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Thy Darkness Is My Light

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Stories are meant to be told & it is my mission to preach the most inspiring stories that will touch your heart.

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A chaotic environment toxifies a child’s mind cultivating cavernous hearts at the same time housing pain, suffering, and lonesomeness all at once.

Soon the child develops into a man. A man engraved with sorrows in his chest and an additional baggage of solitude weighed on his shoulders. The man eventually survives in all the means he could while actively find ways to escape from the surreal pain of poverty, scarcity, separation, and depression.

In order for the man not to end his life, he clings to the tiny spark on his soul igniting his spirit to keep fighting. So the man fights willfully the moment he found his refuge with music and spirituality.

The man I am talking about is Andy Riad Gothico. I will continue to write in the first person so you’ll feel like Andy is directly telling his story to you.


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Presegment: Background

I was born in poverty. My dad is an alcoholic bastard and physically abusive so my mother divorced him when I was six years-old. Witnessing chaos everyday is traumatic; it’s difficult to keep your sanity or even your confidence. I was shy and down all of the time.

Life’s horrendous for me and my sister; growing up in a house where scarcity dominates along with the continues anguish from toxic people around us. I thought we were abandoned by God or something who has power over us. It was real painful for us to face each day with the heavy load of tears in our eyes, loneliness in our hearts, and emptiness of our souls – both actually our stomachs were empty too. Life’s testing us to our limits.

I reside in Sfax Tunisia, a Muslim country which is an addition to my life’s disappointments because I didn’t like my family’s religion for I don’t agree with the practice but life goes on so I accepted it along the way.

Realizing that I am still living in poverty now agitates me more than anything. I am disappointed with myself for making poor decisions, dwelling in bad habits, and letting myself go for a long time.

Truth be told, I am still disappointed with where I’m at in life, but what keeps me going is the level of consciousness I reached for myself through the help of my Facebook friends especially to the closest of them; one of which is you.

Gothic and metal music helped me a lot especially with my depression and it’s seems hilarious to me that the mainstream audience hates these type of music. It’s because they don’t listen. The meaning of these songs are six feet deep and has healing powers.

I was engaged with Satanism. I read about spiritual satanism and a few books by Anton Szandor Lavey and it opened my eyes.

Journey Towards Liberation

When I was a teenager, I was real close with my cousin Linda. I use to carry her on my shoulders when she was six years-old and she made me feel like I’m her young father. Our relationship was founded early on in life and little did I know that it will grow into something big.

I remember lucidly when Linda turned 13, she asked me about ‘emo kids,' and when I did my research I was amused to witness that her characteristics are similar to those of the results I found in Google. Since that day, I think we found something agreeable and enjoyable at the same time. Two decades later, turned out I was right.

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Segment 1: Evolution With Music

My musical passion started with rap music. Eminem was always the loudest artist in that genre & his songs accompanied my youth. Aside from rap, I had a variety of songs to choose from like the 80’s music hits, jazz, blues and rock and roll. I am always fond of exploring new things.

Linda and I grew together by being creative, allowing ourselves to expand in all aspects of our lives and music helped us a lot. People like us are tough. We go through the tough times. Especially knowing where we came from, you’d be surprised that we’re still standing after the shit storm that we’ve been thru. In addition, we speak excellent English without paying a course for it. It’s all a product of our exploration and I’m proud of it.

Continuing with my musical journey, it all started when Linda & I took interest the idea of being an ‘emo kid’.

We started dressing up whilst lavishing their music and eventually as we explore further into the music world we found magnificent passion with hardcore rock and roll, then gothic and black metal.

The first band that I am very impressed with is Black Veil Brides and my favorite song by them is Perfect Weapon. It’s not just their music we are interested to, but how they appeal on the screen and in front of their audience. We love their costume & make up so we imitated those to test our creativity.

She applies make up on me after applying it to herself. Dressing up felt great. My heart is free and so is my spirit. I think it stands true for her too.

Although it’s a common impression from normal people to judge us, we stood firmly in our freedom while continuously strengthening our minds to never let any critic bring us down. Because we know we didn’t hurt nobody by expressing ourselves and I believe strongly that it’s enough reason to continue what we are doing.

Going back to my frabjous exploration of music. Since Black Veil Brides I leveled up to Marilyn Manson and black metal bands such as Behemoth, Dimmu Borgir, Cradle of Filth, Vader and my favorite band of all is Ghost.

These genres ushered me into a different realm where my depression and anguish automatically vanishes. It’s a form of escape and therapy. If only people understand, we’ll have a better world of acceptance rather than of hatred & judgment.


I am talking about higher level of consciousness, of awareness, and of passion which opens a vast genuinity of the heart, broad modesty of the soul, & the actuality of the entire being.

— Andy Gothico

Segment 2: Transition Thru Darkness

Later on in life as my discoveries enlarged I was inclined into Spiritual Satanism and it was fascinating. It’s as if I was reborn; my mind was renewed and so is my soul.

Satanism for most people sounds brutal and anything related to grotesque things we can name in the planet. However, this assumption is not true.

Let me just share my levels of understanding and the steps that I took so you can clearly comprehend with my point.

As my Facebook friends aroused in numbers, many of them shared the same interest as me and they introduced me to Satanism. They sent me all kind of available resources which I used to open a whole new perspective.

This realm is less traveled yet offers spacious opportunities for souls to reign. I have found my throne here; my kingdom along with my cousin’s not the average person’s ideal for it’s built with morals inspired from the knights of old ages.

If there’s something the world should know about spiritual Satanism it’s that our mind’s are illuminated with the truth based on the five dimensional state rather than of the three dimensional. When I say five dimensional, I am talking about higher level of consciousness, of awareness, and of passion which opens a vast genuinity of the heart, broad modesty of the soul, & the actuality of the entire being.

Now, the morals I’m talking about are as follows:

  • Authenticity. Acting towards something in our most genuine way.
  • Honesty. Speaking our truth as well as living it.
  • Bravery. Taking action despite the difficulties.
  • Unity. Nothing is achieved if one is without the other.
  • Clarity. Living with our purpose each day so we can live our lives to the fullest.

I’m so proud of this transition for without it I might not be here. People judge so easily about the things they know nothing of; they don’t even care to understand which causes them to say ugly things leaving the consideration of the other person’s feelings. It’s horrendous to take in too much unhealthy criticism. I hope everyone who’s struggling with depression like myself will be able to find their place and passion so it will prevent them from committing suicide or perhaps drug abuse.


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Segment 3: Transformation Of The Mind

Being poor, growing up with scarcity and the deprivation of love are toughest situations me and Linda was in and it’s the most brutal experience we had and our greatest teachers as well.

The solitary moments we spent at school or the monotony of our lives served as our stepping stone towards consciousness. It’s a magnificent achievement we had and I am pleased to share it with you & our audience.

I hope that people will cease judging other people because our journeys differ from one another & some are walking a tougher course to than we do. If we act from the kindness of our hearts we might be the reason for someone’s hope. Also, if we take the time to understand other people’s interest without criticizing them we won’t change the world but we can demonstrate acceptance.

Moreover, if we open our eyes to illumination we will operate from our most conscious self therefore we will be more authentic. Furthermore, I wish we’ll act based on our morals. In my case, I’d like to promote authenticity, honesty, bravery, unity, and clarity.


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Last Segment: After Thoughts

Our differences highlights our uniqueness. Every perspective brings a worthy ideal. Every music gives joy to various audience. Every religion or belief teaches kindness.

With that being said, I deeply wish that Andy inspired you to accept rather than degrade. To comprehend rather than judge and to be authentic rather than pretentious.


© 2022 Shing Araya

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