“the Talk” With My Son Is Not About “the Birds and the Bees”

Updated on August 7, 2019
N.E. Wright profile image

N. E. Wright has studied writing at NRI Schools, Writer’s Digest Schools, and took a Creative Writing Course at Columbia University.

Never A Day I Ever Not Fear For My Son’s Life At The Hands Of The Police

My son and I visiting my parents for the day in Queens, NY.
My son and I visiting my parents for the day in Queens, NY. | Source

Stranger Danger Talk Usually Forgotten When Raising An African-American Child

Several months ago, while helping out my mother with my elderly father, I woke up early one morning to a repeat program on MSNBC about “Stranger Danger”, and I felt like a very bad mom. My son was 14 years old at the time and I never spoke to him about “Stranger Danger”. Sure I should have. Yes he needs to know about this very real problem, but in America most African-American parents give their children “the talk”.

No, our talk is not about the euphemism for sex we call “the birds and the bees”. No, I can not actually have a talk with my son about sex. Yes, I am a wimp. It is not life or death to me so, I pass it off for another time. Not good, but it is the truth. If I had a husband — yes feminist, which I am, I said my husband — I would send my son to him. I am a single mother going for life or death talks for Black males daily. So I punt. Yes, I am a wimp and not so great mom.

Thanks Sara Palin, Racist Police Officers, and George Zimmerman For Having Me Explain Your Actions To My Young Son

Unfortunately, I have been torturing my son about how to behave while being Black in America since he was five years old. I would like to honestly fault Sara Palin for her scary racist talks about Barack Obama during the 2008 Presidential General Election Campaign. Caucasian cops for killing Black males so often it seemed like an epidemic. Most importantly it was important for me to talk to my son about how he will be seen as different, or non-human, because of George Zimmerman’s murdering Trayvon Martin and getting away with the murder. I had to address all of these incidents to a very confused child. To be honest I was pissed. I thought I could wait until he was thirteen-years-old. Nope. No such luck.

Neglecting The Stranger Talk Is Not ComfortingTo Realize

Now I am specific about how he needs to behave so he cannot get arrested or killed by cops while walking, shopping, driving, riding the train, coming from the library, sitting on a park bench, eating a pizza while walking to visit a friend, or just standing at a bus stop while being Black. Still, when I realized how I never spoke to my son about “Stranger Danger” I felt negligent. So, I decided I would ask if he knew the term “Stranger Danger”. I was hopeful as hell that he learned this in school. Well, he did not know it. Not even remotely. Now remember this is kind of sex talk. Sure sexual assault. Which is worse. I did not know how in the hell I was going to tackle this. I do not remember what I said. I just know that to this very moment my son still does not know what “Stranger Danger” is. So I was not effective. Not regular about it either.

Driving While Black Talk Bores My Son

Now, “the talk” I tackle at least once daily. I started the driving while Black in America talk about two years ago. Yeah, he was thirteen. I would ask my son about how he would protect himself when he drives a car, and he would roll his eyes while he begins our usual conversation like this,
“Put my license on the dash board.”
“How?”
“With Scotch tape.”
“Where would the tape be?”
“In the glove compartment.”
“How many phones do you need?”
“Two. One stays in the car and I put it on face book live.”
“You need to put it on the upper right side on the passenger’s side of the car.”
“Okay.”
“Do you know why?”
“To protect myself.”
“Where should your hands be when stopped by the police?”
“On the wheel.”
“Why?”
“So the cops do not think I am pulling out a weapon.”

Truth Is African-Americans Are Regularly Being Stop By The Police For Being Black

So this is not always the way it goes. Just an example of our unfortunate, but much needed conversation. This is torturous for me to ask daily, and to be honest my son is quite bored and exasperated. He is a kid. What is he doing wrong I am sure he is thinking. Nothing. Well, I hope not anything wrong. Still I need to talk more about “stranger danger” and “the talk” on how he needs to protect himself without offending the police when stopped by them for his being Black in America.


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My Now Fifteen-Year-Old Son Over The Years

Click thumbnail to view full-size
Traveling from New York to Delaware to visit my sister and her family.Halloween at the now defunct Sony Wonder.Taking my son with my to watch debates to become a committee member for Special Education in New York.My son helping my sister in her garden.
Traveling from New York to Delaware to visit my sister and her family.
Traveling from New York to Delaware to visit my sister and her family. | Source
Halloween at the now defunct Sony Wonder.
Halloween at the now defunct Sony Wonder. | Source
Taking my son with my to watch debates to become a committee member for Special Education in New York.
Taking my son with my to watch debates to become a committee member for Special Education in New York. | Source
My son helping my sister in her garden.
My son helping my sister in her garden. | Source

Questions & Answers

    © 2019 N E Wright

    Please Leave A Comment. Thank You!

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    • N.E. Wright profile imageAUTHOR

      N E Wright 

      2 months ago from Dover, Delaware

      Thank you so much Linda.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      2 months ago from Minnesota

      You keep writing on race issues; it's important, especially with what is happening these days. Anyone who quits following you for it isn't worth it. Hugs my friend.

    • N.E. Wright profile imageAUTHOR

      N E Wright 

      2 months ago from Dover, Delaware

      Linda your comments always brings a smile to my face. Most people do not like when I touch on race. Had a follower drop out of my LINE APP Chat room for my work. So I appreciate your reading my article. See I promised myself starting this year I would write about race issues and what most Black Americans inner turmoil is. I just want to write articles on race without bashing people’s head in with my thoughts. Lol. Actually the President was the real reason I decided to start telling stories that are universal to most Americans raising African-American children. This weekend has shook my nerves. Still, I smile when you comment, and I reply. Lol. Thanks for your very kind words and most importantly thoughts.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      2 months ago from Minnesota

      I know, scary stuff this weekend. This world we live in has become out of control with hate, ignorance & racism. It doesn't help us that the president is perpetuating it. I pray for all of us that he is not re-elected. Love & Peace to you & your family. So happy to hear I helped you smile after this tumultuous weekend in America. Many blessings.

    • N.E. Wright profile imageAUTHOR

      N E Wright 

      2 months ago from Dover, Delaware

      Linda, you made me smile. I just learned that they are deeming two massive murders yesterday as White Nationalist terrorism. I am trying not to be petrified. Your kind words made me smile. Thank you so much.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      2 months ago from Minnesota

      Again, I am sorry for the ignorance in our world. Love & Light to your family. May our Lord break through the darkness of souls & show color in any form is beautiful like a rainbow.

    • N.E. Wright profile imageAUTHOR

      N E Wright 

      2 months ago from Dover, Delaware

      Linda, I so appreciate your kind words. It is sadly what we are use to. We know no other way. The good thing is my son sees me as a pest like most teens would. Lol. He usually says, “I know mommy, put my license on the dash board with tape. Make good money to afford two phones.” Lol. It is sad, but it is what we are use to. Thanks for reading and commenting. So appreciate it.

    • Minnetonka Twin profile image

      Linda Rogers 

      2 months ago from Minnesota

      It saddens & angers me to know how frightening it is for African American's living in this racially imbalanced world. You are a terrific Mother by advising your son on how to protect himself. Sending Healing love to you that this ignorance & racism will not harm your family. Thanks for sharing this passionate & educational article from a loving Mother.

    • N.E. Wright profile imageAUTHOR

      N E Wright 

      2 months ago from Dover, Delaware

      Thank you so much for your kind words Robert. It is so scary. Stranger Danger, still, African-Americans are so concerned about our children being harmed just going to the store and possibly encountering a racist that has no problem attacking. I have way to many stories I know. Thanks again for your lovely words.

    • Robsthe1 profile image

      Robert Walker 

      2 months ago from Atlanta, GA.

      What an important topic and reality to talk to parents about! Thank you for sharing and I hope many parents, and our sons esoecially, are blessed by it.

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