the parents belong to a bigoted religion or social circle who think it’s okay to condemn gay people for whatever reason.
But it’s not about the parent. My daughter’s feelings are not about me. Her life is not my own personal monument to myself— if I thought like that, it would be my ego speaking.
She’s a living, breathing human being with a soul and she has to follow what she thinks is the right thing to do. She has to live for herself, not for me. It would be petty and small-minded of me to ask her to live her life putting on a front for me just so I feel more comfortable or look more admirable to bigots.
1) Because She'll Always Be My Baby
About 25 years ago, I had a miracle growing inside of me. This little miracle is connected to me in a way that’s impossible to comprehend—she is as much a part of me as my own heart. I watched her come into this world and saw her grow into her own person. She is one of the most precious things on the planet to me.
I can’t imagine what it would take for me to disown her, to not offer my love and support to her. Well—maybe I’d understand how a parent could do that if a kid was like some Hitler figure, or killed her siblings or some drastic thing like that. But to treat her poorly for being a lesbian? Just for that?
What kind of a sick, loveless freak would I have to be to turn off my feelings for my baby, and throw my own child out of my life like that, or to try to make her feel guilt and self-loathing to the point where she’d hate herself? I'm not going to let fear and prejudice drive me to do something monstrous like that. She hasn't done anything to deserve that-- she's just being herself, and she's being honest with me about who she is. Not only do I accept that, but I respect it.
Your kid being GLBT is a lousy excuse to withdraw love and support from them. Don’t do it. Don’t let anyone convince you that you should.
She's My Girl
Mama on June 16, 2015:
You need to get a bible and read it
Jacqui from New Zealand on October 12, 2014:
MacsTop10....thank you for your measured response to Painful!....Much better than I think I would have managed!
Mackenzie Wright (author) from nowhere and everywhere on October 12, 2014:
Painful, I feel soooooooooo sorry for you for being brought up with a mindset that love and being true to one's feelings is 'sinful' like Hitler. I'll pray for you and that you are guided to find the compassion and perspective to find truth. Might be best to put off having kids until then, though. Hate to see you treat one like Hitler should one of them not end up having the thoughts and feelings you expected them to have. Good luck to you.
Painful on October 01, 2014:
I am sure Hitlers parents saw the same things in his sinful life too. Thanks for sharing.
Mackenzie Wright (author) from nowhere and everywhere on September 21, 2014:
To Keri: I really hope that things work out with you and your family because you deserve to be loved for who you are.
Keri Eichberger from West Des Moines, Iowa on September 20, 2014:
Thank you so much for writing this. I've known forever that I am gay but can't get myself to say it outloud. My uncle is gay and I know the way my family, especially my dad, feels about him. I don't know how my family would react...maybe they already know but haven't said anything to me. I've not come out to any family or friends, only my therapist. Right now she is the only one I feel is on my side. I've posted a few hubs on the subject secretly hoping that a family member or friend will stumble across it and I won't have to tell them.
Mackenzie Wright (author) from nowhere and everywhere on September 19, 2014:
Thank you both jlpark & Jazmin. My heart just breaks for the people I've talked to or stories I've heard about what some kids and adults go through when their parents don't accept them for their sexual orientation. It's so wrong, I can't be part of that-- no one who cares for their kid should be part of that. Thanks so much.
Jazmin Flores 13 on September 18, 2014:
I LOVED this, it made me cry. Beautiful, and I respect you for this (though it probably doesn't mean much cause im only 16). This Hub was awesome and inspiring. Parents like you are the best because you support your kids through the tough time. And I hope your daughter has an awesome life with her partner.
Jacqui from New Zealand on September 18, 2014:
Thank you for loving your daughter unconditionally. For thinking about what she might be going through and what you could do to help, particularly what you could do to prevent her being hurt and you being the cause.
If only all young (and old) gay people had parents like you, I know I did, and I was/am blessed because of it, but not all gay kids are so lucky.
So, from all of us (I'm gonna take the "I'll just speak for everyone today" route...I don't normally!) - THANK YOU.