The Pain Behind the Pretty Smile
He loves me, He loves me not
A Mouth Full of Lies
I married the love of my life over a decade after we broke up. Because he weaseled himself back into my life with a mouth or should I say a complete body full of lies. I bought every word that he spat out, how could I be so naive? I didn't logically reason things out but allowed my heart to be whisk away with his lies being whispered in my ears. Because I was single and vulnerable and I wanted to be married and settled down.
The first couple of months after marriage was great until the changes started. He was coming extremely late, working every single day, hiding his phone, phone always on silent, secretly texting, stop taking me out, etc.
My 6th sense kicked in and I couldn't rationalized what was going on. I got the password for his phone and My God! I was blown out of the water. I husband is a cheating son of xxxxx. I was torn and broken in so many pieces I gave up on life I couldn't go on. I confronted him and he denied everything and turned it on me. He is a Psycho, I have evidence and you are denying it. Good God help me!
All my hope and dream was taken from me because I made him my idol, I loved him more than I loved myself and the Great and Mighty God that created me. How could I sleep with a nasty sleaze ball like that; I scorned him, my stomach was disgusted of him. Kissing a man that was putting his mouth in God's know what out there and having sex with a man that chances are was filled with all kind of disease. And how I prayed and begged God to keep me sanctified from all the diseases and germs from this adulterous devil.
There were days I was so strong he couldn't come near me and there were days when my heart was weak for him. For the man I fell in love with and made a vow to before God and man. It went on like this for years and I hide the pain with my beautiful smile. No one knew until I reached rock bottom and I had to share. I had no smile only tears. I was stressed and became ill ever so often. Until I got a wake up call. I started praying asking God to drop his wrath on him but God thoughts and ways weren't like mine. Nothing happened to him. So, I changed my prayer and ask God to change me. I started loving me and my strength came back. My healing began, I pity him now more than how I hate him and I pray God to change him for all he has done to me. I love him with the love of God not as a woman to a man.
Now, he is still cheating. I know the women, I know everything and I just say hell with him, anything he wants to do let him continue.
I am loving me and I am doing me. And I am more beautiful more than ever. None of his hoes can ever walk near me or sweet as I am. I am full of God's grace and mercy and I wear it well. I am full of love and guess what I don't waste it on undeserving people like my spouse. There are too many beautiful souls out there that needs my love, a hug and a smile to encourage them that there are still good people out there.