The Pain Behind the Pretty Smile

Updated on November 8, 2018
blessedp profile image

A faithful woman cheated on by the love of her life. But she overcame through God's grace.

He loves me, He loves me not

A Mouth Full of Lies

I married the love of my life over a decade after we broke up. Because he weaseled himself back into my life with a mouth or should I say a complete body full of lies. I bought every word that he spat out, how could I be so naive? I didn't logically reason things out but allowed my heart to be whisk away with his lies being whispered in my ears. Because I was single and vulnerable and I wanted to be married and settled down.

The Marriage

The first couple of months after marriage was great until the changes started. He was coming extremely late, working every single day, hiding his phone, phone always on silent, secretly texting, stop taking me out, etc.

My 6th sense kicked in and I couldn't rationalized what was going on. I got the password for his phone and My God! I was blown out of the water. I husband is a cheating son of xxxxx. I was torn and broken in so many pieces I gave up on life I couldn't go on. I confronted him and he denied everything and turned it on me. He is a Psycho, I have evidence and you are denying it. Good God help me!

All my hope and dream was taken from me because I made him my idol, I loved him more than I loved myself and the Great and Mighty God that created me. How could I sleep with a nasty sleaze ball like that; I scorned him, my stomach was disgusted of him. Kissing a man that was putting his mouth in God's know what out there and having sex with a man that chances are was filled with all kind of disease. And how I prayed and begged God to keep me sanctified from all the diseases and germs from this adulterous devil.

There were days I was so strong he couldn't come near me and there were days when my heart was weak for him. For the man I fell in love with and made a vow to before God and man. It went on like this for years and I hide the pain with my beautiful smile. No one knew until I reached rock bottom and I had to share. I had no smile only tears. I was stressed and became ill ever so often. Until I got a wake up call. I started praying asking God to drop his wrath on him but God thoughts and ways weren't like mine. Nothing happened to him. So, I changed my prayer and ask God to change me. I started loving me and my strength came back. My healing began, I pity him now more than how I hate him and I pray God to change him for all he has done to me. I love him with the love of God not as a woman to a man.

Now, he is still cheating. I know the women, I know everything and I just say hell with him, anything he wants to do let him continue.

I am loving me and I am doing me. And I am more beautiful more than ever. None of his hoes can ever walk near me or sweet as I am. I am full of God's grace and mercy and I wear it well. I am full of love and guess what I don't waste it on undeserving people like my spouse. There are too many beautiful souls out there that needs my love, a hug and a smile to encourage them that there are still good people out there.

Comments

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    • blessedp profile imageAUTHOR

      blessedp 

      22 months ago

      @Coffeequeen. It took years of suffering before I gained the strength and saw the truth. My strength was always there but I didn't rest on that strength (God), instead I leaned on myself and I had no reservoir of love, power,comfort and peace to sustain me.

      I prayed, cried called God but I didn't give Him my problem I tried fixing it.

      There were occasions in my life that I felt like giving up because I loved my husband heart, mind, soul and body. But the more I tried the worst he became. He had no heart, no love, no emotion he had no remorse. He couldn't cover his tracks I knew everything. I begged for us to do counseling, he declined and said I need the counseling not him.

      I am just glorifying God for His love for me. He was always there.

      I am strong today because of my savior my King. If God took me through this He can and will do it for others out there like me.

      Thanks again Louise for commenting.

    • Coffeequeeen profile image

      Louise Powles 

      22 months ago from Norfolk, England

      I am sorry to hear about what you've been through. But it sounds like this has made you into a stronger woman for sure. God bless.

    • blessedp profile imageAUTHOR

      blessedp 

      22 months ago

      @dashingscorpio,

      Thank you for your response. I didn't seek God first before committing though He gave me signs why I shouldn't have marry.

      One thing is certain I can never learn to be happy and live in such an unfaithful marriage. My time in this is continuing only because of the love of my child.

      God has showed His love to me in my down time in this marriage. He has been my comfort and my strength and He provided good support from family and friends.

      The words of Oscar Wilde are truth;

      The choice is up to us. Suffering is optional. Choose wisely!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

    • dashingscorpio profile image

      dashingscorpio 

      22 months ago from Chicago

      Sorry to hear about your heartache but it's not just his fault.

      "I didn't logically reason things out..."

      "I wanted to be married and settled down."

      "I made him my idol, I loved him more than I loved myself and the Great and Mighty God that created me."

      "Now, he is still cheating. I know the women, I know everything and I just say hell with him, anything he wants to do let him continue."

      Matthew 6:33 "But seek ye first the kingdom of God.."

      Luke 17:21 "...the kingdom of God is within you."

      Each of us chooses our own friends, lovers, and spouse.

      Each of us has our mate selection process/must haves list.

      Each of us has our boundaries and "deal breakers".

      No one is "stuck" with anyone! We are where we choose to be.

      When we play the "blame game" we are powerless but when we empower ourselves by acknowledging our mistakes we're able to learn from them and make better choices in the future.

      There are only two ways to experience joy and peace of mind in relationships. We either get what we want or we learn to be happy with what we have. Accept them (as is) or move on.

      The choice is up to us. Suffering is optional. Choose wisely!

      "Never love anyone who treats you like you're ordinary."

      - Oscar Wilde

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